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GorTex6
05-18-2006, 12:02 AM
Meanwhile....back home.
Some who have served are back from Iraq, and feeling bitter
(http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/special/iraq/3868401.html)

Bad stuff happened in Iraq, stuff Adam Reuter doesn't want to talk about.

His wife worries because he leaps out of bed at night.

But when he does talk about the war, he goes right to how the insurgent crumpled after he pulled the trigger. How later, during the firefight, he ended up just a few feet from the corpse. Bullets buzzed by, and he was supposed to watch the alley, but he couldn't help but glance over.

"He just lay there," Reuter said. His eyes and mouth open. His whiskers a few days old. The bullet had gone in his neck cleanly, just to the right of his Adam's apple, but had come out ugly from the back of his head. He was maybe 25, a little older than Reuter.

How can you describe what that was like? Who would understand it?

Nobody. So Reuter keeps his mouth shut. His Army uniform is packed in a box in the garage. He kisses his baby boy every night. He gets on with his life.

At home in Newnan, Ga., there is no war. "It doesn't cross their minds. To them, everything is fine," Reuter said.

After three years, there are at least 550,000 veterans of the Iraq war. The Washington Post interviewed several who were still in the service, and others who weren't — to hear what their war was like and how the transition home has been.

A constant theme was that the public is largely unaffected by the war, and, despite media exposure, doesn't understand what it's like.

The United States that Iraq veterans are returning to is indifferent, many said. One that, without fear of a draft, seems more interested in American Idol than the bombings in Baghdad. Sure, there are the homecoming parades and yellow-ribbon bumper stickers.

But for many vets, those moments of gratitude were short-lived. Soon they were joined by bitter impressions of a society that seems to forget that it is living through the country's largest combat operation in more than 30 years.

Jedburgh
05-18-2006, 02:59 AM
A constant theme was that the public is largely unaffected by the war, and, despite media exposure, doesn't understand what it's like.

The United States that Iraq veterans are returning to is indifferent, many said. One that, without fear of a draft, seems more interested in American Idol than the bombings in Baghdad. Sure, there are the homecoming parades and yellow-ribbon bumper stickers.

But for many vets, those moments of gratitude were short-lived. Soon they were joined by bitter impressions of a society that seems to forget that it is living through the country's largest combat operation in more than 30 years.
Call me naive, but I thought our job was to keep the our civilian population from "knowing what it's like". But I also don't feel like they're "indifferent". Its not like the general civilian populace doesn't care - after more than 3 years in Iraq, there's still a very strong base of support that cares about the soldiers.

Support for the war may be dropping, but it does not manifest itself in a concurrent drop in the regular drives for goods to send to soldiers, kids in schools writing "any soldier" letters, people looking for substantive ways to make the troops feel comfortable over there - and I still see military members from every branch of service get thanked for their service by people from almost every walk in life, from senior citizens to young'uns (even when I was still living in CA).

That's good enough for me. I don't feel some sort of selfish urge for the US populace to suffer in some psychological or material way that would equate to anything that I went through on a combat tour. I don't want my family or anyone's family to sit around pondering the harsh reality of a brutal insurgency and worrying about the next bombing in Baghdad, let alone the slime that can be involved in tracking down and rolling up a terrorist cell.

We - the military, law enforcement, and intelligence communities - do our job so that average Americans can hang out fat and happy, have lazy family picnics, watch American Idol or reruns of Seinfeld, and just enjoy their lives.

Sure, as I've expressed on this forum before, I've retained some bitterness - but its over the decisions made by senior policy-makers - I don't blame those who I was supposed to be protecting from all this.

Now, there are some serious PTSD issues that come up in that article - that is a different story entirely. I don't think the services are doing all they can to identify and deal with potentially serious problems in that arena. Read between the lines of the article and that is what disturbs me.

GorTex6
05-18-2006, 06:51 PM
Perhaps the bitterness against everyone back home is a result from feeling disconnected and isolated; a symptom of depression. I won't lie- I had it too. This is natural for any human being that is assimulating after war; if it lingers then you have a problem.

CPT Holzbach
05-19-2006, 12:10 PM
Yeah, I felt some of that bitterness myself. For me, it was more like disappointment though. Disappointment in some of our leaders, but also in how easily the American people allow themselves to be lead around by the nose by the MSM. A Marine once said about Iraq, "Every time you #### on the war, you #### on the guys fighting the war." Now I dont completely agree with that, but I think it has some validity. It just seems that Americans defeat themselves, and that's incredibly disappointing to people who fight the war. Like a boxer who's winning a rough match, only to have his coach throw in the towel because he's afraid the boxer will get hurt too much. Except the coach isnt even at the fight. He just occasionaly tunes in on TV.

Tc2642
02-19-2007, 01:22 PM
A "virtual Iraq" simulation that allows soldiers to re-live and confront psychological trauma has produced promising results for the initial handful of patients treated using the system.

The trial of the software, which recreates the sights, smells, sounds and jolts of the battlefield, has now been extended to a few dozen US service personnel who have suffered post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) since returning from war in Iraq.

http://technology.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,,2016519,00.html

Beelzebubalicious
01-30-2008, 06:33 PM
This is out of my league to explain, but is the provocative nature of this study b/c soldier's don't want to admit that they can't handle the stress of combat...? Wondering what those who can comment would say?


-- Traumatic brain injury, described as the signature wound of the Iraq war, may be less to blame for soldiers' symptoms than doctors once thought, contends a provocative military study that suggests post-traumatic stress and depression often play a role.

By MARILYNN MARCHIONE
The Associated Press
Wednesday, January 30, 2008; 8:54 AM


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/01/30/AR2008013001058.html

marct
01-30-2008, 09:54 PM
The study itself is available here (http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/NEJMoa072972), and worth looking at. I've just glanced through it, but my gut guess is that it relates more to an increase in the probability of neurological disruption leading to an increased probability of retaining the incident. Basically, it would magnify the effects in memory.

jkm_101_fso
11-25-2008, 06:26 PM
General's story puts focus on stress stemming from combat

-Tom Vanden Brook, USA TODAY


Gen. Carter Ham was among the best of the best — tough, smart and strong — an elite soldier in a battle-hardened Army. At the Pentagon, his star was rising.
In Iraq, he was in command in the north during the early part of the war, when the insurgency became more aggressive. Shortly before he was to return home, on Dec. 21, 2004, a suicide bomber blew himself up in a mess hall at a U.S. military base near Mosul and killed 22 people, including 14 U.S. troops. Ham arrived at the scene 20 minutes later to find the devastation.

When Ham returned from Mosul to Fort Lewis, Wash., in February 2005, something in the affable officer was missing. Loud noises startled him. Sleep didn't come easily.

"When he came back, all of him didn't come back. … Pieces of him the way he used to be were perhaps left back there," says his wife, Christi. "I didn't get the whole guy I'd sent away."

Today, Ham, 56, is one of only 12 four-star generals in the Army. He commands all U.S. soldiers in Europe. The stress of his combat service could have derailed his career, but Ham says he realized that he needed help transitioning from life on the battlefields of Iraq to the halls of power at the Pentagon. So he sought screening for post-traumatic stress and got counseling from a chaplain. That helped him "get realigned," he says.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/military/2008-11-24-general_N.htm?csp=34

reed11b
11-25-2008, 08:16 PM
One of the reasons this is interesting is the age of the General. We expect to see higher rates of PTSD in younger soldiers (under 25) because this is when the brain is still forming in many ways. What I was unable to determine from the article was the time frame of the adjustment. If it occured directly after the deployment and "healed" w/i 3 to 6 months (really up to a year IMNSHO) then what the Gen suffered was more likely to be posttraumatic stress readjustment, which is very normal, i.e. more of us get it then not.
Reed Dyer

699guy
11-26-2008, 02:49 AM
Was a pretty good guy. I helped brief him several times in late 2004 and he always asked insightful questions etc. He had an aide that was a chem officer who had branch transfered to Infantry and he made sure that the guy spent the last couple months being an AS3 with my battalion so he could go to ICCC with some skills. The bombing in the Marez chowhall was horrific and would have been traumatic to anyone, despite of age or rank.

When I got back back from my first trip in Oct 04 there was nothing PTSD or TBI wise. Yet after a violent fight my company was in, late Jan 07, we were able to get a team to talk to my Soldiers several hours after returning to the FOB. I've no doubt that 'service' helped the boys, especially some of the medics who were unable to save several children.

Sometimes the pendulum swings too far and we ought to watch out for that, but good for Ham for saying he had a problem, sought help, and successfully worked through it.

RTK
11-26-2008, 02:41 PM
Hopefully the story of his struggles with erase the perceived stigma normally associated with asking for help for mental health issues.

I'm glad GEN Ham is speaking out on this. It's an important lesson to show Soldiers that no one is immune and asking for help is OK. Obviously it hasn't been the career killer for GEN Ham that many mis-believe it to be.

Bullmoose Bailey
12-11-2008, 02:18 PM
Hopefully the story of his struggles with erase the perceived stigma normally associated with asking for help for mental health issues.

I'm glad GEN Ham is speaking out on this. It's an important lesson to show Soldiers that no one is immune and asking for help is OK. Obviously it hasn't been the career killer for GEN Ham that many mis-believe it to be.

Agreed, friend. Perhaps, as I have asserted through several wars now, there is no stigma in the military on friction, shell shock & battle stress; simply an extension of the natural human characteistic of focusing on the positive to the exclsion of the negative. Many maleffects are simply contextual disgreements on the fundamental nature of human conflict, war & statecraft.

In any event I personally take the General's actions as inspiration to be a better leader on the issue of health & feel a deeper commitment to the whole Trooper's whole lifetime, not simply the service he may render us on one battlefield.

We have sometimes unfortunately neglected second & third order effects of our actions. Circumspect leadership requires analysis of all potential consequences of our decisions & mitigations.

reed11b
12-22-2008, 10:53 PM
Another General has stepped forward. General Blackledge is a two tour GWOT vet. Here is an article on him LINK... (http://soldiersmind.com/2008/11/18/general-defies-military-culture-of-silence-about-mental-health-issues/) and GB Trudeau has recognized him as well. Doonesbury (http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/)
Reed

120mm
12-23-2008, 12:19 PM
Another General has stepped forward. General Blackledge is a two tour GWOT vet. Here is an article on him LINK... (http://soldiersmind.com/2008/11/18/general-defies-military-culture-of-silence-about-mental-health-issues/) and GB Trudeau has recognized him as well. Doonesbury (http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/)
Reed

The following quote is a mis-characterization:


In the past, those who spoke up about problems they were having were told to “Suck it up and Soldier on.”

The problem isn't really ostracization, imo. At least not by other vets, or members of the unit. The problem, as I see it, is the bureaucratized responses by the DoD and VA when they react to criticism that they aren't doing enough for the vets. And the criticism springs forth from media that is driven by "flavor of the week" reporting and the "All Vets are mental time-bombs just waiting to go off" meme that resonates among those who are ignorant of things military.

So, while the intent is to "help" the veteran, making PTSD-reporting mandatory, and subject to UCMJ action should you fail to report it is not the freaking answer... (I'm looking at a sheet of paper right now for my PHA which asserts that very thing) And the PTSD counselling groups being conducted, where PVT Schmuckatelli gets to hear LTC Jackov's personal laundry aired are just stupid. and contrary to good order and discipline.

In other words, while there IS a need for tools to be available to the veteran, voluntarily and without recourse, I doubt that either the VA or any other bureaucratic response will be useful or appropriate.

BTW, forgive me if I don't appreciate doonesbury exploiting combat vets as a tool to beat his agit-prop drum. The only reason he gives a crap, imo, is to to advance his career and push his blatant and rabid anti-war/anti-military beliefs. So I question the motives of any of Doonesbury's cartoons.

SGTMILLS
12-23-2008, 06:24 PM
PTSD is almost forced on all the personnel coming back from the box. Questions like, "DId you shoot your weapon?" or, "Did you encounter sand?" were viable criterium for a full PTSD check. I am not of the opinion that PTSD is a fallacy, rather I believe the military IS doing what it can to treat this on a grand scheme. The TROOPS generally have a stigma attached to this. It was taught in basic that "profile rangers" were lacking METL to complete their tasks. We all know the why's of this (to keep trainees in training) but the result is the lack of admittance when something is wrong for fear of reprocussions. The VA does have problems to work out (as with any government agency because of the sheer size and required red tape) but it assists MANY troops. The AD military agencies tasked with the assistance and aid of AD troops can only help, if the troop asks.

What can be done about this?

GEN Ham has made the first (large) step. He has shed some light on the issue. If a GENERAL can get promoted and prosper after having been through this, then it is viable that ANY troop, enlisted or officer can be helped. Good show, GEN Ham.

120mm
12-23-2008, 06:46 PM
Of course, these Generals "coming out" are akin to Marie Antoinette's "Let them eat cake". Of COURSE there's no stigma; these guys are freaking Generals and can pretty much do what they want. The one thing I've learned since 2001 is that you can get away with anything you want in todays army, as long as you're an O-6 and above, and you aren't the "designated fall guy".

Look at this picture of GEN Casey.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v311/120mm/480px-George_W__Casey_2007.jpg

How many privates do you know that can wear their hair that long? And that's the shortest I've EVER seen this rag-bag's hair in a picture. There is definitely a double standard in effect, here, and I don't think the "good" done by the current PTSD hysteria comes anywhere near balancing out the harm and harassment it has caused. But, frankly, I don't think the folks pushing PTSD like drugs on a playground give a crap what harm they cause. They get money, and jobs, and control freak issues out of it.

Actually, the correct question might be, what SHOULD we be doing about this. And treatment professionals need to think about some of the downstream effects of their treatment efforts.

Cavguy
12-29-2008, 05:56 PM
120mm,

I think you're overly harsh here. The Army is sincerely working on ensuring that individuals seeking counseling aren't stigmatized. In my opinion, it's also working. These generals are trying to further that. I don't see a need to cast aspersions on them.

There are lots of people who can and do seek assistance, if only to "talk out" some of their issues. I know it was the case with me - part of that was even published (http://www3.ausa.org/webpub/deptarmymagazine.nsf/byid/teue-7brskg). Not all 'help' has to be a hardcore PTSD case, getting people to deal with things that trouble them helps down the line. Real people make hard decisions and sometimes just need some help dealing with them.

I think I understand your intent , but I think you're creating straw men here.

120mm
12-29-2008, 11:00 PM
120mm,

I think you're overly harsh here.

You are correct, of course. I'll dial it down a bit.


The Army is sincerely working on ensuring that individuals seeking counseling aren't stigmatized. In my opinion, it's also working. These generals are trying to further that. I don't see a need to cast aspersions on them.

Perhaps your experience with Generals has been different from mine. With few exceptions, I've found them to be shallow me-firsters who are most concerned with CYA. But then I've been stuck on a series of bad Generals' staffs too long.


There are lots of people who can and do seek assistance, if only to "talk out" some of their issues. I know it was the case with me - part of that was even published (http://www3.ausa.org/webpub/deptarmymagazine.nsf/byid/teue-7brskg). Not all 'help' has to be a hardcore PTSD case, getting people to deal with things that trouble them helps down the line. Real people make hard decisions and sometimes just need some help dealing with them.

I'm all about the informal ways to deal with PTSD. What I object to is the reactionary, CYA, overbearing, mandatory "one sized fits all" solution that the Army appears to be pushing. (At least to these eyes)


I think I understand your intent , but I think you're creating straw men here.

Now, are you talking about the "Generals get PTSD too" I/O campaign, or the fact that GEN Casey needs a frickin' hair cut? :confused::D;)

MikeF
04-11-2009, 04:09 PM
UNDERSTANDING PTSD AND MTBI: INITIAL OBSERVATIONS


MICHAEL FEW


Currently, the combined frequency, intensity and duration of multiple combat deployments on a small volunteer force are showing some disturbing trends that befuddle commanders and mental experts. They include: 1. Suicide, 2. Divorce, 3 Substance Abuse, 4. Retention. Personally, I believe these are symptoms of a greater problem. Call it PTSD, mTBI, or whatever term best suits, it is simply a horrid combination of stress and anger. Life is hard; life is not fair, but there is endurance, acceptance, and perseverance within faith, hope and love.

After a traumatic event, whether it be a buddy dying, a rape, or a genocide, people react under different ways pursuant to one’s individual formula of life lessons, coping skills, community support, and environment. Two extremes of coping include the reaction of the citizens of Oklahoma City to the terrorist bombing versus the citizens of New Orleans to Katrina. Dr. Jon labels these as victim versus strivers. I fall into the third category: survivor. Everything is attitude as it relates to how one chooses to manage life’s events.

Understanding and accepting what one cannot control.

For the past two months, I prayed, fasted, and sought wisdom on how to share where I have been and what I have seen to possibly help everyone else. I thought to myself, “Self, how do you explain the unexplainable?” The answer was so apparent- honest, brutal conversation. It is so humorous how you can have a private conversation with someone and generate truth, yet, we refuse to express the same truth in public in fear of how it will be perceived. So, I spent a week sending you the thoughts in my head as they raced out.

I took action. I let go of control to regain control. I did it my way conquering every fear with blunt trauma and mindless repetition.

As a survivor, I have a tendency to try to right every wrong, seeking justice for every transgression. In moderation, my voice can be brilliant. Unregulated, it is the definition of insanity. Think about it. If one tries to take on the role of stopping every stupid driver on the road, one will just die from anger. Stupid drivers exist because there are cars. It just is. We are all interconnected and intertwined. That is why Antartica bleeds right now in hurt of our own anger. You call it global warming just as you don’t understand why non-religious women martyr themselves in despair in Zaganiyah.

Emerson spoke of this as self-reliance. It is life. Darwin, Jesus, Kant, Mohammed, Hobbes, Keynes, Locke, and Smith explained it in their own ways trying to apply life to business, religion, and politics. Warren Buffet capitalized on his acceptance and understanding of the applications of fear and greed. My heart bleeds in deep introspection as we skew truth in generalization and specialization. I only understood this by reading their words on my own not to be lost in someone else’s misinterpretation. Easterners simply call it Tao and spitituality.

It is time for me to take some rest and heal. You can call it a sabbatical, medical retirement, or whatever works for you. I don’t particularly care for labels anymore as words are important yet we constantly mislabel. I’m simply going to pursue the difference of carrot pancakes and purple ice-cream from a young girl that I love more than jellybeans. I finally looked in the mirror and understood my truth.


My only recommendation for you is to visit Topeka Kansas VA and let the staff share their understanding.

So what is PTSD? Maybe it is best understood with how I shared it with Taylor- there is something powerful in the innocence of a four year old. It works with me. Now, you can find your own truth.

“Daddy, are you mad at me?”


“No dear. When Daddy was in Iraq, Daddy bumped his head. I tried to use a band-aid, but it did not work. I even tried to use a Sponge Bob band-aid. My head still hurt so I had to go to the hospital and see the doctor.”

“I love you Daddy.”

“I love you too.”

“Daddy, I love you three.”

“I love you more than jellybeans.”

Words mean things. Knowledge is power. Ultimately, it is the only form of treatment.

Happy Easter.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 05:18 PM
Christina,

By law, I must include representatives from the military to ensure that I walk the line. I erased the line a long time ago. For those that are wondering why, this is how we turned iraq around- my classmates and I sent out a bunch of emails when we took action, but that is a story for another day. It is neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. It just is searching for truth in a mindless world of Orwellian drama and metrics. Now there is another fight to fight, and I'll take the same action regardless of what you think. Some would call it courage, I was taught simple duty because i am the man in the arena. I will no longer walk away from whom I am. I finally looked in the mirror.


I know not why my purpose. I send these emails out of love. Paul was very specific to the Corinthians. I simply don't see why we can't see. Anger consumes, Fear bleeds, greed controls. The only thing we have to turn to is the gifts of the creator- Faith, Hope, and Love. Once we let go of control, we are free to live.


Here's the next portion. A continual conversation I suppose until complete. I'm glad you embrace your gift of editing- most people do not accept their gifts. Good for you.


I'm speaking for many others that can either not nor choose to. If we decide to publish this thing, I simply want it done right even though sometimes I no longer understand what right is.


Mike,
Good action man, you're writing is engaging, although the poetry is deeper than my simple mind lets me go. I'm impressed with what you're doin, that's all I'm sayin. Keep at it, let me know if you need anything. You're a doing better than other guys, believe me. keep at it boss.

Izzo

Your turn, make this right whatever that may be. Turn my verse into something people can comprehend.

v/r

Mike

The Cost of Freedom


When I was a young man playing football and rugby, my coach would always ask the same question to any player who had suffered an injury: "Are you hurt or are you injured?" If one was hurt, then one could still play; they would simply fight through the pain. If one was injured, then they could not continue to play because it may cause permanent damage. Assessments were made based off the intensity and duration of the injury and the discretion and discernment of both the coach, medical team, and the player. The answer was never black and white, but a decision had to be made in regard to what was in the best interest for the team and the player's future. For me, the biggest fear was being perceived as a fake by my teammates if I told the coach that I was injured but my teammates and coaching staff felt I was only hurt.



Similar reasoning holds true for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI). In football and rugby, everyone gets hurt, but not everyone gets injured. In combat, every one deals with combat stress, but not everyone deals with PTSD. The diagnosis is a judgment call based on the collective assessment of the chain-of-command, the mental health team, and the soldier. Similarly, TBI is a clinical diagnosis of multiple concussions. Technically, both injuries involve brain damage. The injuries are treatable, but they require continued lifelong rehabilitation.



The study of mind and heart, emotions and thought, is as new as it is old. No one knows what comes first or last derived in burdening questions. We simply see symptoms of broken hearts and suicide prevention. Some things best left to the Creator I suppose as fascinating and maddening the subject. Life brings tragedy; life is not fair. Choices to be made- victim, survivor, or striver. We all have choice- walk away, conform, or voice truth to power. I choice voice. The audacity of hope must transcend in the same manner I once pursued al Qaeda.



PTSD is a clinical disorder, but it is not a pre-existing condition. I am neither a fraud, fake nor one lacking inner strength. I am a decorated combat veteran that requires help. In 2003, during the Thunder Runs, I led an 400 man battalion from Kuwait to Baghdad. Now, I get disoriented walking short distances. In 2005, as Iraq descended into chaos, I served on a Special Forces staff analyzing sensitive data. Now, I struggle to compute simple algebra formulas without the help of Microsoft Excel. In 2006-2007, during the Surge, I commanded 300 Iraqi and American paratroopers clearing al Qaeda held areas and training camps. Now, I struggle to remember to pay my bills on time. When the nation called, I was there. But I cannot win this war on my own. For many years, I tried, and it broke me.



You never really know what is going through another man's mind or the path that he walks. For veterans, the path is more obscure. He could be your grandfather, uncle, brother, or husband. He could be the homeless guy on the street. He may be the smartly dressed businessman in your office or the art collector downtown. On the surface, he tries to act like you wearing a mask to hide the horror and rage deep within his soul. He strives to be normal in American society, but his heart is numb. Normal is juxtaposed with the pain and suffering he has lived. He does not want his family to know what he has done. He suffers in silence.

I never thought I could heal. After all the killing and violence, I felt that I had a penance to serve. I felt condemned to a life with hope forlorn, faith no more; a life without purpose and without love. I was a shell of my former self drowning in an alcoholic sorrow along the river of the Sierra Nevada Pale ale. Sometimes, I wished that I had died in Iraq. At least then I would have had a hero's burial.



After four combat deployments and six years of perpetual war, I hit my breaking point, and I was forced to admit to myself that I was injured, not simply hurt. I have PTSD and TBI, but I am not a victim. I am a survivor maybe one day striver. The difference is attitude. For years, I kept sucking it up fighting through the pain-the best deceptions lying to myself daily although I swore never lie to others. Hell, I could redeploy right now and show you that I am tough enough to still fight, but there is neither rhyme nor reason in martyrdom-always fighting, struggling this man in the arena. For years, I fought through the blurred vision, tired eyes, seeing stars, broken, racing, brilliant thoughts while cognitive skills diminish no longer to pretend persistent headaches, and lethargy. I can now remember at least six concussions. My stubbornness to admit the extent of my injuries cost me my family, my health, and nearly cost me my life as thoughts and feelings bled. I thought that I could no longer feel. In truth, I was consumed with anger. Mostly, I was angry at myself for being weak because I was unable to control my war. Internally, I was trapped as a prisoner of my own mind. I was still in Iraq.



Now, I know only to think verse searching for confluence no longer prose. One plus one equals three, and it can be overwhelming. Everything paradox.



With all injuries, the final decision is made by the patient. One must accept the injury for what it is, not what one wishes it to be. Once I accepted my injury, I was ready for treatment. I spent six weeks in the Topeka Kansas Veterans Administration hospital learning how to heal. My treatment was the toughest obstacle that I have ever faced facing every fear fully: tougher than West Point, Scuba school, Airborne School, rugby, or war. Most importantly, I finally understood what was wrong with me.



In the end, and somewhere in between, I began to heal as thoughts persist never to diminish but loss of control regulates remission onward bound towards congruence. My condition will require a lifelong rehabilitation, but is that not the crux of the human condition? My condition is unique, but is it not the same as every man faces? Our founding fathers dubbed it the pursuit of happiness; others call it ashura, the active absence of sorrow. Regardless, it is my journey, but it was never simply about me.



PTSD treatment does not require hospitalization in a psychological ward, but it does require inpatient treatment in a safe, controlled environment. Those that suffer from PTSD are wounded heroes, but their wounds are often invisible.



Yesterday, you helped me. Today, I help you. So many others are hurting from Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan. I only write my thoughts in hope to share my voice as it may help us all irrationally as it may be. Walk with me. I know naught for not truths I search; I simply verse in hopes of continual conversation and dance.



The invitation is open.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 05:35 PM
You may disagree with me, but I pray and hope you will at least respect my integrity and simply let me voice for a moment.

I ask nothing in return...My words are free.

Simply confluence of verse transcending towards truth.....

Unfortunately, once you step into the stream you can no longer regain that thought.

No longer congruent as the river continues to flow....

Ron Humphrey
04-11-2009, 05:58 PM
You may disagree with me, but I pray and hope you will at least respect my integrity and simply let me voice for a moment.

I ask nothing in return...My words are free.

Simply confluence of verse transcending towards truth.....

Unfortunately, once you step into the stream you can no longer regain that thought.

No longer congruent as the river continues to flow....

You have found the true battle for hearts and minds and are conquering it brilliantly

Never forget, always forgive


At least those who follow us will still get it too (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XdAHNo5wW8)

-Ron

MikeF
04-11-2009, 06:23 PM
"For just one day, I wanna ignore our senseless fate, colours are victorious over the grey, stop to get controlled by the state, 4 just 1 day, I wanna forget the value of money and gold, I wanna live life my way, and lose my inhibition threshold. For just one day." -Kai Tracid

I suppose that is the confluence of verse as we transcend towards truth...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p15QSxkgjRI

MikeF
04-11-2009, 06:28 PM
From the civilians....

Nice to see that you are still making progress and finding every minute of it so fascinating. The part on labels I found to be very interesting. Possibly because our language is abstract -letting one work mean many different things to different people, and .... but that's a discussion for another day. Anyway enjoy your rest & Happy Easter!

Use this forum to voice and we'll see where it goes...

My buddy Ryan would probably love to have a conversation with you on that considering he is in China where Chinese translates one-hundred and eleven into simply one, one, one.

v/r

Mike

MikeF
04-11-2009, 06:58 PM
as we implement policy regardless of own thought...simply time for YOU to think...

On Command

Leaders follow knowing the men will lead
Is that right so paradox?
Walk with me, my heart bleeds
In set verse

Truth be told, student studies
Turns to teacher
Remembering forever
Hearts delivered

Why commanders not realize
Still the men die
My heart bleeds
In recollection

Searching, Striving in introspection.
Circle unbroken

word is bond....
remember in command,
deeds not words
I walked that walk

Mentoring right way
absent self easy way
and so was what you call the surge
only truth, eventually to unfold....

Forgiveness is certain
but don't forget
lest we persist
to do it once again

All is paradox
one plus one equals eleven or three
not two
lest we repeat....

Nothing indiscrete...
towards confluence
we'll walk together
lest we sink in storm

MikeF
04-11-2009, 07:18 PM
secular audience
I wish not to preach on this easter
you find your own way
my brother walked with me when i could not find my own way...

now you strive for yours....
I can't suppose to know your way
I just walk my path
hopefully convey

some resemblence of a waypoint
what i say
is so clear
if you but listen

MikeF
04-11-2009, 07:35 PM
You want war
but you do not
I will go
that's why they called me war machine...

If you want war
I will go
Pursuing all in occupation
no counter-insurgency

My thoughts are vague
at times
You would rather
analyze my actions from some lawyer....

Mike laughs as much as he bleeds
You are the one that knows naught for nothing
I know waited eight years after intervention as the towers fell
Nothing you said made sense, so now I vent....

It all bleeds towards the same
much as the river continues
Be not fooled
no longer

in your FOX news
as if that is truth
from the village i see
also growing and flowing the tree of liberty....

MikeF
04-11-2009, 07:48 PM
In the same means Poppas once told me to take down Turki Village..
He said, I did....
In the same means that I found my path and now walk away
Searching for control of my own heart and mind....

I found forgiveness

Andrew Poppas- Chief of all military
David Sutherland- Veterans Affairs
Gordon McCormick- Expert on COIN thus foreign policy
Nancy Roberts- Secretary of Education

Once the island of miscreants and joke
Listen to me, lest I go back to angry
and cause real revolution
this i know as i have studied well

You, never really know.....
don't be fooled by your careless use of words
Time for peace
I simply want to transcend

MikeF
04-11-2009, 08:05 PM
I'm complete.....

Take it as you will...

Final thoughts as you ask how I know...

It is not from those above me,

But the men that always follow....

They know truly how to discern, and they never comply unless it is truth....

Regardless of jellybeans, the pain will not go away...

Still I stand...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go

the only thing that's real

and so it persist...that's why I claim

time for a break....

MikeF
04-11-2009, 08:52 PM
Sir,

You always do it your way. I expect nothing less from someone who mentored me to to things the right way, not the easy/safe way. Thanks for always being there for all of us. I hope Katy can make it to the wedding also. She looks like a wonderful lady. SEE YOU SOON!

Sincerely,


MIKE’S LETTER FROM HIS FALLEN FRIENDS


MIKE! What’s wrong with you? You need to let us go!
You have your own life to live without our baggage!

Mike, you have a wonderful life, a beautiful daughter, yet you throw it away with your inner anger.

Mike, think of us, sometimes, cry for us. But don’t grieve for us. We are all gone…dead in your world. We have been dead for a long, long time….

Mike, let us rest so that you can rest. Don’t suffer for us anymore. We never wanted it much less needed it.

You have lived for us long enough. Now, live your own life. Enjoy each dawn, cherish each of your remaining days with joy in your heart, live in each step and know that we will always be with you. Mike, keep living!

Please learn from your war.
Yes, you have lost influence over us. We have control!

Mike, love everyday! Recognize that you lost way too many days…Regain control and love yourself. Live and cherish your new beginning.

Think of us with a clean understanding that we also loved you.
We will now say good-bye.

ENJOY YOUR NEW LIFE!!!!

MikeF
04-11-2009, 10:32 PM
as if three birds are enough for US in this time that you fear the sky is falling down and armagedon is upon us...So foolish...so turns the widening gyre...

In concern of what I might do or what I've done to reason with my head...so dave says...I'm just no longer afraid to voice how i once felt.....alone here i am again...my mind in knots....drink and smoke some of you do....i stopped and looked in the mirror. I enjoy what i see....i now pray for you as you may be closer to dave...rhyme and reason and song 41 for you....as long as we talk we are still here....

walking the line i erased long ago....i will listen to you now

we stand for nothing at times UNLESS we let go....

don't worry for me...just think for yourself

if you're still confused just remember this is how i once conquered turki village and zaganiyah...

RESOLVED

When the towers fell, I was there
During the Thunder Runs, I was there
When Iraq burned in genocide, I was there
I am every soldier, sailor, airman, and marine

When the roads exploded, I showed no fear
When my soldiers died, I shed no tear
When my daughter was born, I did not feel
When the war is done, I cannot heal

Drowning in sorrow, unbridled anger deep within
A poisonous cancer just below the skin
Ravenous voices penetrate my thought
Please, please tell me all wasn't for naught

Alone in my cage I perpetually rest
Missing, wanting, needing my best
Determined to reconcile, obstacles to overcome
Always mindful, every mindful, back to where I'm from

Reset, Refocused, Reborn, my attention turns again
To my beautiful daughter, playing in the sand
Innocent and thoughtful, I begin to understand
The audacity of hope must always transcend

In the darkness of night, no moon penetrates
Politicians and pundits fear in rabid debates
Alone stands the soldier, protecting the sheep
Alone is the widow, no longer to sleep

As the darkness darkens, no end in sight
What is on the horizon, but a new morning's light

MikeF
04-11-2009, 10:36 PM
The Intersection of Congruence


By chance of quest, does my heart not prize my brain?
Of course not, each independent but the same.
This swelling inside, I know not fully through,
All I can do is gasp, I solely want you.

Aroused from introspection, aloof no more,
Intense passion swells, and I know.
Intensity of desire embraces chance,
Abandons reason, takes form in glance.

Passion dances in the breath of bliss,
Awaiting the moment to taste your kiss.
Restlessly I await, patience must persist,
Abandoning pursuit of pleasure for love forever.

My heart races, I no longer think.
Where have you been? Where did I go?
Minds meld; moreover,
we are one.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:12 PM
“The Second Coming”
William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:14 PM
Everything I have is now free, so we can all heal

To Yahweh, for carrying me when I could not
To Taylor, so that you may know your daddy
To my walking wounded, so that you may learn to live
To my fallen paratroopers, I love you, and I’ll see you one day on the big drop zone in the sky
To the children of Iraq, that you may one day know peace
To my fellow citizens, may you find the truth
To Major Aziz, my brother in arms
To Katy, for loving me irrationally
Inshallah

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:15 PM
PROLOGUE

You never really know what is going through another man’s mind or the path that he walks. For veterans, the path is more obscure. He could be your grandfather, uncle, brother, or husband. He could be the homeless guy on the street. He may be the smartly dressed businessman in your office or the art collector downtown. On the surface, he tries to act like you wearing a mask to hide the horror and rage deep within his soul. He strives to be normal in American society, but his heart is numb. Normal is juxtaposed with the pain and suffering he has lived. He does not want his family to know what he has done. He suffers in silence.

I never thought I could heal. After all the killing and violence, I felt that I had a penance to serve. I felt condemned to a life with hope forlorn, faith no more; a life without purpose and without love. I was a shell of my former self drowning in an alcoholic sorrow along the river of the Sierra Nevada Pale ale. Sometimes, I wished that I had died in Iraq. At least then I would have had a hero’s burial.

Instead, I waded through an insufferable purgatory walking through your world but living in Iraq. I would stare at you on the street wondering if you could ever understand. I saw you everywhere, but you never saw me. You were distracted by your IPod and cell phone: measures of self-medication that provide distance from thinking about your soul, purpose, and nature. That is the American condition I suppose. We are so blessed, yet we are so cursed at times. I was angry, and I deflected my anger onto you.

Yes, I am gifted with exceptional intelligence, but so what? My anger thwarted any attempt to be productive. I was emotionally bankrupt. My process was skewed- all goal focused. I did not, could not live. I tried to fit into your society; I tried to conform. I tried to wear a mask of the good soldier, the good student, the good husband, and the good father. It did not work. I thought of running away to homelessness or hiding in an office being nobody. It did not work. I forced myself on a path to resolution. I would either heal, or I would die trying.

After my fourth combat tour and six years of perpetual war, I spiraled out of control. I searched for hope and love, and I found nothing. I tried to eat, love, and pray. I tried yoga. I tried the church. I thought that maybe all I had to do was get smarter. I tried to expand my creativity. I tried painting, poetry, rock-climbing, mountain biking, surfing, and hiking. I found nothing.

I found temporary relief with alcohol. Drinking 30 beers a night, I could forget for a bit. For a few precious moments, I was not haunted by the genocide, the burning villages, my soldier’s faces destroyed, or my soldier’s brains deteriorating. I found relief. I spent several nights in jail for public intoxication, and I kept falling.

The Army was very patient with me. They tried to give me space to sort through my grief, but it did not work. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they sent me to Kansas. What the hell is in Kansas?

In Kansas, a transformation occurred. Magic and miracle are the only words to describe what happened. I watched old, crusty Vietnam Veterans break weeping like young children. I let go. I am not angry anymore. I am alive!!!

Nancy understood. Once, she had walked in my shoes. She knew that I saw the world differently from most. She reminded me I have one of three choices to make: conform, walk away, or voice truth to power. I chose voice. I understand the implications of my decision with regards to the Army. With my voice, I am walking away. I will now be considered too rebellious, too different. I am okay with my decision. Furthermore, I made a decision to pursue my new life with the same audacity that I once pursued al Qaeda. This is my story.

After years of endless trauma, Ralph Waldo Emerson emerged anew. He produced definite works in American literature that defined the American spirit of self-reliance for a century. He challenged us to,

“Be not a slave of your own past. Plunge into the deep waters, dive deep and swim far, so that you may emerge anew. Return with renewed experience and deeper understanding.”

Let us tackle his challenge. Let us strive to be the next greatest generation. Let our children live. Follow me. I will share my story. It is raw, real, and true. It is interesting and important. It is a tragedy, but it is mostly a story of hope, acceptance, forgiveness, validation, and love. As the president proclaims, “The audacity of hope must transcend.”

Thank you for reading this. I am not sure if you are ready to hear it, but it is time. God bless you, and God Bless the United States of America. Tomorrow is a new day. Let us not forget our past lest we are forced to repeat it.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:17 PM
CHAPTER ONE: ALL ROADS LEAD TO ZAGANIYAH


“Osama, baah! Osama is not a product of Pakistan or Afghanistan. He is a creation of America. Thanks to America, Osama is in every home. As a military man, I know you can never fight and win against someone who can shoot at you once and then run off and hide while you have to remain eternally on guard. You have to attack the source of your enemy’s strength. In America’s case, that’s not Osama or Saddam or anyone else. The enemy is ignorance. The only way to defeat it is to build relationships with these people, to draw them into the modern world with education and business. Otherwise the fight will go on forever.”

-Pakistani General (Ret) Bashir
Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One School at a Time


"Mike, they're miscreants. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less....You call them jihadists, and you don't understand what jihad means. You've just infuriated 2 billion Muslims and given credence to their cause. They’re simply miscreants." -Pakistani Infantry Officer

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:18 PM
The False Beginning

March 19, 2003. In the beginning, we believed that all roads led to Baghdad. The quiet weeping of the survivors’ mourning echoed from the ashes of the twin towers across the Atlantic through the vast expanse of the Kuwaiti desert. The time for retribution had come. It seemed so right, so just. Finally, we would dismantle Saddam and the Baath Party and show the world what happens when the gentle giant is disturbed. It was time to demonstrate the full might of American Power on those that would seek us harm. We conducted the final inspections of our seventy-ton war machines, wrote our final goodbyes to our families, prayed to the God of Abraham for protection, and stormed through the breach.

Hundreds of miles to the east, the sun’s rays pierced through the darkness in yet another display of its endless cycle, and a young boy was awakened by his father. Today would be different for him. He would not work in the fields. Instead he would attend the madrassa for schooling, one of thousands built by Osama with Saudi Arabian oil money funneled under the guise of charity while the rest of the world slept. Unbeknownst to him, his indoctrination into an ideology of hate, a sick, twisted interpretation of Mohammed’s works, would begin. Today this cancer would continue to spread across the Muslim world.

Two thousand miles away, locked deep inside of his basement, a burly American forced himself to sort through the countless pile of correspondences that had accumulated; however, his thoughts drifted on how to tell his story, raise the money, and educate the children. He is not one of us. He is a different breed.

In the beginning, Pandora’s Box was cracked, civilizations clashed, innocence was lost, and everything unraveled.
In the beginning, we were wrong.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:20 PM
The Americans are Coming

With shock and awe, we stormed across the desert seizing Talil Airfield and destroying the 11th Infantry Division. In the aftermath, LT Aziz assembled his men and launched an early morning dismounted assault against insurmountable odds towards our mechanized forces. His men perished, and he retreated to fight another day.

In Mukisa, young men prayed their morning prayers, said goodbye to their families, collected their blood chits, and moved south to join Saddam’s Fedayeen.

In Zaganiyah, Mustafa followed his family as the Zuharie tribe gathered. Sheik Septar called the meeting to announce that the Americans are coming. He determined that the Zuharies would wait to greet them. All is well. They would wait it out. In time, the wealth would flow as they secured contracts for their trucking company that transported goods to Jordan.

In Janazeer, Sheik Adnon prepared his household for the Tamimi meeting at Sheik Raad’s compound. The Tamimi tribal network successfully collaborated with the Americans across the Persian Gulf from the transportation companies to the dining facilities. Soon, Saddam would be gone. Soon, fortunes would be made. These preparations were essential.

In Baghdad, a truck driver we will call Ali huddled with his family as an artillery unit from the Republican Guard established firing positions in their neighborhood.

In An Nasiriyah, an unknown man we will call Haji was stuck in his shop downtown. He did not know that the Americans would come today, and he stayed in his shop as the bombardments began. He worried constantly over the fate of his wife and three young children.

Eventually, our worlds would collide.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:23 PM
First Contact

March 20, 2003. I established my blocking position as ordered along the main road west of An Nasiriyah. My mission was simple- no one is allowed to pass. I had not slept in the past seventy-two hours. I lost my voice screaming during my first night of actual combat. I was embarrassed by my actions-I had lost control. My ankles had doubled in size as the blood flowed down from the endless vibrations of the march north. I struggled to walk. I was a shell of my former self. The year in the desert had taken its toll, and I lost forty pounds. I was thoroughly exhausted both physically and mentally-further than any football, rugby, or wrestling match had ever taken me. I finally learned my lesson. If I was to lead my men, then I must rest and take care of myself. I would never again lose my wits under fire. The ghost of the Long Grey Line whispered in my ear ringing tales of “duty, honor, and country.” I could not fail lest they haunt me for the rest of my days.
I calmed myself reverting back to the breathing techniques taught to me long ago in scuba school. I found my happy place. I had to control my mind in order to control the chaos naturally embedded in war. Anything extraneous was rejected, and everything else was compartmentalized. I am stubborn man, so I was learning through blunt trauma instead of mindless repetition. My thoughts drifted to the future. Would we face a nuclear, chemical, or biological attack in the Karbala Gap? The odds seemed likely. Would the resistance increase? Surely it would; in retrospect, last night had been a joke. I understood that I would probably die in combat, and I accepted it. I vowed that I would do my best to take care of my boys. I became focused. I became emotionally numb.

That morning, Haji conferred with four of his neighbors who worked downtown with him and were stuck as well. A temporary pause in the fighting occurred, and they decided to attempt to venture home. Hopefully, the Americans would grant them safe passage. They crammed into the tiny sedan and began to travel west.

I was taking a short nap when the radio traffic picked up. A car was approaching from the east travelling at a high rate of speed. Since I was hoarse, I whispered to my loader to send instructions to acquire the car and tell the gunners to proceed with caution. If the car attempted to breach the concertina wire that we had placed one hundred meters in front of our position, then the gunners would engage and destroy it.

Haji and company stopped approximately fifty meters shy of the wire. They got out of the car, threw their hands high in the air, and began walking towards our position. I instructed two soldiers and an NCO to dismount the tanks and conduct an assessment. My loader alerted the company commander. Since none of us spoke Arabic, my boys used hand signals to instruct the men to disrobe and lay on the ground. The car and men were thoroughly searched, and my boys reported that this situation was not a threat; however, they did not know how to proceed.

I climbed off my tank and went to greet Haji. We allowed the men to put their clothes on, and we gathered for conversation. This engagement would be simple. We had rehearsed this scenario in Kuwait. Psychological Operations invested millions of dollars to produce pamphlets with pictures and Arabic that explained that we did not want to harm civilians, and they should remain in their homes. I shook Haji’s hand and gave him a big smile. He nervously smiled back. I showed him the picture of the Iraqis staying in their homes, and I pointed for him to head back east towards Nasiriyah. As he read the document, his eyes sparked in recognition; however, when I pointed east, he started shaking his head furiously. He pointed west through my position. His home was past my blocking position.

Now, we had a problem. My orders were not to allow anyone to pass, but he simply wanted to get back to his home. I decided to ask my commander for permission. On the radio, I pleaded Haji’s case. My commander denied it. Haji could be an operator trying to penetrate our lines for intelligence purposes. I followed my orders, and through a blundering series of hand signals, I forced Haji to head back to Nasiriyah. I suppose that my commander could have been right; however, I will never forget Haji’s reaction.

He burst into tears simultaneously pointing at the picture of the Iraqi family and west past my position. He was simply a broken man that only wanted to see his family. Finally, Haji and his friends got back in their car, turned around, and headed back to the office. In that moment, less than thirty-six hours into the invasion, I honestly believe the insurgency began. We did not have the answers. After many years of suffering, the Marshland Shia had great expectations for the American Invasion, and we were not prepared. We were wrong. I don’t know what happened to Haji. I never saw him again, but I think about him and his family often.

We continued our march north.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:26 PM
Thunder Runs

I do not remember much of the thunder runs. It was violent and fast, but it was too easy. We were in tanks fighting men with AK-47s and RPGs. It was like some weird made for TV movie. It seemed unfair. Firing a 120mm heat round into a man disintegrates his body. It is as if he never existed.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:27 PM
Baghdad

April 2003. After we reached downtown Baghdad, we did not have a mission. The original plan ended south of Baghdad with us cordoning the city while someone else went in. Thomas Ricks documents the strategic blundering in Fiasco: The American Misadventure in Iraq, but the events on the ground were much more traumatic.

The most important thing that you learn when conducting a raid in a house is to find a job. If your sector is clear, then you help your buddies by finding something important to do. There is always work to be done during a clearing mission, and that’s what we did in Baghdad. In the absence of a plan or orders, we found a job.

The neighborhood was nestled somewhere deep inside northwestern Baghdad, past the Abu Gharaib prison, north of Saddam International Airport, and a couple of blocks from the Mother of All Battles (MOAB) mosque. I can probably still pick it out on a map. The remnants of a Republican Guard artillery unit were scattered everywhere- the neighborhood littered with artillery pieces, ammunition, grenades, and artillery shells. When we arrived, the children were tossing hand grenades back and forth for fun. I was flabbergasted.

I ordered the platoon to remain in their tanks, and I took two soldiers and began going door-to-door desperately seeking someone who could speak English. Finally, I met Ali. He became my first translator. We sent the children home. The following day, we went house to house again ordering all the men to come outside and clean up the area. No one volunteered. I was irritated. My men and I cleaned up the neighborhood by ourselves.

The next day, Ali invited me to his home for tea. I brought a bag of Starbuck’s Breakfast blend coffee as a gift. He found it amusing, but thanked me nonetheless. We met in the sitting room and drank some wonderful chai. Being a guest, I would never be admitted past the sitting room into the privacy of their home. Completely covered, his wife darted in and out of the room providing refreshments and snacks. I’ve never been subtle, so I asked him to explain his society to me. I explained that in America, the wife runs the home, and there is no way I could ever force her to wear that type of dress.

At first, he didn’t understand what I was saying. After three or four tries, he burst out laughing.

“Mike, it’s no different here. I’ll be damned if I try to tell my wife what to do in the home. We just have different customs. Outside the house, I am the head of the household. Inside the home, my wife is in charge. In Islam, women wear the veil as a means of respect for their husbands- it’s how they submit to Allah; it’s part of their jihad.”

Although I did not agree with it, it made sense. Anyways, it was their culture, and who was I to tell them how to live? I certainly had enough problems of my own to fix in order to live a righteous life. I then asked him to explain jihad. It was foreign to me, and I only had pictures in my head of the planes hitting the twin towers.

“Mike, jihad is two-fold: 1. one’s never ending inner struggle to live a life that is acceptable to Allah, 2. Society’s attempts to live collectively in peace.”

I had so much to learn. We talked for many hours over his future employment, the hope for his children, and the wonderful things that would happen now that Saddam was gone. I thanked him for the chai, and I said goodbye.

The next day, we moved back to Abu Gharaib.
I never saw Ali again.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:28 PM
Flowers in the Streets

After the Thunder Runs, Baghdad rested for several weeks before erupting into utter violence. We expected flowers in the streets, a simple measure of gratitude for liberation. Instead, Iraqis flocked to our tanks asking for money, cell phones, internet, and Walmart. You name it, they begged for it. I did not know what to make of it. In one of my dumber moments, I deflected responsibility to “the next unit,” the guys who would relieve 3rd Infantry Division. My war was supposed to be over. After a year in the Middle East, we attacked from Kuwait to Baghdad in shock and awe.

I did not know what to do. I assumed we had a plan in place for reconstruction and stability operations. I suppose that is what I get for assuming. In one of my final patrols, I saw some graffiti on the walls. The memory strikes vividly to this day. In English, it stated, “#### Bush, Go Home.” I wasn’t sure how to interpret that at the time. When we drove through the streets, the people respectfully waved and smiled. Right after we redeployed to Kuwait, 1LT Graham White, a friend and former roommate serving in the Ranger Regiment, was struck with one of the first IEDs, a small explosive device thrown from a bridge. After twice being declared clinically dead, he made it back to a full recovery. I started thinking maybe we had messed something up in our assumptions on the validity of this war.

Safely back at Fort Stewart, Georgia, I asked my new commander about my concerns.

“Sir, this doesn’t feel right. I don’t think Iraq is going to end so quickly.”

“Mike, you’re thinking too much. Within six months, this place will be like Bosnia.

I wish I had been wrong. I wish there had been flowers in the streets. Upon redeployment, I could hardly step foot on a tank. I hated to pick up my weapon and go to the range for marksmanship training. I would cry uncontrollably driving in to work. I had raging headaches that would not go away. My vision was blurred. I could not understand what was wrong with me. I hid my shame under the medals of valor on my chest. I thought maybe that would make it better. It did not work. I was searching for validation of our deeds as Iraq began to descend into chaos.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:31 PM
Things Fall Apart

“Well, I still get to call you CPT Few for now. After a year of therapy I have reached normal for the recall skills of someone who has suffered from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) which simply means that I am an average retard person. I still have consistent headaches, dizziness, vomiting, and photophobia. On top of all that, I am still kicking myself in the ass for leaving the mission. That has been one of the hardest things for me to handle. I was finally doing what I had spent my adult life training to do, and I left before I was finished.”
-Wounded Paratrooper

“You stole my past, my present, and my future.”
-Female school teacher in Zaganiyah to SSG Joshua Kinser (A/5-73 Recon), July 2007.


January 2007.* I walked up and down that road.* Inside, I challenged God.* I screamed at him to take my life.* Let them be.* I pleaded with him to let these boy’s go home to see their families.* *I tempted fate.* Allah did not listen.

Everyone was scared.* We were walking into unknown territory. No one wanted to go down that road, but it was the only way.* It was the only path to Turki Village.* Every twenty meters or so, the road would explode, and I would lose another man.* We’d stop, begin treatment, call the air medevac, and wait.

The road was scattered with plastic double-stacked Italian anti-tank mines.* They were dug deep into the ground, and we had no way to identify them.* I tried mine plows, mine detectors, explosive ordinance disposal teams, and bulldozers.* Nothing worked.

We didn’t know what Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBIs) were at that time; however, deep inside me, I knew.* I watched my boys’ minds fade away.* They were simply gone.* They could not even count from one to ten.* They couldn’t remember anything.* I knew this decision would haunt me for the rest of my life.* I knew, and I didn’t care.* We had to go to Turki Village, and I decided I would get there if it cost me everything.

I didn’t know what to do, but I knew everyone was watching me.* I was commanding over 200 men: Americans and Iraqi Kurds, tankers, scouts, infantry, field artillery, and engineers.* I did the only thing that I could think of- I got pissed off, tempted fate, and walked up and down the road to encourage my men.*

*We had just left a village.* I can’t remember the name of it, but it scared me.** I was no longer easily scared.* The village was completely empty.* Al Qaeda had cleansed it.* A week later, a tribal sheik would show me the video of the bodies on his cell phone, but I already knew.* They had drug out everyone-men, women, and children, and they summarily executed them in the canals.* There were at least 100 people in this village.* Now, it was empty.

Al Qaeda had set up a command and control center in the town’s square.* They used the roof to observe us as we came down the road.* We were able to kill most of the reconnaissance elements, but two escaped by low crawling through the brush.* I ordered my men to burn the brush.* We would finally catch up with those men two days later.* They would not survive.

Inside the command and control center, there was a communications room, sleeping area, medical station, and torture room.* On the radio, I was asked repeatedly how I knew it was a torture room.* I was frustrated trying to articulate what we were seeing.* My higher headquarters wanted pictures and video tape for exploitation.* Moose started laughing.* He walked into the torture room, licked his finger, touched the stained wall, tasted it, and said, “Yep, sir, it’s blood.”* I nearly fell over laughing.* That story was amusing to tell to my boss.*

We found an underground tunnel network extending around the compound.* The design was pretty innovative- it appeared to be bomb-proof.*

Throughout the town, signs were placed on the doors- “Apostates-You are Rejecters of the Faith- you will die.”*

The villagers’ crime was being Shia.

After a long series of discussions all the way up to the division commander about collateral damage, we were finally given the authority to destroy the command and control center.* As we moved back onto the road, an F-16 dropped a 500 pound bomb.* In some ways, I thought maybe this would make it better.


The War Machine rumbled south towards Turki Village.* We would make this right.*

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:32 PM
7 May 2007. Septar let her through. He stepped back, and gave me a wicked smile of sarcasm-a knowing smile, one that penetrated my soul and showed the depths of his inhumanity. She walked towards me, three inches away. I could smell her sweat and the years of ingrained turmoil. She thrust herself to the ground. She threw sand upon her face repeatedly, slapped her cheeks, and screamed in Arabic, “Walla, Walla (I swear, I swear)!!!” She begged for forgiveness for her sons. Alas, they had served as scouts for Al Qaeda, and they were in prison. She begged for relief and forgiveness. She pulled out her ###, slapped it harshly as a means of signifying the evil that she had bore from her groins and nursed through childhood, and she cried incessantly. She thrust her arms and hands upon me, the sand leaving a mark upon my cheek, scraping down my body and kissing my feet. With the wisdom of Solomon, I offered no reprieve and no outward signs of remorse. To compound the situation, she was Moose’s aunt, and her brother, MAJ Karim, had been assassinated by AQIZ.

Septar laughed. I had passed his test. I went to lunch with Al Qaeda. -Zaganiyah, 7 May 2007

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:34 PM
March 20, 2008. Almost a year ago today, I climbed out of my HMMWV in utter shock and total disbelief. The bicyclist that I had inspected only moments prior detonated himself inside my interior lines. I walked to the blast site detached and aloof: oblivious of the smell of burning flesh, the ringing in my ears, or the screaming of the civilians. As I stumbled aimlessly towards the blast site, I was consumed solely by an abject sense of failure. After this emotion subsided, I was overcome with a desire for revenge. I wanted nothing more than to annihilate anyone directly or indirectly associated with this bombing. These thoughts dissipated within a matter of minutes as my soldiers voices penetrated my internal debate, “What do we do now, sir?” I quickly regained my composure and began commanding. In the aftermath, four soldiers and two young children were killed, and two soldiers severely wounded. My soldiers’ faces were so dismembered that I had to remove their body armor and read the nametapes on their uniforms to identify the casualties.


Jason Nunez was my driver for eight months. He could never stay awake during any extended training exercise, and I used to yell at him constantly about how he was going to get our crew killed due to his lack of mental toughness. After I was done yelling, I would tell him to relax, his fear would subside, and he would shine his infectious grin. Jason grew up in Puerto Rico. He was chasing the American Dream. He simply sought to work hard and make a better life for his children than he had growing up. After his enlistment, he flew to San Antonio and spent a year learning the English language. His recruiter convinced him to enlist as a nuclear, biological, and chemical specialist with a high-speed video. Furthermore, he volunteered again to join the Airborne. Jason was very upset to learn that his military occupation specialty (MOS) is not very exciting. He planned to re-enlist as an elite airborne reconnaissance scout. Upon redeployment, his young wife and six-month old daughter were going to move from Puerto Rico to North Carolina, obtain their citizenship, and begin a new life. At his funeral, his mother ripped off the American flag from his casket and replaced it with the Puerto Rican flag. She was convinced that Jason was simply another Puerto Rican boy enslaved into servitude to die in Bush’s war. She was wrong. He is my brother. One day, I will visit to tell her about the Jason that I knew. Jason was a paratrooper who died serving his newfound country. He was 22.

Anthony White was one of my mechanics. Previously, he was a juvenile delinquent, but Staff Sergeant Tyrone “Smithy” Smith turned him into a fierce paratrooper. At Patrol Base Otis, on the demarcation line between sectarian enclaves of Abu Sayda and Mukisa, the platoons would limp a HMMWV struck by an improved explosive device (IED) back to the base that appeared beyond repair. After a careful inspection, Smithy would tell me not to worry- he’d have it functional the next morning. Anthony would grab the CD player and speakers, crank up the Tupac, and go to work. He never complained. He always had a big smile on his face. He would say over and over again, “Don’t worry sir, I got this ####.” They never let me down. They would work through the night, and the next morning, the platoons would take that HMMWV back on patrol. When trucks were not being blown up, Anthony would fire up the grill and provide hot hamburgers to the boys after patrol. When he wasn’t grilling or fixing trucks, he would beg me to let him outside the wire on patrol. Upon his death, his father called senators and demanded investigations and punitive action on the chain of command. He was 21. He is my brother.

Jason Swiger was a unique individual, a beautiful person. He drove a black Hearst scattered with bumper stickers. When it got a flat tire, the Hearst stayed forever parked in front of my troop area. He loved the Army. He loved Fort Bragg, jumping out of airplanes, and being a scout. He loved his wonderful wife Alana, and he loved life. You could never stop Swiger from planning some type of practical joke. He was constantly in trouble. He flowed with it. He was a damn good paratrooper. He was 24. He is my brother.

Orlando Gonzalez was an oddball. He had grown up with estranged parents, and he never seemed to fit in. He was extreme introvert, but a good trooper nonetheless. In the last weeks of his life, he found peace. He found a home in Shadow Troop. He was 21. He is my brother.
Additionally, the 300 men of our squadron lost another 19 men with another 100 receiving Purple Hearts for wounds received from enemy fire and 20 suffering from TBI or PTSD.

They were my boys.

I loved them dearly. I think of them often.

They are no longer with us. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes, when I walk through the dining facility and see young paratroopers eating, I see their faces. I have to remind myself that they are not my boys. It saddens me.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:36 PM
On Killing

“I can kill all day long, but what is the point?”
-COL. David Sutherland, 3BCT, 1CAV

“Treat everyone with dignity and respect, but be prepared to kill them.”
- COL. Bryan Owens, 3BCT, 82nd ABN

October 31, 2006. “Sir, trade weapons with me,” Bernie whispered from the protection of our hide site. We were hidden deep within the grape vineyards. We had snuck in under the cover of darkness, found the enemy, and now it was time to kill. We had been tracking our prey for weeks. We were finally given the go. As the women and children scattered, the sniper quickly began to recede back into the safety and anonymity of the town. For a moment, he was in range. Staff Sergeant Joshua Bernthall focused. We traded weapons- his sights were conditioned for room clearing, mine for long-range observation. He calmed his body, breathed deep, and squeezed the trigger. With the first round, he zeroed my weapon to his specifications. With the second squeeze, in one fell swoop, the bullet traveled out of the palm groves, across the Diyala River, down the crowded street, and the sniper fell- one round to the head-perfection. Operation Shaku Maku had begun. Thankfully, there would be no civilian casualties today.

In On Killing, Dave Grossman contends that in combat, a soldier must dehumanize his enemy in order to kill him. He argues that the psychological nature of man will not allow one to kill another if you consider them as your equal. That sounds all and good. It’s logical, thoughtful, and academic; however, Dave never killed a man.

My experiences were vastly different. In a counter-insurgency effort, one has to eat dinner with one’s enemy, spend time with them, get to know their families, become intimately engaged with them, and then kill them.

There is always doubt, and you hardly ever know for certain that you had the right man. You just make a decision. In those times, I felt like Gabriel, God’s chosen Angel of Death.

* In some ways, in some stark contrast, I feel tranquil.* In other ways, I’m distraught.

I am neither anti-war nor am I a war-monger. It’s just a part of who we are- part of the cycle of life. My life is quite the paradox- I have little regard for shooting weapons or the pomp and ceremony of the garrison military. I simply don’t care for it. If this war wasn’t going on, I’d have left the Army a long time ago to pursue a business career. That’s the way the Few family rolls. We’re strikingly independent. It’s not a question of a cup half empty or half full- our cup overfloweths. The oxymoron of our surname is never-ending.

However, in combat, I’m notoriously brutal. I turn on a darker side, and I found that I can kill without remorse. Not murder, but killing whether it be man, woman or children. I have never committed a war crime- my actions were totally justified by jus in bellum (conduct in war). Whoever is culpable is subject to die. In some sense, this choice should only be left to GOD….

** Deep inside, as I compartmentalized the tragic horrors of my experiences, a cancer of the mind began to overtake me. Slowly, it ate away at my mind, my heart, and my soul. I became numb.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:38 PM
Liminality

“Social scientists have a word to describe what you are experiencing--it is called liminality--the state of being betwixt and between.** You have gone*beyond your*old*frame of reference and standard way of viewing the world, and you are just beginning to grasp and understand what the contours of a new frame of reference might look like.* The space is uncomfortable, disconcerting, unnerving, especially to those around you, but*critical to the creative process and breakthrough thinking.* Stay with it.”***

*"The liminal state is characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. One's sense of identity dissolves to some extent, bringing about disorientation. Liminality is a period of transition where normal limits to thought, self-understanding, and behavior are relaxed - a situation which can lead to new perspectives."*

-Dr. Nancy Roberts


May 2008. The Good Book provides stark examples of how the Good Lord tamed wild men over time. After his triumphant defeat over Goliath, David was forced to hide in the desert for many years until he was mentally ready to become King. During this time, he learned wisdom. During this time, he centered himself. He was no longer boy. He became a man. After escaping the wraith of the Egyptians, the Israelites stumbled through the desert for forty years until they submitted to God. After the crucifixion, Peter renounced Jesus three times. Jesus forecasted this betrayal, but Peter was a proud man. He promised the Messiah that he would never betray him. After the crow squawked thrice, Peter finally submitted. It was the only way.

April 2008. This process was definitely unnerving for everyone involved. At any other point in my life, the story of Greg Mortensen would have found its way inside my brain, processed, and pushed out a coherent thought, but I was not ready for it. My life was unbalanced. On the year anniversary of my fallen, in the midst of a loveless marriage crumbling away, in an academic realm of constantly picking apart Iraq, in luncheons with generals trying to explain Iraq, I was not centered.

I’ve spent my entire adult life hunting Al Qaeda. I immersed into another culture, conducted investigations, identified the enemy, and then I killed them. My life has been one of destruction as I chased ghost across the world. Then, I heard the beautiful story of a man that builds schools. That’s it. He builds schools. This man is single-handedly winning the so-called Global War on Terrorism through his own actions- stubbornness, sense of purpose, and love. His efforts are quite innovative, yet impractical for the bureaucracy of any government. The story tipped me over because I was not centered. I hit my break point.

They finally came to get me. They carted me off to the psychological ward.
“Oh no,” they thought, “Mike has finally lost it.”

No one ever said it out loud, but I could see the sadness in their eyes. This proud warrior was broken. How could this happen? After a week of being poked and prodded, after in depth examinations by psychiatrists and psychologist, it was determined that I did not have any normal serious mental problems.

I had not lost it. I was simply a little unwell.

I had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I am not the only one.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:39 PM
Things Come Together

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Shame on the man of cultivated taste who permits refinement to develop into fastidiousness that unfits him for doing the rough work of a workaday world. .

-Theodore Roosevelt


“Mike, you can’t lean on this Iraq thing for excuses your whole life. Frankly, you are the worst man that I have ever met.” - Ex in- law

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:40 PM
In the end and somewhere in between, I am in the process of centering myself. I know who I am, I know where I’ve been, and I am beginning to get a sense for where I’m going. I am not a classically trained anthropologist nor am I a scholar. I’m a simple paratrooper who’s lived an extraordinary life in the service to his country. Instead, I’m learning how to live, and in doing so, I must tell the story of the men I’ve lost. I must find some semblance of reason, some notion of rationale to their sacrifices.

In Iraq, my presence was far from that of a neutral observer. I was an occupier who’s second and third order effects are still being felt on this society; however, through a series of events, I established long-standing ties. I penetrated the deep seeded ancient politico-social-religious networks of the tribes. From an Iraqi perspective, I am a Tamimi; I am a Zuharie. I am Naqeb Few. If I ever return as a civilian, I have land grants, two wives and a girlfriend awaiting me.

Paradoxically, I’m just a southern Baptist boy and a product of the North Carolina public school educational system. I grew up absorbing the Judeo-Christian western values system that laid the great foundation for our nation. I fear the God of Abraham, David, Jesus and Peter. A great, great, great, great grandfather of mine signed the Declaration of Independence for the state of Georgia, yet I’m two generations removed from the coal mines of West Virginia. For undergraduate studies, I pursued an understanding into the study of money. I chose to attend West Point, and I’m fully indoctrinated under the MacArthur principles of “duty, honor, and country.” In sum, I have significant ingrained blocks into truly understanding the Diyala River Valley.

Nonetheless, I’m inextricably linked to Zaganiyah. The plight of the modern Arab society is deeply woven into the fabric of my life. This understanding transcends the superficial support the troops, transnational terrorism, or you’re with us or against us. This understanding is real.

For far too long, we’ve failed to grasp a true understanding of Iraqi society. We simplify thousands of years of rich dialogue, history and tradition into thirty-second sound bites. It is our great failing as Americans. Despite our amazing capacity to design the best manmade form of government conceivable, despite our tremendous ability to overachieve, despite all of the wonderful things that make our society great, we have an unapologetic short-term memory. In this day and age, we are slaves to our IPODs and Blackberries. We walk along unaffected by anything outside our immediate surroundings. In my downtime, I am no better than you in that regard.
I’ve struggled with where to go with this next part. I can make a compelling argument that we should stay the course in Iraq for the next one hundred years.

Contrastingly, I can suggest that we should leave tomorrow. I do not know. Referring back to my indoctrination under Samuel Huntington and Colin Powell’s lead, I will make no policy statements. Just listen.

I cannot tell you what to think. All that I can ask is that you listen to my story, appreciate the heroic tales and sacrifices of my men, feel the pain of the Iraqi society, and come to your own conclusions. I will only ask one thing- please do not go back to sleep.

Past Iraq, the world is a changing, and they desperately need our leadership. These are amazing times, and we have the opportunity to positively shape the future for our children and generations to come. As a wise old boss used to tell me when I was not focused, “Mike, go back to work. The troops need a leader.” We should take heed to his wisdom.
For me, all roads lead to Zaganiyah. In some ways, I’m still there. It is time to tell the story of Zaganiyah. From this story, we can begin to understand this culture. From this culture, we can separate ourselves from their plight. From this plight, THEY can begin to re-engineer the lines drawn in the sand after World War I. Then, we can begin leading again. The sine que nai is that all politics are local, so we must begin there.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:41 PM
PART ONE
THINGS FALL APART



“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” - Romans 12:2

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:42 PM
CHAPTER TWO: CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE


“People sleep well at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”
-George Orwell, 1984

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:44 PM
Fort Bragg (August 2005-August 2006)

I am not sure where to even start. My story will seem unbelievable to some even though I do not embellish. Sometimes I wonder if it really happened. Maybe it was all a bad nightmare. How the hell did it come to this? Then, I pick up a newspaper and see that after eight years, Bin Laden is still free, our financial markets are in turmoil, and we are engaged in two protracted wars in southwest Asia. It seems maddening, but it is not a dream. We were wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if Thomas Jefferson and John Adams are tossing in their graves. Some of the founding fathers were skeptical of the social experiment of democracy working in the United States much less being forced upon another society. In truth, democracy is neither a predestined inalienable right endowed by our creator nor is it an ends to a means. Rather, it is a gift to be earned and cherished. Those are not my words; they flow throughout the Articles of Confederation and the Federalist Papers.

These realizations dawned not through the burning bush of divine providence, but through the unforgiving observations collected through my years engaged in the bloody, muddy, hands on work of counter-insurgency. I found it ironic that I devoted the majority of my twenties trying to rebuild a society that never existed, chasing an imaginary enemy that we accidently invented, fighting a non-religious war that was indeed religious, and attempting to control the hearts and minds of another culture when my country could not control her own erratic impulses. I was perplexed.

In some twisted sense of political correctness, we attempted to dumb down the nature of war repackaging it into nightly Orwellian sound bites for Fox News. Unfortunately, the editing process edited out the more important parts- things like honoring the dead by allowing the country to pay homage to their final trip home. Redeploying home in between tours, I observed a United States that I no longer understood- consumerism turned to gluttony, capitalism to greed, religion with no God, freedom overtaken by fear. The racing thoughts clouded my brain and unnerved my inner core. I was angry.

Is everything really different or was it always this way? Clinical psychologist call it compartmentalized psychosis, a temporary insanity. I was misdiagnosed once, but mainly because I was drunk, and I told the doctor that he was the crazy one. New Rule Number 541- No drinking 24 hours prior to a psychological evaluation. You will lose. Just trust me on that one.

In the Army’s Search, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape (SERE) course, one is taught indirect methods to surviving captivity as a prisoner of war. One is never to be the aggressor or act tough. The best course of action is to appear weak and submit. Only then can one remain strong. I should have paid more attention to the advice those instructors tried to impart on me; however, I’m much too stubborn to listen to others at times. Typically, I learn through blunt trauma rather than mindless repetition.

I’m getting off track. It is far too early to start sharing my haunting concerns, feelings, and personal limitations. Anyways, if I tell the story right, my thoughts will resonate through without me dictating what you should or should not think. More importantly, I hope to share the confusion and disheveled feelings this war extracted on our soldiers. Furthermore, I am very much aware that I could be wrong; it wouldn’t be the first time.

Throughout this tale, you will hear from a disgruntled, sarcastic, and indignant young captain. I will curse, judge, and at times appear quick tempered. Don’t be fooled. This tale is not so much a story of who I was, but a hat that I had to wear. To be an effective combat commander, one must master the art of “fight or flight.” During this period, I acted in a way that would scare my Sunday school teacher and my mother. My granny would cry watching the transformation. I acted in this way to stay alive and complete my mission. War changes men. No one is innocent in war.

In the narrow, precise world of academia, this story should be considered an inductive case study on humanity, economics, psychology, politics, religion, diplomacy, and war- all the essential ingredients of a refined counter-insurgency brew. For now, I’ll stick to that line of thought. Bear with me, it is about to get exciting. I’m going to take you to a place that you can hardly fathom, much less comprehend. For the sake of our children, I believe it is time to share. First, you have to step out the door.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:49 PM
“Green light, Go”

January 2006. The brisk southeastern wind zipped into the unpressured cabin of the C-130 as the Air Force Loadmaster turned control over to the Jumpmaster, “Army- your door.” Through the eerie green candescent light, I watched First Sergeant (1Sgt) Royce Manis begin the intricate task of inspecting the door for any imperfections or obstacles that could impede the jumpers exit. During his twenty years in the elite Army Ranger Regiment, Royce perfected this task through endless repetition, and his body swept the door gracefully in calm, fluid precision as delicate and accurate as the San Francisco symphony conducting Beethoven’s Fifth. Later, in my darkest hour, Royce would assist me in fighting through Dante’s seventh level of hell with the quiet professionalism that embodies the best mantra of the non-commissioned officer corps.

Next, Royce thrust his upper body into the night to inspect the outside of the aircraft ensuring that nothing protruded to obstruct our descent. Satisfied that the right door was kosher, he pulled himself back into the bird, spun 180 degrees clockwise, extended a thumbs up, and waited for Sergeant First Class (SFC) John Coomer to finish checking the left door. John is another mild mannered quiet professional: a father, brother, husband, and leader. John is a guy you want to follow in any situation. His calm demeanor would later prevail in the worst of circumstances. Ten seconds later, Coomer and Manis gave a silent nod, turned towards the jumpers, extending their arms parallel with index and middle fingers pointing forward, arched an imaginary ‘M’, and sounded off in unison, “Stand-by.” With all inspections complete, the Air Force pilots navigated towards the drop zone (DZ) slowing to 130 knots preparing to unload 64 paratroopers into the darkness of this calm North Carolina night.

As the plane approached the DZ, 1Sgt Andrew Coy walked towards me. For this JFEX (Joint Forcible Entry exercise), Andy served as a safety. He would not jump. Working in conjunction with the Air Force loadmaster, his tasks were to inspect the safety of the aircraft prior to take-off, accept all static lines as jumpers exit the door, and retrieve the discarded static lines and parachute straps back into the aircraft. Then, he returned with the crew to the corresponding airfield. It is an important job, but outside of about three minutes of high adventure, it is rather boring and mundane.
************************************************** ********************************

Andy was one of the few multiple tour Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in my new unit. He and I quickly hit things off when I transferred to Fort Bragg in June 2006. We transcended past the “Old” 1990’s Army of parades, inspections, cutting grass that didn’t grow, and superficial training exercises against a Russian Army dismantled sixteen years prior. We focused on real combat learned through years of blunt trauma, burning bodies, and costly mistakes. We did not have any answers, but we clearly understood that business as usual was not working.

Andy would say, “Sir, if it looks like ####, smells like ####, and taste like ####, then it is probably ####.”

I preferred to take a more tempered approach. I chose the word absurd to describe the current predicament. 2005 was a horrible year in Iraq, and 2006 was not looking brighter. Three weeks after this jump, the mosque in Samarra would explode igniting a full-out civil war. In 2005, during my previous Iraq tour, I served a brief stint on the Multi National Corps- Iraq (MNC-I) staff. Fortunately, my boss selected me to moonlight as a liaison officer for CJSOTF-AP (Combined Joint Special Operations Task Force- Arabian Peninsula), the resident Special Forces command in Iraq, so I was not required to spend too much time in Saddam’s Al-Fawah palace, more commonly known as the puzzle palace.

I learned a great deal during that tour. Special Forces command took me in as family, and I learned the science of guerilla warfare. They allowed me to work in their J2 (Intelligence) and J3 (Operations) sections. At night, I poured through volumes of doctrine on why men rebel against the government, how to organize resistance organizations, clandestine activity, deception operations, and other devious means of conducting small wars. In effect, I attended a mini-graduate course in counter-insurgency.

Previously, my study of warfare consisted of the Army’s Armor Captain Career Course instructions on determining the most effective means to defeat the Russians in the Fulda Gap. When I probed my instructors on Iraq and Afghanistan, I was told that I must not get too focused on fighting the past wars. That was 2004. Considering we were still engaged in both wars, I could not relate.

Simultaneously, I got to pull back the curtain and observe the high command. I observed the senior level discussions of the Coalition’s perspective on the state of Iraq. I was allowed to sit in on the big meetings with generals and politicians as long as I kept my opinions to myself. God, that was nerve-racking. Most of the time, I feel that I have something relevant to add to almost any conversation! How could they ask such sacrifices from me? I never understood why the generals were not interested in my enlightened opinions. I persevered through. At least I did not have to make them coffee and iron their uniforms.

Semantics aside, I walked away feeling confused and unnerved. The generals were good, decent, and respectful men. They were not the raging, war-mongering lunatics depicted in many anti-war films. I often wondered what burdens they must carry at night. I wondered how they slept with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They wanted to do the right thing and win, but winning was ambivalent in the current state. In another form of irony, as a young captain, I pitied the generals much as I grieve for you today. I wanted to scream that the emperor had no clothes on. He was fooled by his mindless court jesters. Why could they not see????

The briefings in the puzzle palace required a woeful disregard for the truth as it pertained to the average Iraqi. Beautiful, masterful PowerPoint slides displayed measures of progress that could outshine an Enron annual report- measure of effectiveness ranging from the number of joint Iraqi-American patrols, traffic control points, raids, and numbers of enlistments obscured reality. Ignorant propaganda slogans proclaiming, “As they stand up, we will stand down,” “We’ll fight them here so we don’t have to fight them in the US,” and “You’re with us or against us” clouded judgment. Too black and white in a world of gray. One plus one equals three. If it is written, then it must be truth.

Contrastingly, Abu Massad Al-Zarqawi implemented the beginnings of his dream of an Islamic caliphate in Iraq. The self-proclaimed QJBR, al Qaeda of the Two Rivers, recruited Sunni resistance groups resisting the occupation. Zarqawi intended to fight a holy war against the West; the Sunnis simply wanted to regain their perceived birthright- control of Iraq. The two meshed in a fragile marriage of convenience.

Simultaneously, Muqtada al Sadr recruited his Mahdi Army (MA). They infiltrated the Iraqi Security Forces and Police. Special Police Units under the control of the Ministry of Interior began a “cleansing” of former Baath officials. The Shia wanted retribution and validation for years of suffering under Saddam.

We did not see. We had no excuse not to see. Temporary treaties between enemies are as old as Cain and Able- quid pro quo of balanced opposition. We were still waiting for our victory parade in Bagdad and flowers in the streets.

Prior to the invasion, British historian Toby Dodge argued that Iraq had been on the verge of a civil war ever since its independence from British rule following World War One. Benevolent dictator control squashed opposition and kept internal feuding minimized for ninety years. GEN Colin Powell’s Pottery Barn remark did not quite fit. We did not break Iraq; we simply open up the box. Following this line of thought, Saddam was not the problem or solution in Iraq; he was a symptom. By mid 2005, the bonfire of ethno-sectarian, religious, and tribal strife was stacked and well soaked in gasoline. All that remained was the spark. All we could see was the imaginary clothing of fictional notions of success.


************************************************** **********************************

Andy continued to walk towards me in the bird. This was my first mission as a company commander. Conversely, this jump was his last as a first sergeant. Before he walked away, he wanted to impart one last piece of wisdom to his young friend.

“Mike, this is your first mission. I know you are nervous and scared. Let it go and have fun. Command goes by way too fast. Just enjoy it. I know you will do well. Now, go take care of your boys.”

I looked him straight in the eyes and nodded a knowing nod. Royce Manis and John Coomer sounded off with a thunderous boom,

“30 SECONDS!!!”

Andy walked back towards the door. Jumpers shook their static lines. It was time. The exit light flashed from red to green.

“GO!!!”

The jumpers rushed out the door. As the momentum of the line sped up, Andy smiled at me, and I began my march towards the exit. I handed my static line to Andy, turned 90 degrees, planted my left foot, and surged my right leg forward. My body followed. I was officially an airborne reconnaissance commander on his first mission.

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:51 PM
The euphoria did not last long. Typically, one strives to exit the aircraft and form an L-shape upon descent. Then, one begins to count to five and wait for the chute to release. On the other hand, I over-packed my ruck sack, and the weight flipped my body head first and upside down instead of upright. I tumbled downward in some twisted Z shape. As I struggled to regain my L-shape, my chute deployed. My risers were twisted beyond recognition. This mishap would speed up my descent and could prove potentially fatal. I began engage rigorously in a bicycle kick to unwind my chute.

Despite the difficulties, I could not help but notice the calm darkness of this night. Engaging in a massive tactical night jump is an amazing endeavor to participate in. You saw it in Band of Brothers, but Hollywood cannot capture the serenity of nature juxtaposed with the violence of action contained with paratroopers descending into enemy territory.

As I un-assed myself, I was descending rapidly. I fixed my parachute, but my boots were getting closer and closer to touching the ground. My ruck and weapon remained strapped to my body. Not good. I unfastened the quick release on my weapon and ruck, pulled my risers to slow down, and closed my eyes. This was going to hurt.

So how did yours truly end up in such a predicament? The real story began long before the attacks of 9/11. It begins long ago with a young Egyptian named Sayyid Qutb. Historians and sociologist will debate for decades over what happened to him, but I think it is a fairly simple answer. Sayyid’s mother did not hug him enough. All he needed was a hug!!!

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:52 PM
Men have sought to make a world from their own conception and to draw from their own minds all the material which they employed, but if, instead of doing so, they had consulted experience and observation, they would have the facts and not opinions to reason about, and might have ultimately arrived at the knowledge of the laws which govern the material world.
-Francis Bacon

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:53 PM
Nurture, nourish back to nature we must go
Foregoing pursuit of pillage
Foregoing devious throws
Focus on the family and the village

Always alone, never alone, I simply could not see
Just as the squirrel gathers nuts from the tree
Spreading the seeds, new trees spring
The circle of life continues again

But he is only a squirrel, what purpose to serve?



MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:54 PM
THIS HEART OF STONE

You know you’ve been around and kicked around when your memories playback with a nearly complete Rolling Stones soundtrack. It’s a hard edged, tough music that blocks the silence and fills in the blanks. I can’t hear the Stones, Doors, or Jimi without feeling it; the long strong pull of Nam. Man, when I’ve got “Paint it Black” blasting in my ears I can remember how it felt: the rush of adrenaline, the emotional distance….

Sometimes when I’m out and about, I look around at other people and wonder what soundtrack would describe their life. Can you recognize the one who just never went? He’s probably that smug, self-assured asshole. Playing in a world where people like him made all the rules. You know the type that just didn’t go. I start to hate the mother####er without even knowing him. That’s when I have to say “#### it, it don’t mean ####.” Nam was for sure a bitch, but at least I don’t have to put up with a Barbara Streisand soundtrack playing in my head.

I admit that I’m difficult to be around. I find it difficult to relate, trust, or to even be around other people. I can try to and sometimes succeed in working or just being around people. It can be done but at a price, but who wants to pay. Me, I’m pretty much busted, emotionally broke, and there are few people in my life. Sometimes I want to keep it that way, other times it makes me angry or sad. I know that most of the time people look at each other with a polite smile and mutually agree “#### you.” He looks at me and sees a lowlife proletariat scum. I look at a guy and see and see a slave to the master-crass.

Now and then though you see someone, and they have a presence. When you look into his eyes you can see the “Heart of Stone, and you know you can never break the stone.” It seems that there are still a few of us, and lately more every day and we’re all locked in the same place.

It’s that we are scattered and isolated, stuck in our pasts, and lost in the present. We don’t connect often, that’s probably our intention too. Our collective soul is dark and our karma seems ####ed. However when we stand together, we can remember together. Together we find it possible and safer to go back and re-examine those days. There is a lot to think about; a lot of #### to sort out.


-Steve Boyer, Combat Medic, Vietnam Veteran

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:54 PM
BROTHERS IN ARMS


These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you’ll return to
Your valley and your farms
And you’ll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms
Through these fields of destructions
Baptism of fire
I’ve witnessed all the suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms
There’s so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones
Now the sun’s gone to hell
And the moon’s riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it’s written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We’re fools to make war
On our own brothers in arms

-Dire Straights

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:55 PM
I am of old and young, of the foolish as much as the wise,
Regardless of others, ever regardful of others,
Maternal as well as paternal, a child as well as a man,
Stuffed with the stuff that is coarse, and stuffed with the stuff that is fine. . .

These are the thoughts of all men in all ages and lands, they are not original with me,
If they are not yours as much mine they are nothing or next to nothing,
If they do not enclose everything they are next to nothing. . .
-Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:56 PM
MONTEREY, CALIFORNIA (SEPT 2007-JAN 2009)

“Once you face death, once you overcome your fears, then you are free to live.* These are the lessons that I've learned....

I will martyr myself with my words so that you may understand, and I may heal.* It would have been simply easier to have died a hero’s death in Turki Village than to wrestle with the demons in my head.* I’ve died over and over again in Iraq.* My bird was shot down in Ramadi.* My tank crashed is As Samawa.* An RPG got me in Baghdad.* Indirect fire struck me in Balad.* A suicide bomber destroyed me in Baqubah.** The grenade got me in Turki Village.* The sniper hit his mark in Zaganiyah.* The moments flash through my mind again and again.*

They brought me home on the C-17, draped my coffin with the American flag, and laid me to rest in Arlington.* The motorcycle boy’s rode in, and some fanatical religious left wing group protested the war.* My friends flew in from all around the world, cried at the funeral, and headed to the pub for beers.* They drank throughout the night in memoriam.* “Mike was such a good dude,” they cried in their heightened state of inebriationated awareness.* They would mourn, remember, and dance.* It would be beautiful.* I’ve replayed this time and time again in my head.*

In the end, there would simply be a grave marker that Taylor Elizabeth Few would eventually visit and wonder who her daddy was.

Physically, I did not die.*

-Considerations on my own death in Iraq

MikeF
04-11-2009, 11:58 PM
Until next time...

Walk with me....

Invitation open...

davidbfpo
04-12-2009, 11:42 AM
Mike F,

At first I was puzzled and on second reading found some understanding. No good at poetry though. It helps if - even on a small scale - some of the journey has been travelled personally and then the insight comes.

Thanks

davidbfpo

MikeF
04-12-2009, 01:34 PM
What is the point of all of this?

This is just my White Paper on PTSD and mTBI.

See as a survivor, I didn't know how to step out of the arena. I had to figure that out myself. So, I did something audacious. You now have a case study to read. Take your time with it.

Now, maybe y'all can figure out what to do.

As for me, I'm actually going home to just be normal for once. Life is way too short to be spent in the insanity of war.

Thank you for your patience and time. I hope that I did not offend anyone.

Peace

:D

Tom Odom
04-12-2009, 01:56 PM
What is the point of all of this?

This is just my White Paper on PTSD and mTBI.

See as a survivor, I didn't know how to step out of the arena. I had to figure that out myself. So, I did something audacious. You now have a case study to read. Take your time with it.

Now, maybe y'all can figure out what to do.

As for me, I'm actually going home to just be normal for once. Life is way too short to be spent in the insanity of war.

Thank you for your patience and time. I hope that I did not offend anyone.

Peace

:D

Anyone offended by that does not count...

Thanks for sharing, Mike

Best
Tom

slapout9
04-12-2009, 03:45 PM
For MikeF.

Brothers In Arms-Dire Straits

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5JkHBC5lDs

Ken White
04-12-2009, 07:35 PM
good pick, Slap...

MikeF
04-13-2009, 01:08 PM
Initially, I did not know where this would lead.
Just one long brutal honest conversation.
Throughout this process,
I found the true meaning of Easter.

Not just turkey, yams, and jellybeans
I found love
As my wise counsel told me
This has to be done

So here it is….
further psychotherapy in my own controlled environment.
now, the soldiers voice.
Don’t make another generation suffer in silence

This is why I did what I did.
I had to give up trying to fix this stuff myself.
Now, y'all have everything you need to solve the problem.
Thus validation -Mike

Sir, thanks for saying what most won't...

Michael, thanks for sharing what we can't comprehend.

Sir,

It has been interesting reading your notes. I did not realize how much your time in the service has cost you. Reading about you spending time in jail for being drunk was somewhat a shock, but not entirely unbelievable.

Many of the people that came back showed signs of great stress in their lives, even if they were not in positions of great responisibility. Soldier 1 tried to kill himself several times (Soldier 2 and I had to pull him in from Atlanta traffic one night), Soldier 3 lost it on some woman trying to recall him for IRR, I nearly killed a kid in the barracks one night for simply talking bad about 5/73. Almost everyone bought guns when we came back. Shootings in the barracks quad happened many weekends with bullet holes being found in B Troop barracks. Some were so close to my window that I found myself dropped to the floor in reaction.

I know that both Soldier 2 and I found solice in talking to veterans from previous wars. I linked up with old paratroopers from Vietnam through various groups and they were very helpful in bringing me back into the right.

I did not know it at the time, but A Troop, and all of 5/73 were hard men. Some of the things we experienced, even after you left, seemed almost normal at the time, but when put against the background of other units as I have now been able to do, I see that there was nothing normal about it.

One of the examples I like to think of is the jundi we worked with in Zag and beyond. At first there was much distrust of Major Aziz's men amongst the lower enlisted, and the jundi mistrusted us too. Slowly, through months of shared guard duties a bond began to form. As the local threat began to target the jundi as much or more than us, that bond deepened. I remember one day after an ambush had seriously wounded a jundi, their SGM was questioning a detainee. The detainee was being flippant. Most of the patrol base had seen the wounded jundi, missing his lower jaw, medevaced out. The IA SGM hauled off and backhanded the detainee. At this, the entire patrol base erupted in cheers. Of course the SGM was quickly brought under control and many of the troopers signed at that as well. In that moment I realized how much we had all changed. No longer were we soldiers and jundi, Americans and Iraqis. For all our differences we had become one- as we talked, fought, and bled together. The Americans weren't cheering the simple act of a beating- they were showing support of the jundi that had become battle brethern.

At Zag, I always chose the East Gate guard position. The jundi there got to know me very well and eventually gave me a nickname, told me stories about their families, and adopted me. As a compliment, many would loudly proclaim me Iraqi and I made many friends there.

And yet, in Iraq I learned hate. Real hate, not the kind that gets so easily tossed around as in when someone talks about displeasing things.

The first time I ever shot at another human was in the fields of Turki village. In some ways I think killing is like sex- an intense, immensely personal affair, and the first time you go about it you aren't very good at it.

There in the fields of Turki I changed as a person. The rest of the Diyala campaign was nothing more than an infant learning the ways of the world as a new man grew in place of the old one.

I suppose this email is a ramble of disjointed thoughts. Lately I have been thinking very hard about Iraq, terrorism, and the future. This tour is drawing to a close, as is my time in the military. My struggle now is to find some application of the knowledge gained over the last two years to do something progressive. As well, the struggle to come back to the social norms of America are filling my thoughts. My reactions to things that offend me are still those of violence, held in check by mental thought and not reaction. Just tonight I put on the gloves and beat up a connex while working out issues from things earlier in the day. Sometimes coming home is not so easy a road, and the longer you spend away from home, the farther that road becomes.

Anyway, happy Easter and I look forward to reading more of your story.

MikeF
04-13-2009, 01:29 PM
As Delivered

5-73 Cavalry “Headhunters” Ball Remarks

LTG William B. Caldwell, IV

071129

Throughout my thirty one years of service, I have talked to countless units
about their history and lineage and reflected on their unit pride and esprit de
corps… the pride of being part of something bigger than themselves… knowing they wear the same patch… the same crest… that links them to great warriors from World War II, Korea or Vietnam… Soldiers who fought valiantly and honorably and some who never returned.

BUT….

NEVER before have I had the distinct and immense honor I have tonight…. The opportunity to address the Soldiers, the Paratroopers, who actually made their history… the men and women who fought the battles! Being here tonight is very different. I’m not here to talk about Warriors of previous conflicts – to reflect on their bravery and heroic deeds… NO – tonight it’s all about YOU!

All too often we do our duty and then fade back into obscurity… never
asking for accolades or even thanks… well… you deserve the accolades for your efforts and you and your families deserve the thanks for your sacrifices… for the "Spartans of TF 300” just wrote the next chapter in the history of the 82nd Airborne Division! In that next chapter, they will talk about how over thirty percent of this squadron of 442 Paratroopers received valorous awards and another sixty percent achievement awards for actions in the combat zone… how over twenty-five percent of the squadron was killed or wounded in combat and of the eighty Humvees that were in the squadron, over thirty five percent were
catastrophic losses with many others damaged. AMAZING statistics by any
standard.

Your accomplishments over this last deployment have been incredible…
almost unbelievable.

When you entered Diyala Province the enemy had a strong hold and safe
haven… a place where they could operate at will and prepare for operations in
other areas of Iraq. Immediately upon arrival Headhunter 6 devised a plan to
take the fight to the enemy… and that’s just what you did! An old adage goes “it
is better to have an army of deer led by a lion than to have an army of lions led
by a deer.” That adage never accounted for the Headhunters. You all are The
Spartans of TF 300, a legion of lions led by a lion!

Your plan, while simple, was extremely effective and now that plan has
become a standard for operations in other areas of Iraq.

You conducted three major campaigns during your fifteen month
deployment. During these campaigns you stemmed the flow of insurgents and
Insurgent technology from Iran. You established a trained and effective Iraqi
Border Patrol. During the Turki Campaign you identified and destroyed insurgent
safe havens and training camps which were responsible for IED Construction
and training, marksmanship training and ideological indoctrination. And in the
process you killed over 300 insurgents and captured another 100. During the
Diyala River Campaign you were asked to stretch your unit even further and
moved the “Spartans of TF 300” westward to Baqubah where you rooted out
more al Qaeda – killing over 300 insurgents and detaining countless others.
YOUR actions… YOUR success saved countless lives and literally changed the
situation in Diyala Province. What the Division intended to be an economy of
force operation – you turned into major campaigns… We’ll all need to remember
that next time we ask the Headhunters to go do something!

And your success was not only in combat operations… You fostered
relationships with the Iraqis that led to their trust… a trust that resulted in the

citizens and tribal leaders working with Coalition Forces for the first time in two
years…providing important information on insurgent activities and caches.

Bottom line: you were the smallest unit in the brigade. You were spread
the thinnest. You sustained the greatest number of casualties and you were able
to hold the most ground and accomplish more than any other unit in MND (N). I
guess good things really do come in small packages! Diyala and all of Iraq are
safer today because of your efforts over the last fifteen months.

But we all realize that it was done by Paratroopers who made incredible
sacrifices and showed enormous bravery. (Aside) When I read the reports on
the actions of the Paratroopers who will receive Silver Stars tonight I was totally
amazed. These stories read like something out of a Hollywood script… A young
specialist firing the .50 cal while his buddy in the vehicle applies a pressure
dressing to his shattered wrist…. and then he dismounts multiple times to
resupply his weapon; a medic, with total disregard for his own safety and without
orders moves more than 100 feet in the open under intense fire to save another
Paratrooper’s life while bullets whizz by and even strike his body armor and aid
bag. These are just a few of the stories of bravery that highlight the character
you all possess. I recently exchanged e-mails with Time Magazine’s Mark Kukis
who embedded with you along with his cameraman Yuri. Yuri said they saw your
character immediately. He said they quickly realized that you were different than
other units they had covered. He stated that you were the best they had ever
seen… when you realize that Yuri has lived in combat zones for over fifteen
years, covering everyone from the Chechen Rebels to sister service units, that is
an amazing testament to you all. They sensed… and I quote “a healthy
underlying aggression tempered by professionalism and thoughtfulness.”… or
the translation of this is… Some kick ass Paratroopers who could turn it on
when required!!

We will never forget and will always honor the sacrifices made by your
brothers in arms…. Paratroopers who gave the last full measure of devotion to
their Nation… and to you.

I want to assure you tonight that their sacrifices were not in vain. I know
that over time, history will record their actions and your operations in Diyala as
one of the great success stories in OIF. We already are seeing the results of
your commitment and sacrifices.

You all are the one’s who achieved this greatness – you all are the ones
who were in the arena and deserve the credit.

Teddy Roosevelt years ago talked about the man in the arena….. He said….

“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly… who spends himself
in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high
achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know
victory nor defeat.”

Well let me tell you… it is you… the fearless Spartans of TF 300… who
have been in the arena…. That we will remember… Your faces are the ones that
are marred with sand… sweat…. and blood. You have spent yourself in that
worthy cause and you know the triumph of high achievement. Ten years from
now… when a new Paratrooper reports to the Headhunters his leadership will
pull him aside and say… “Son, let me tell you what this unit is all about” and he
will tell stories similar to what you have heard about Normandy and Sicily… But
ten years from now…he will tell the story of the Headhunters who fought in the
Turki Bowl Campaign and the Diyala River Campaign in Iraq in 2006 and 2007,
he will talk of heroic deeds and incredible sacrifices – he will talk about you!

Thanks so much… for allowing Stephanie and me to share this evening
with you – you and your families are amazing – and we are thrilled to be here
with you!

AIRBORNE!!

God Bless you all!

MikeF
04-13-2009, 04:21 PM
what I took everyone through was what the native americans call a sweat. we now call it medication and therapy...Every society has done this for their warriors...Every society except us....It is how you let go and release...

in reality, we learned all we needed to know in sunday school and kindergarden...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZUx_3BJR-Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZj6QXm4hp4

Be good to each other. I've said what I needed to say...

goesh
04-14-2009, 03:20 PM
After Nam, I stayed drunk a long time and I can't sleep unless I have a loaded weapon in my bedroom. That Mossberg is covered with dust but it is there. I never got any release until I felt honored as a Veteran and I got that from a Native American Pow wow about 18 yrs ago or so, their Veteran's Honor Song when all the Vets on hand go in the arena and move together around the flag and Native Staff. I'm not Indian but that's just my personal experience. Once I felt honored as a Vet, I was able to respect and honor the NVA/VC - men who just wanted to make it home and keep their buddies alive. It's a hell of a life we chose and I believe in time you will be able to look back and believe that if you had it all to over again, you would change nothing. I wouldn't. therapy never did a thing for me but I know a few guys that it did help. Hang in there.

MikeF
04-14-2009, 03:54 PM
Thanks goesh. I was able to articulate and publish this experience because I made it through. I decided to let my final psychotherapy session be published for free because it can help others.

If some disagree or don't like it, then this thread was not for them.

As a smart, wise psychologist told me, "Either fix it now or end up divorced five times and dying from psorosis of the liver."

I have modeled it all mathematically. Eventually, after I take some rest and have time to finesse it, I'll publish it. I combined biology, economics, and pyschology into one model that can explain individual behavior, groups, and that of the state. But, for now, that must wait. I gotta fix myself first.

v/r

Mike

Tom Odom
04-14-2009, 05:13 PM
After Nam, I stayed drunk a long time and I can't sleep unless I have a loaded weapon in my bedroom. That Mossberg is covered with dust but it is there. I never got any release until I felt honored as a Veteran and I got that from a Native American Pow wow about 18 yrs ago or so, their Veteran's Honor Song when all the Vets on hand go in the arena and move together around the flag and Native Staff. I'm not Indian but that's just my personal experience. Once I felt honored as a Vet, I was able to respect and honor the NVA/VC - men who just wanted to make it home and keep their buddies alive. It's a hell of a life we chose and I believe in time you will be able to look back and believe that if you had it all to over again, you would change nothing. I wouldn't. therapy never did a thing for me but I know a few guys that it did help. Hang in there.


Hey mate

Welcome back!

Tom

MikeF
04-14-2009, 05:37 PM
Persistent Presence

Not in my town claims the mayor as the hamlet burns in anarchy
Self-denial self-inflicted in meaningless promises turned towards lethargy
Obscuring transgressions against the village
Established men descend to pillage
The circle of control diminishes as grievances expand
Sparking great controversy across the land
Armageddon is here; the sky falls down
Nothing has changed; No evolution of man
Neither rich nor poor shortchanged from suffering
Some days I grieve it all for nothing
I cannot fix what always has been,
Therefore, I must transcend.
No longer am I angry.
I return refocused.

These were my lessons learned through my journey. I realize that it is only one town so it might not be universal, but you can consider it.

When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. When someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it. --Author Unknown

Schmedlap
04-14-2009, 05:48 PM
I combined biology, economics, and pyschology into one model that can explain individual behavior, groups, and that of the state.
You'd better hurry. For some of us, that has been the underlying framework for our investment strategies. See behavioral finance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_economics). Not sure what the published literature is, yet. Look into it before publishing. See cryptomnesia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptomnesia). Worst case scenario, you discover that someone else thought of it first, but you realize even if they beat you to it, it took lots of smart people a long time to come up with what you came up with (or read, forgot, stored in your subconscious, and then pieced together) on your own.

MikeF
04-14-2009, 06:08 PM
You'd better hurry. For some of us, that has been the underlying framework for our investment strategies. See behavioral finance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_economics). Not sure what the published literature is, yet. Look into it before publishing. See cryptomnesia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptomnesia). Worst case scenario, you discover that someone else thought of it first, but you realize even if they beat you to it, it took lots of smart people a long time to come up with what you came up with (or read, forgot, stored in your subconscious, and then pieced together) on your own.

I used Wicked Problems literature to erase all the lines and come back with only one. It works for me.

Unfortunately, I gotta take it slow right now and let my brain heal a bit. Right before my cognitive screening test for TBI, I wanted to join in a rugby tournament. Not too smart.

I'm gonna present it in a couple of weeks to some distinguished professors who do things like study and map the eye to make new technologies. We'll see what they say.

Thanks for the input Schmedlap. Right now, I'm simply putting it down on paper so I don't forget it. :D

Mike

reed11b
04-15-2009, 05:45 AM
Moving sir,
Thank you and carry on
Reed

MikeF
04-18-2009, 02:42 AM
Sometimes I forget to say,

"Welcome home brothers....Thank YOU for your service."

Last week, one of my boys was killed by his wife in an accident. Keep that in mind as you conduct safety briefs....

RIP SGT Eric Autio. See you on the final dropzone brother.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=7326252&page=1

Eric was one of my paratroopers. His death is a shock and tragic, but his life was beautiful. He positively impacted everyone arround him with his strength, humor, and character.

Second platoon never rolled mounted without listening to OAR. So tonight, in memorandum, I ask you to join me in remembrance of a good man. Grab your drink of choice, kick back, and remember.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WX32_cwWYD8&feature=PlayList&p=96FC4CF4FDFBCF60&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=5

here's part two..to my deployed brothers, know we're thinking of you....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUND9AsL_6M

I apologize for my emotional outburts, but better on-line that can be erased...that's the way I found to resolve and return to the "real" world.

v/r

Mike

Majormarginal
04-19-2009, 06:58 AM
I do not believe you have anything to apologize for.

MikeF
04-23-2009, 04:09 AM
Keep this in mind as you consider your thoughts...I wrote about it in SWJ in "Love and Hate."

1st Lt. Kevin J. Gaspers 26 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Staff Sgt. Kenneth E. Locker Jr. 28 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Staff Sgt. William C. Moore 27 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Sgt. Randell T. Marshall 22 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Sgt. Brice A. Pearson 32 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Sgt. Michael L. Vaughan 20 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Spc. Jerry R. King 19 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Spc. Michael J. Rodriguez 20 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Pfc. Garrett C. Knoll 23 23 April 2007 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry, 3rd BCT, 82nd Airborne Division, TF Lightning Died as a result of injuries sustained from an explosion when a suicide VBIED attacked a patrol base in Diyala Province / Died in As Sadah, Iraq

Persistent Presence

Not in my town claims the mayor as the hamlet burns in anarchy
Self-denial self-inflicted in meaningless promises turned towards lethargy
Obscuring transgressions against the village
Established men descend to pillage
The circle of control diminishes as grievances expand
Sparking great controversy across the land
Armageddon is here; the sky falls down
Nothing has changed; No evolution of man
Neither rich nor poor shortchanged from suffering
Some days I grieve it all for nothing
I cannot fix what always has been,
Therefore, I must transcend.
No longer am I angry.
I return refocused.

23 April 2007

No sleep after dinner with al Qaeda
All warning for naught
In love and hate
Sometimes we have to bring the hate
in hope of better days
Men bleed, heartache sores
Paratroopers persist
In ever knowing presence
In evervesance
Volunteer twice, no hope of virtue
Sadness persist
As we bury the dead
Hope forlorn, but not lost
Ever more we persist.
Strive brothers strive
for better days
And our children LIVE
Some things best left unsaid
Strive paratrooper strive
Pack up your things
and patrol once again

It is what it is....

let drops of mourning fall
for loved one's lost
and be not ashamed
tears were meant to be wept

v/r

Mike

goesh
04-23-2009, 01:24 PM
When units come and go together, it helps with the PTSD. I think cohesion and moral support stays intact and greatly facilitates integration back into civilization. In Nam, we rotated in individually though in the early years, divisions/brigades etc entered as whole units. We left individually and psychologically alone. when I got on the freedom bird home, I didn't know a man on the plane. We were all about 14 hours from civilization thinking life would be so great and wonderful once out Viet Nam. We had visions of hamburgers, cold beer and round-eyed women - we had lost all contact with civilization and were going home. The guy I sat beside told me he was being dishcharged and would be a civilian the next day. when the plane took off, he got a blanket, covered his head and sat and talked to himself all the way to Okinawa. Nobody had a clue what was really coming back to the States from Nam. The fact that a fallen comrade who wasn't KIA in Iraq or Afghanistan can be eulogized, honored and remembered and the word spread, says a great deal about not only his unit but the whole approach the military takes towards PTSD these days.

Steve Blair
04-23-2009, 02:23 PM
When units come and go together, it helps with the PTSD. I think cohesion and moral support stays intact and greatly facilitates integration back into civilization. In Nam, we rotated in individually though in the early years, divisions/brigades etc entered as whole units. We left individually and psychologically alone. when I got on the freedom bird home, I didn't know a man on the plane. We were all about 14 hours from civilization thinking life would be so great and wonderful once out Viet Nam. We had visions of hamburgers, cold beer and round-eyed women - we had lost all contact with civilization and were going home. The guy I sat beside told me he was being dishcharged and would be a civilian the next day. when the plane took off, he got a blanket, covered his head and sat and talked to himself all the way to Okinawa. Nobody had a clue what was really coming back to the States from Nam. The fact that a fallen comrade who wasn't KIA in Iraq or Afghanistan can be eulogized, honored and remembered and the word spread, says a great deal about not only his unit but the whole approach the military takes towards PTSD these days.

This has been something that's been lurking in the back of many minds for some time, Goesh. There was a fair amount of discussion that the extended voyages home on troopships after WW2 actually allowed the vets on board to decompress and work some things out with others who'd been through the same things. Actually, I'd say that we've seen a PTSD-type situation that is similar to Iraq and Afghanistan before...but it's hard to document due to the elapsed time. It's always been one of my personal theories that many of the waves of western expansion in the US were fueled by folks who had a hard time adjusting after the Civil War and simply "moved on" in the literal sense. A large number of men were demobilized very quickly after that conflict (state volunteer units) and depending on location not all of them had time to "decompress" with others. Also I think the fact that units were so geographically-based would have made losses harder to bear for some of them. It's always been a matter of interest that so many of the "gunslinging lawmen and outlaws" of the post-Civil War period were former military men from the war.

MikeF
04-23-2009, 02:40 PM
This has been something that's been lurking in the back of many minds for some time, Goesh. There was a fair amount of discussion that the extended voyages home on troopships after WW2 actually allowed the vets on board to decompress and work some things out with others who'd been through the same things. Actually, I'd say that we've seen a PTSD-type situation that is similar to Iraq and Afghanistan before...but it's hard to document due to the elapsed time. It's always been one of my personal theories that many of the waves of western expansion in the US were fueled by folks who had a hard time adjusting after the Civil War and simply "moved on" in the literal sense. A large number of men were demobilized very quickly after that conflict (state volunteer units) and depending on location not all of them had time to "decompress" with others. Also I think the fact that units were so geographically-based would have made losses harder to bear for some of them. It's always been a matter of interest that so many of the "gunslinging lawmen and outlaws" of the post-Civil War period were former military men from the war.


I've had some long discussions about this subject with veterans from different wars. In this case, I left Iraq early to attend school. It left me unnerved as I said goodbye to my brothers abrubtly.

Today, I remember a little. Tommorow, I live a little. Sometimes we have to remember even though we'd rather forget.

Another important topic to discuss is Vietnam today. They coped and eventually thrived. Why? And will Iraq do that in 30 years?

v/r

Mike

goesh
04-23-2009, 04:19 PM
All the old WW2 Vets I have known remained plagued with nightmares over the years. This is anecdotal but they were all well adjusted from any number of perspectives - they had no trouble with the law, were economically solvent, steadily employed, family men, no psychiatric history, etc. They did decompress aboard ship, remembering and sharing and dreaming and planning as a unit but they returned to a society that regarded them as Veterans of a just war, one of dire necessity. Shell shock was an accepted condition for many of them and bore no heavy stigma. They had done nothing wrong in a time of urgency and national survival. I don't think we will ever have an answer for any of this when we compare wars and Vets of those wars.

For one thing, we have had but one 'good war' since WW2 - the Gulf War. Secondly, the pioneers who started honestly addressing PTSD unintentionally opened the door for all kinds of people to fall under the umbrella of PTSD. There are people running around who survived a tornado sporting a diagnosis of PTSD for heaven's sake. The sacrifice of our warriors has been culturally deluded. Get bit by a damn dog and in some circles, you have PTSD.

IMO, Afghanistan is going to be the forgotten war just like Korea was and is. I think the jury is still out on Iraq. The criticism of the war has had the caveat that the troops are good guys in a bad war. How this translates psychologically at the interpersonal level amongst Iraqi combat Vets remains to be seen I think. They may in the wee hours of the night in the privacy of their minds regard themselves as mere survivors but I hope not. Our Armed Forces are at least aware of PTSD and attempting to address it. We have that much anyway in our favor.

MikeF
04-23-2009, 06:36 PM
There are people i think of and people I often see, but with most of them, my life would not be worse if they were not around....

I am blessed; however, with knowing some who affect my life in such a way a hole is left when they are gone.

Welcome to SWJ:D

v/r

Mike

Backwards Observer
05-09-2009, 06:41 AM
BASRA, IRAQ - At Al Rasheed radio, poet Khalid al-Mayahi leans into the microphone and pours out his heart to the city, using words that could have gotten him killed before Iraqi forces took back Basra last year from Shiite extremists.

'Stability lets Basra, a city of poets, return to its roots.', at The Christian Science Monitor.

http://www.csmonitor.com/2009/0508/p06s01-wome.html

MikeF
06-05-2009, 12:30 PM
Sir/Ma'am,

For a moment, I ask you to listen...

Unfortunately, some of you will never understand what I consider...Mostly Airforce and Navy, just delete this email now so you don't get ever burdened lest you get angry by my words....Since you invite me into your office and wave at me in the halls, I felt obliged to add you onto my distro. Your choice to continue.

This is a message that is a long time coming as I tried to reconcile and consider you picturing me in a cardigan sweater and smoking a corn pipe- sorry, not gonna happen... Instead, I've resolved to drive on in the regular Army. I realize this is a shock to many of you, but you must read this email. I can only express my deepest gratitude for the support that you have given me even in my darkest days that I slowly climb out and refuse to succomb...thank you- there are young soldiers I must lead.

At a point, so near and precise, the turning of the gyre was so specific that the falcon could not hear the falconer....Those days passed in a moment of bliss in the heartbeat of the information age that one cannot constrain or confuse between black, white, gray, here, and now...We just move in endless confusion....

These days we must consider stuck inside this prison hoping nothing explodes....McCormick provides some semblance of theory if one would but yet to listen....

Most of you will never comprehend the constraints of combat command particularly significant combat...Some of you do- and you compress and cope with the help of your wives and family...Most do not....You will never understand the prison within my head that I must resolve, and I will. You simply wish to dissect and ridicule my limitations and constraints....I am but man. I strive to be the best leader that I can...In some ways, Monterey became my version of Ranger school....I am forced to reconcile within my head the best I can. Sometimes I get it right; sometimes I get it wrong. Thank goodness for the compassion of defensae analysis that refused to write me off for a broken sort.

I've dealt with a medical community that is mediocre-infected by a virus of static indecision coupled with years of not understanding or neglecting the warfighter. I asked for help and most refused to think outside their conceptual blocks refusing to consider the similarties between thyroid, PTSD, and mTBI....So, I will resolve myself lest I spend the rest of my days in some prescription cocktail. None of what I say is conjecture if you choose to listen.

Don't be fooled to consider that I cannot resolve on my own.....

I thought Zaganiyah was my Thermoplyae. During the Surge, I gave up my hopes of long days in the hope that I would lead men into the breach. I commanded as best as I could. For a moment, I provoked the wisdom of Solomon. I thought the next step was to visit Saint Peter at the gates...It did not happen.

For many moons, I could not discern why I lived. The struggle was hard to determine some purpose. Every day, I awoke wandering why I was alive....Under the table and dreaming I suppose of visions of SFA, FID, an IW....

I moved to Monterey. Tom Ricks quoted my essays. Steven Pressfield sent me autographed copies of his works declaring me the next generation of 300. My wife left...We buried many a man. Every night, I try to resolve.

Everyday, I arise, and I try to discern some purpose....The only purpose is to serve.

The math is so simple even though most will disagree...back into the breach once again, my dear friend....I must rejoin the phalanx. My story is but not yet complete. I've but yet to begin....

Maybe I lost it for a moment, but I've regained it...My mind that is....that is why I write to you now my friend...Most of you read this in terms of dribble wondering why I cannot simply conform or reform to the necessary predesposed orders of you so-called military discipline and rank and order...Others realize I'm walking in step as best as I can in perfert harmony and discourse.

I choose to remain in the Army. I choose to serve.

I'm tired of the self-serving, narcissistic dreaming of reconsidering everyday since birth....It's time to head back to the phalanx and serve once again in the breach.

The nation needs leaders like me at this point. I will finish grad school in December, then head out to the needs of the Army.

As for y'all that are tired of my voice...no worries...You'll soon be comfortable in your homes again as I deploy to Pakistan, Afghanistan, or Iraq.

Sleep well tonight those who judge...Be ye remembered you are protected by tough, hard men that you would never consider.

Best,

Major Mike Few

goesh
06-05-2009, 01:59 PM
You remind me of the Cheyene Dog Soldiers. If you were Indian, you would be carrying more than one eagle feather to where you next deploy.

MikeF
06-05-2009, 02:06 PM
Once again my friend
I enter the breach of no end
will you join
or remain forlorn

amused by your IPod?
Distractions bemuse your content
too busy
to worry about such trifle subjects as war

As I step forth once again
to protect you
my friend
Evermore

Amoung my friends
we fight
laughing
No worries of night

Darkness creeps
to no end
My brother next to me
his shield will never bend

You will never know
how we bleed
In love of duty
honor, and country

This verse will ne'er end
as long as I can still see my friend
hope
will ne'er be forlorn

SSG Timothy Cole
today we remember
lest we forget
and lose our resolve

Today, I say my goodbyes
Today, I kiss my daughter's cheek
and step once more
into the breach

Many days from now
I'm sure
I'll be back amoung your graces
with you I won't pretend

Ever more
I will soldier once again
no more discourse
only resolve

Only volunteers need apply
I'll be leaving soon

Steve Blair
06-05-2009, 02:35 PM
You remind me of the Cheyene Dog Soldiers. If you were Indian, you would be carrying more than one eagle feather to where you next deploy.

But balance is the key. Always balance.

Ken White
06-05-2009, 03:36 PM
All the Way, Mike.

MikeF
06-07-2009, 12:29 PM
All the Way, Mike.

Airborne, Ken.

Balance is relative. Upon graduation, I'll deploy on my fifth deployment in under ten years. I expect the next ten years to remain on the same pace.

That is the reality of the long war.

v/r

Mike

MikeF
06-09-2009, 09:53 AM
Waiting like a siphoning angel
No one knows they cannot be sure
Gorging in the pit
Suffering evermore

Who will step aside
who will volunteer
In these times of gluttony
Armagedon not today

But
You live in fear
Ne'er knowing what comes tomorrow
Some men bring

Some men volunteer
To no aim you jeer
Better men than you
I hope to lead again

I am just man
I am just nobody
Selected ne'er rejected
my peers wonder why I stay in

Rejecting profit
in the hopes
my citizens awake
and arise to the suffering

I walk again
Ne'er to shy away
God's will
We must all obey

a few men bring
300 the number rings
the history
you will ne'er comprehend

We walk again
into the breach
concerned only
for our daughter's future

MikeF
06-09-2009, 09:53 AM
Before I walk again, you can at least but read my words.....

You concern yourself
Wandering when I’ll break
Wondering when the time will come
I passed the moment moons ago

I laugh
At your indiscretion
I died long ago
Along the roads of Diyala

Now I live
Striving for purpose
Ne’er concerned
With you prerogative

I fight
Struggling to win
as haphazard
As that may seem

Still
My boys walk with me
In hopes and dreams
Of settling your Long War

I volunteered
You started this
Now
I will find some resolve

You walk aimlessly
In your ignorance
Regardless
I will protect you

Ken White
06-21-2009, 12:52 AM
Moderator's Note

This thread's original title was 'Interesting PTSD related Article', which no longer reflects the contents and so changed to 'Military service, PTSD, stress and suicide' (ends).


Frankly, it tracks with my observation over the years. People are different.

LINK. (http://www.forbes.com/feeds/hscout/2009/06/19/hscout628249.html)

reed11b
06-21-2009, 09:42 PM
I have some of the same concerns with "exposure therapy". Agree with Ken also, no one size fits all.
Reed

MikeF
06-25-2009, 01:58 PM
So true...

I grieve that neither grief nor fear will teach me nothing.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson, On Nature

v/r

Mike

Steve Blair
06-25-2009, 02:04 PM
I think this kind of touches on one of the reasons why we have so much trouble dealing with PTSD: Americans have been conditioned to want ONE therapy or ONE pill to fix everything (sort of an extension of Tolkein's "one ring to rule them all" theory). And now we're dealing with something that is a very individual experience with very individual responses. There is no one magic way, and the sooner our various institutions and personalities involved come to grips with that, the better off we'll all be.

Boondoggle
06-26-2009, 05:48 PM
I think this kind of touches on one of the reasons why we have so much trouble dealing with PTSD: Americans have been conditioned to want ONE therapy or ONE pill to fix everything (sort of an extension of Tolkein's "one ring to rule them all" theory). And now we're dealing with something that is a very individual experience with very individual responses. There is no one magic way, and the sooner our various institutions and personalities involved come to grips with that, the better off we'll all be.

http://www.nationaljournal.com/njmagazine/print_friendly.php?ID=nj_20081122_7953

http://www.nationaljournal.com/njmagazine/nj_20081122_4027.php

http://www.camplejeuneglobe.com/articles/2007/09/19/sports/base/onbase03.txt

http://hosted.mediasite.com/hosted5/Viewer/?peid=515ec6b338144a349ed8d5e965e0cc06

Steve Blair
06-26-2009, 05:54 PM
Thanks! Great links!

In a shorter vein, BBC had an interesting piece on this sort of thing here (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8114145.stm).

reed11b
06-29-2009, 08:06 PM
Ironically, the US military has been hammered in the press for attempting this holistic approach to work w/ PTSD. It has been sold as a waste of money and resources that would be better spent on focusing on "what works". I disagree with this assessment, often violently. If we completely understood the mechanisms of PTSD, perhaps this would be true, realistically we have theories, but not concrete knowledge. Many of these "alternative" therapies have produced results.
Reed

Boondoggle
06-30-2009, 12:52 PM
Ironically, the US military has been hammered in the press for attempting this holistic approach to work w/ PTSD. It has been sold as a waste of money and resources that would be better spent on focusing on "what works". I disagree with this assessment, often violently. If we completely understood the mechanisms of PTSD, perhaps this would be true, realistically we have theories, but not concrete knowledge. Many of these "alternative" therapies have produced results.
Reed


That's interesting. From what I've been able to see, it's been mostly positive and instead of negative reactions, those who aren't so sure act more with bemusement. Here's another article along those lines. I also know one of the major Army installations in Texas, Can't remember if it is Hood or Bliss, has embraced this through their programs.

http://www.usmedicine.com/article.cfm?articleID=1820&issueID=118

marct
06-30-2009, 03:08 PM
Hi Boondoggle,

Very interesting article! Mixed martial arts, yoga and meditation? Really good combination to my mind.

Boondoggle
07-01-2009, 02:54 PM
Dr. Tyrrell,

Another organization that is reaching out to the Army and Marine Corps with upcoming training you may find interesting: http://www.artreachfoundation.org/

They are hosting a "train the trainers" 4 day event this month, including that audience.

marct
07-01-2009, 03:53 PM
Hi Boondoggle.


Another organization that is reaching out to the Army and Marine Corps with upcoming training you may find interesting: http://www.artreachfoundation.org/

They are hosting a "train the trainers" 4 day event this month, including that audience.

Definitely interesting! Are you going on that event?

Cheers,

Marc

AmericanPride
10-17-2009, 03:33 PM
FT Campbell had another safety stand-down last week because seven soldiers have been killed in accidents (don't know if any were suicides) since the start of the fiscal year. Earlier this year, the post shut down training for a week because of the high number of suicides.

Are these trends unique to Ft Campbell/101st? Or is it the tip of the spear for underlying Army-wide problems? Why are American soldiers dying by suicide and recklessness at rates at times higher than those killed in action? What can junior leaders do to mitigate these problems in their units?

Schmedlap
10-17-2009, 05:37 PM
When Soldiers return from a deployment, they have lots of money. They have been getting paid tax-free, had far fewer living expenses, and now they've got 12 months of drinking to catch up on.

They will inevitably feel the need to buy cars, clothes, and bikes. They realize how far behind they are in their drinking and will attempt to catch up in order to bridge the 12-month lag. The women in the area know that 20,000 young men with fat wallets are back in town and looking to party.

I don't know any way to get around this without assigning a member of the clergy to shadow each individual Soldier for their first 6 months home. They're young, they're back from 12 months of combat, they've got more money than they're accustomed to, and the entire local area (the women, the car dealers, the club owners, the bars, etc) are all awaiting their return.

Ken White
10-17-2009, 06:06 PM
Are these trends unique to Ft Campbell/101st? Or is it the tip of the spear for underlying Army-wide problems? Why are American soldiers dying by suicide and recklessness at rates at times higher than those killed in action? What can junior leaders do to mitigate these problems in their units?both the Korean and Viet Nam wars. As Schmedlap says, sort of goes with the job. I doubt much can be done without a significant improvement in the US K-12 educational system and / or better parenting, both of which are unlikely. All you can do is try to educate without hectoring or being condescending -- that'll just make 'em push harder.

Part of the problem is that we treat them like children so they act that way. Instead of punishing miscreants, we punish all by restrictive and corrosive measures so they get their petty revenge by doing dumb stuff. I suspect the Legions had the same problem with they younger troops -- but a 25 year enlistment probably kept some of that down...:wry:

MikeF
10-17-2009, 06:28 PM
Just one comment to add to Schmedlap and Ken's wisdom.

A good leader has a feel for his boys. If you notice someone is "off," then you should engage him in an appropriate way particularly if an outgoing soldier has withdrawn.

This does not mean you lecture. Often, you might just need to listen. He may simply need to get something off his chest- problems at home, nightmares from a bad time in combat, whatever.

Part of that is just knowing your people.

v/r

Mike

Abu Suleyman
10-17-2009, 07:48 PM
I doubt much can be done without a significant improvement in the US K-12 educational system and / or better parenting, both of which are unlikely.

Wait, are you saying that our military is made up of people, just like the rest of society?:eek: And here all this time I thought the flaws in the military were a product of the fact that only the deranged and mentally incompetent got duped into joining.:rolleyes:

Schmedlap
10-17-2009, 08:52 PM
And here all this time I thought the flaws in the military were a product of the fact that only the deranged and mentally incompetent got duped into joining.:rolleyes:

That's one way to put it, but the more accurate description is that they are downtrodden serfs who had no other options in life. Furthermore, they are mentally fragile and the inherent immorality of the war (made so by it being sold with lies in order to enrich oil men) caused these mentally fragile victims to do things like suffer PTSD and commit suicide in droves - almost at a rate as high as suicide rates in other developed countries. Had they not been born to poor families with low IQs, they would have gone to an Ivy League school and gotten a REAL job, selling mortgage backed securities.

Ken White
10-18-2009, 12:55 AM
What is this 'real job' stuff -- not I, not I... :D

MikeF
10-18-2009, 01:11 AM
Schmedlap,

I've gone through the effects of PTSD and TBI. I've been very open about the horrors and the crazyness in SWJ as an example...I don't like the categorization and labeling of the psychologists, but at the same time, don't minimalize something you haven't experienced. It sucks.

It doesn't make you a victim; it's just something to deal with.

For what it's worth.

v/r

Mike

Schmedlap
10-18-2009, 02:32 AM
Mike,

I was simply highlighting that many assert that PTSD and suicides are not natural injuries resulting from combat, but rather that they are directly attributable to George Bush and Dick Cheney and that poorly educated individuals are portrayed as more vulnerable (and, of course, all of us who joined the Army are poorly educted).

Sorry if my sarcasm wasn't obvious. Probably a good reminder that I should refrain from trying.:o

MikeF
10-18-2009, 03:13 AM
Mike,

I was simply highlighting that many assert that PTSD and suicides are not natural injuries resulting from combat, but rather that they are directly attributable to George Bush and Dick Cheney and that poorly educated individuals are portrayed as more vulnerable (and, of course, all of us who joined the Army are poorly educted).

Sorry if my sarcasm wasn't obvious. Probably a good reminder that I should refrain from trying.:o

and no offense taking...Three years ago, I would have probably replied the same way you did- until I went through it. To say it sucked is an understatement- I went through a period where my life was torn apart, and I thought I'd gone crazy. B/c of my rank and experience, I chose to be public about it to help others. In truth, I'm actually harsher on the subject than you are with those that fake or use it as a crutch. The mental health of the boys (as well as our own national defense) should be apolitical.

I'm working on an article right now for Newsweek to try and explain PTSD from my vantage point. Hopefully, it'll be published. I'll keep y'all informed.

In the end, it's just part of life...sometimes, you just have to take a knee, pull out your map and compass to regain your direction, drink some water, and drive on....it's that simple.

v/r

Mike

MikeF
10-18-2009, 06:53 PM
MG (ret) Bob Scales gave a Vietnam Veteran appreciation speech (http://www.12thcav.us/Speech_MG%20Scales_091209.htm) at the Truman Library. Some wise words that I wanted to pass along. H/T to Craig Mullaney.


Let me give you the bottom line up front: I’m proud I served in Vietnam. Like you I didn’t kill innocents, I killed the enemy; I didn’t fight for big oil or for some lame conspiracy I fought for a country I believed in and for the buddies who kept me alive. Like you I was troubled that, unlike my father, I didn’t come back to a grateful nation. It took a generation and another war, Desert Storm, for the nation to come back to me.

Also like you I remember the war being 99 percent boredom and one percent pure abject terror. But not all my memories of Vietnam are terrible. There were times when I enjoyed my service in combat. Such sentiment must seem strange to a society today that has, thanks to our superb volunteer military, been completely insulated from war. If they thought about Vietnam at all our fellow citizens would imagine that fifty years would have been sufficient to erase this unpleasant war from our conscientiousness. Looking over this assembly it’s obvious that the memory lingers, and those of us who fought in that war remember.

The question is why? If this war was so terrible why are we here? It’s my privilege today to try to answer that question not only for you, brother veterans, but maybe for a wider audience for whom, fifty years on, Vietnam is as strangely distant as World War One was to our generation.

Vietnam is seared in our memory for the same reason that wars have lingered in the minds of soldiers for as long as wars have been fought. From Marathon to Mosul young men and now women have marched off to war to learn that the cold fear of violent death and the prospects of killing another human being heighten the senses and sear these experiences deeply and irrevocably into our souls and linger in the back recesses of our minds.

As I've had the opportunity to talk with many wounded veterans from different wars over the past year, I'm constantly struck that those that suffered through PTSD, TBI, or a physical injury are not victims. Most found ways to prosper and go on to achieve great things after their war. MG Scales is much more eloquent about this phenomena calling it Post Traumatic Growth.

v/r

Mike

Michael C
10-18-2009, 10:46 PM
MikeF, it is needed for officers to explain their situation so the problem becomes real and not one just for psychologists.

As to this issue in its entirety, I blame the high op tempo when soldiers return. I know, deployment is bad, but when your battalion/brigade returns stateside and every single officer and senior NCO is replaced, then suddenly you are back to non-stop training. The higher officers all stress that they want to bring home every one, but in the mean time they drive wedges between families and the health of their men by going to the field for a week or two at a time, even when you are three months removed from combat.

82redleg
10-18-2009, 11:23 PM
Mike,

Have you read "Stolen Valor" by Burkett (sp?)?

He posits that anti-war people have co-opted PTSD to paint vets as victims and created a cottage industry of resourcing the VA, to the extent that the VA has paid benefits for "Vietnam PTSD" to thousands of frauds- from true veterans who never served in Vietnam to people who never even served in the military at all.

I believe that PTSD exists, but I think it is exagerated (by the "professional caregivers" with an agenda) and that with the proper support group (which must be composed of veterans) MOST people will overcome their trauma, as you appear to be working through.

ATW, ABN!!!!

OfTheTroops
10-18-2009, 11:29 PM
The Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program plants lot of flags on resiliency and growing from traumatic events. http://www.army.mil/csf/

Hacksaw
10-19-2009, 02:34 PM
both the Korean and Viet Nam wars. As Schmedlap says, Part of the problem is that we treat them like children so they act that way. Instead of punishing miscreants, we punish all by restrictive and corrosive measures so they get their petty revenge by doing dumb stuff. ...:wry:

Struck a chord Ken... Long ago in a battery far away... I used that approach...

Soldiers deserve to be treated (rewarded/disciplined) as men and women - Since we are all human, second chances are appropriate for offenses that don't warrant immediate dismissal... a third strike was not a given... of course we could administratively remove under-performing soldiers back then... point being... my Soldiers had the lowest DWI and serious incident rate in the Corps... when asked for our unit's "secret" and I explained why... The senior leaders were usually dissatisfied with the response.

Now I caveat.... I had to deal with long deployments with tax free dollars, but not the mental aftermath of close combat stress...

OfTheTroops
10-20-2009, 03:34 AM
Are these trends unique to Ft Campbell/101st? Or is it the tip of the spear for underlying Army-wide problems?

Well the army has been walking down the High-risk behavior and suicide prevention. I have seen a lot of attention in that direction as it is a serious issue but I don't know how much we have improved at preventing these tragedies but God knows we try.

Number one rule is the guy that takes care of me is to my left and my right and i take care of them but sometimes it just ain't enough.

Brian Hanley
10-22-2009, 07:32 PM
My personal view on PTSD (which includes having symptoms for years) is that it is an adaptation. Consider what the result is:

Ehanced startle reflex and instant capacity for violence (i.e. rapid response capacity)
Hyper-alertness (i.e. situational awareness)
Light sleep and disrupted sleep patterns (i.e. less easy to creep up on while asleep.)
Tendency to be unpredictable and make sudden changes of plan. (i.e. less predictable.)

All of those characteristics are survival adaptations when a person is hunted or at risk.

Those adaptations can be problematic when one returns to "normal society", and they can be very problematic if the person thinks there is something seriously wrong with them. The adaptation comes out when needed, for some it is harder to put away than for others.

My experience was that starting about 4 or 5 months after coming home for good, I began to have issues. My unconscious was in overdrive trying to find the threats so I could avoid them. But since I couldn't find any, that mechanism just kept amping up more. I suspect quite a few people start drinking or doing pot or whatever to calm down, but that just makes it worse.

What I recommend to people I talk to is first, do a few things to keep cool. Instead of fighting the impulse to lock down, go ahead if you have to. Skip the firearms unless you are in a real bad area, but keep some minor thing like a heavy flashlight on hand if it helps you sleep. Most of all, focus on reality testing and staying social. Don't withdraw, get out and do something. Doesn't have to be a lot of talk-talk unless a guy wants it. I never found talk "about it" helpful myself. But getting out cycling, or hiking, or doing some project together is. It can be very surreal being out there with "regular folks" for a while though. I've had that feeling for days sometimes like I'm walking around in someone else's life, almost a dream I'm having. The unconscious is like a 2 year old toddler inside, not terribly smart, and has to be shown or told clearly what is going on, that things are ok. It will work to say or do it, but it can take time. It takes time and work to bring out the PTSD adaptations when they are needed. It takes time and work to mellow later.

Aside from that, yeah, it's a change and you won't ever be the same again. That's just how it is. Things mellow out with time, and there are good things with the bad. For instance, I prevented a woman getting kidnapped around here because seeing that swift economy of motion of an experienced attacker set me off - bang.

So yes, it's real. Someone finding themselves revving up when society around them says they should be relaxed and out of the storm is, I think, much of the problem. Relax and understand this too will pass.

Ken White
10-22-2009, 08:51 PM
and I can identify with all of it. :cool:

reed11b
10-22-2009, 09:33 PM
I have a lot to say on this, but currently lack the skills to say it well. Good points all, I don't agree 100% across the board, but I will say that the Vet Centers have a policy of not diagnosing for a reason(we assess only). Also keep in mind that what many here have described is either traumatic readjustment (Most of us go through this) or "simple" PTSD. There are also individuals that have had multiple exposures to trauma from an early age (complex PTSD) that may be compounded by military trauma or that show no readjustment symptoms, but show symptoms years later (delayed onset PTSD). Both complex and delayed on-set PTSD are far more difficult to treat and tend to have more severe consequences on the individuals ability to adapt. For those out there helping there brothers or working on readjustment themselves, my heart goes out to you.
Reed

AlifBaa
10-24-2009, 01:05 PM
Brian is on point with his recommendation that we teach guys to 'lean into' symptoms of PTSD. It is a mistake to treat it as a mental disorder, or to encourage disculpability for one's actions. Strength pulls people through this kind of thing. Taking ownership of one's thoughts and actions is appropriate. Painting warriors as victims is not.

Or am I wide of the mark, and just describing what works for me?

Red Rat
10-25-2009, 07:00 PM
We now think that we will have an issue - how big it is we do not yet know.

We know that boys coming back from a demanding op tour with money in their pocket want to drive fast, drink lots and have a good time; it was ever thus. We have a major campaign on at the moment to remind soldiers that while they may have survived the tour, they are not invincible and that fast cars and alcohol kill, especially when combined.

In terms of PTSD we know it will be an issue but how big we do not know. We have seen a huge rise in referrals of WW2 and Korea veterans for Mental Health issues. Anecdotally I would say it is because warfare affects all people but that previously a stoic attitude of 'suck it up' applied for those who had real issues. Now there is a recogntion that not all injuries are physical but that all injuries are treatable and do not have to be suffered ad infinitum. Accordingly more veterans are coming forward for help.

What this means for the modern day service personnel is that we think that what we see now in termsof PTSD and psychological truama may be the tip of what we will see 10-20 years downline. Of great concern is the following which was reported extensively in the UK in August of this year:


A report by probation officers' trade union NAPO found that more than nine per cent of the country's prisoners were former armed forces personnel, often suffering from post-traumatic stress.

Initial data suggested as many as 8,500 members of the UK's 93,574-strong prison population were ex-servicemen, and it is thought the number could be even higher.

Many ex-servicemen in jail show evidence of untreated post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
A Home Office survey found in 2004 that only about five per cent of prisoners being released from jails were ex-servicemen. Many were jailed for violent offences.

NAPO cited excess alcohol or drug taking as a common factor leading to former soldiers committing a violent offence and being sent to prison.

In the vast majority of the 70-plus case studies it collected, the ex-serviceman had served in either the Gulf or Afghanistan and was showing evidence of untreated post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). One 23-year-old soldier referred to in the report described the difficulty of readjusting to civilian life after witnessing the horrors of the frontline. The soldier, who previously served with the Parachute Regiment on two tours in active war zones, has received five custodial sentences since leaving the military in late 2005.

He said he found it hard to 'reconcile the devastation, horror and distress of the war zone, with the comfortable life' he found himself and others taking for granted.

He self-medicated over a number of years using alcohol, became aggressive towards partners and others, and is currently serving four months for assault.

NAPO suggested there may be a lack of relevant stress counselling either on site or the point of discharge.

Does any country collate statistics on whether veterans are more or less likely to end up in gaol?

Ken White
10-25-2009, 08:28 PM
Someone may know and beat me to it. In the interim, I'd posit a thought.

The kind of person, male or female that enlists in the combat arms or for a potential combat assignment in any service is almost certainly into accepting more risk than are most people. Those who indulge in risky behavior tend to err more frequently than do the Turtles of the world (who rarely get anywhere because they're afraid to stick their necks out... :rolleyes:).

I would be surprised if veterans were not over represented in prisons or homeless shelters among other places. I know PTSD exists and I also know people handle it in different ways -- I also know that some will uh, enhance, their 'symptoms' for various reasons and I know that prisoners will look for any angle that gives them a break, no matter how slight. :cool:

And no, Slap, I will not tell you how I know that last... :D

Concern for the welfare of the troops is necessary and good but I hope we don't go too far in trying to stifle risky behavior -- Armies would get bogged down without that. Oh, wait...

MikeF
10-25-2009, 09:23 PM
I'm going to double-post this image b/c it's important. SPECT scans are allowing us to understand the impact a bit more...

Here's the latest research. I've seen better images, but this is the best that I could find on google.

http://www.clementsclinic.com/anxiety-disorders/brain-spect-scans

v/r

Mike

MikeF
10-25-2009, 09:25 PM
Particularly from Brian Hanley. Here's some additional quantitative data that better decribes it...

I'm going to double-post this image b/c it's important. SPECT scans are allowing us to understand the impact a bit more...

Here's the latest research. I've seen better images, but this is the best that I could find on google.

http://www.clementsclinic.com/anxiet...in-spect-scans

v/r

Mike

jmm99
11-30-2009, 08:13 PM
So far as I know, this is the first PTSD case decided by SCOTUS. Analysis by Lyle Denniston at SCOTUSblog (http://www.scotusblog.com/wp/post-combat-stress-as-a-defense/):


Post-combat stress as a defense
Monday, November 30th, 2009 1:14 pm | Lyle Denniston

The Supreme Court, in a sign of the times for a nation at war on two fronts, on Monday put defense lawyers on notice that they should be prepared to use evidence of “post-traumatic stress disorder” to try to save accused veterans from the death penalty. Ruling without full briefing or a hearing, and with no dissent noted, the Court apparently overturned the death sentence of a Florida veteran whose “combat service unfortunately left him a traumatized, changed man,” as the Court put it in Porter v. McCollum (08-10537), involving Korean war veteran George Porter, Jr.


“Our Nation has a long tradition of according leniency to veterans in recognition of their service, especially for those who fought on the front lines as Porter did,” the opinion said. “The relevance of Porter’s extensive combat experience is not only that he served honorably under extreme hardship and gruesome conditions, but also that the jury might find mitigating the intense stress and mental and emotional toll that combat took on Porter.”

Because the case turned mainly on the specific facts of the prosecution and defense of Porter for murdering his former girlfriend and her boyfriend, it is not clear that the ruling will have a direct impact on other criminal cases in which combat stress might be a key factor. However, parts of the Court’s opinion read as if the Justices did intend to speak more broadly.....

Please note the 16 page opinion (here (http://www.supremecourtus.gov/opinions/09pdf/08-10537.pdf)) is a Per Curium (all Justices agreeing). It raises no novel legal issues; and the guilty verdict stays in place. The trial will address solely the sentence (death or not), with the jury hearing the PTSD evidence.

So, discuss freely, if you are so inclined.

Boondoggle
12-02-2009, 03:38 AM
I wonder if this will open the dam. I can foresee 2 issues at first glance.

1. The military justice system. If this grows in favor, and finds application beyond just death sentences, military courts are going to be confronted not just with mental state of these troops, but in what for a good many, might have been excacerbated by poor treatment or even outright hostility from the command. There will be commands who will fight this and there will be some courts that might struggle with that issue.

2. How are civilian courts going to handle these cases when some may not have a real connection to the military? As one example, it's probably not unlikely that at some point people will use this as a defense but their service won't justify it. Courts will need to have the ability to reach out and verify service details in order to justify its use in court, something that could be abused. Just relying on service records may not be enough.

jmm99
12-02-2009, 04:00 AM
Good thoughts and points.

The impact of this decision may be less than overwhelming. The key point is that the plea and evidence are allowed in mitigation of sentence, not mitigation of guilt. Since nearly everything is allowed in evidence when considering sentence (even in ordinary cases), I don't see the case as a huge change in the law.

Now, if they had said that PTSD would excuse guilt, that would have been a dambuster.

Regards

Mike

Schmedlap
12-02-2009, 04:03 AM
I suspect that if this is ever used at the trial court level to score a GBMI or NGRI decision that the voir dire proceedings will be ten times longer than the rest of the trial as the prosecutor attempts to prevent the defense expert witness from using the term PTSD, prevent the defense from mentioning prior military service, and prevent the expert from disclosing what events brought about the onset of the mental condition that the defense is asserting. Most juries will probably be very sympathetic toward combat veterans asserting PTSD.

jmm99
12-02-2009, 05:23 AM
This comment applies only to the guilt phase of the trial.

By using the PTSD argument in this phase, you might have to say that the PTSD caused him to do the act (in effect, admitting the crime).

So, you run the risk of doing to your client what Mike Tyson's lawyer did to him. Paraphrasing the argument as I recall it - His childhood and life were so traumatic it turned him into an animal, just an animal.

A jury might well symphathize with a vet, but it is not likely to symphathize with an animalistic murderer, rapist or home invader.

Now, PTSD might work in a case that has some other redeeming factors, such as Anatomy of a Murder where temporary loss of mental capacity was allowed as a defense (with PTSD claimed as a basis for that). Or, in the Astan HT case, where premeditated murder ended up as a manslaughter plea - and the judge gave a light sentence.

In most jurisdictions in non-death cases, the jury decides guilt and the judge sets sentence. So, the PTSD evidence would most likely be heard by the judge if not introduced in the guilt phase.

Situational awareness needed on the part of the lawyer - plus good luck of the draw as to judge and jury. :)

Boondoggle
12-02-2009, 01:26 PM
JMM pointed out a mistake I made, I should not have used the word "defense", but rather mitigation, a major distinction that JMM pointed out. However, there are already defenses available under mental health to defendants and if I recall, most states focus on the ability to distinguish right from wrong (I'm reaching here it's been awhile) but if these mitigating factors find favor in the courts, no doubt the next step will to see if they can winnow their way under mental health defenses and which JMM alludes to in his post above this.

Schmedlap
12-02-2009, 05:46 PM
This comment applies only to the guilt phase of the trial...

By using the PTSD argument in this phase...

I was getting at the argument phase. I realize this specific case only applies to sentencing, but it seems like it could be a bellweather for the PTSD issue in general to be more prevalent in all phases of trials. I think prosecutors, fearing that juries will be sympathetic to PTSD, will be trying like hell to prevent the defense expert testimony from uttering any phrase that would clue the jury in to the fact that the defendant is a veteran and served in combat. I suspect they will argue that the mere mention of "PTSD" will make the jury overly sympathetic and argue instead that the expert can only refer to a mental condition brought about by a prior (unnamed) traumatic experience.


... you might have to say that the PTSD caused him to do the act (in effect, admitting the crime).

I'm a little rusty on my criminal law, but isn't this the GBMI defense? It may be the ideal plea.


A jury might well symphathize with a vet, but it is not likely to symphathize with an animalistic murderer, rapist or home invader.

I don't know. I'm thinking of the trial for the Haditha Marines. One of the jurors was quoted as saying that he didn't think he had the right to question their actions in combat. That, to me, suggests that jurors are willing to ignore or reject facts if they simply have an aversion to seeing a veteran punished, possibly because they view him/her as a victim. Unforunately, many, many people do view our veterans as victims.


Now, PTSD might work in a case that has some other redeeming factors, such as Anatomy of a Murder where temporary loss of mental capacity was allowed as a defense (with PTSD claimed as a basis for that). Or, in the Astan HT case, where premeditated murder ended up as a manslaughter plea - and the judge gave a light sentence.

Again, rusty on my criminal law, but isn't that the NGBI defense? That might be an ideal plea.

jmm99
12-02-2009, 06:51 PM
Hell, you just took it - relative to this oldster.

GBMI Defense = Guilty but mentally ill

NGBI defense = Not Guilty by reason of insanity.

Huge difference to the client between these defenses.

1. GBMI Defense. There are two aspects to the sentence: (1) court ordered mental treatment; and (2) the punitive sentence. Logically, the mental treartment comes first; and that fits in with the usual intake system for felons given prison terms, a pre-incarceration psychologocal examination. BTW: if you have a client or are faced with a witness who has done prison time, obtain copies of his psychologiocal examinations. After the mental treatment ends, the prisoner is then sent off to prison to complete the punitive sentence.

2. NGBI defense. No sentence; but only court ordered mental treatment. Once that ends, the client is as free as a bird. And, if the mental capacity problem is transitory (occured only at the time of the alleged offense), the client walks free from the courtroom.

So, the default rule is not to plead to a GBMI; unless it's a dodge out of a death penalty case. In fact, if the defendant pleads a NGBI defense, I would be well advised as a prosecutor to request a GBMI instruction to give the jury an option to send the guy to prison (eventually).

The NGBI defense, in its pure form, has some hurdles - ability to distinguish right from wrong. Of course, if the vet actually suffers from delusions and thought he was being attacked by Viet Cong, NGBI would apply in full measure.

PTSD could also come up indirectly in other circumstances.

1. Where a temporary loss of mental capacity is allowed as a NGBI defense - as in Michigan (Anatomy of a Murder), where the LT was acquitted. However, based on jury interviews, the jury found that his wife had been raped and beaten by the deceased; and that the LT was justified to take his retribution and defend her honor. So, there the proofs of PTSD (which were introduced) were a hook on which the jury could hang its hat.

2. Where intent, deliberation, premeditation is an issue - as in the Astan HT case where the gal was torched by the bad guy who was then executed by her bodyguard. PTSD could be a valid argument vs formation of intent, deliberation, premeditation. In fact, a fair argument could be made under the right facts that the killing was involuntary manslaughter.

3. Where the defendant's perception is an issue - as in self-defense situations. E.g., the defendant viewed the deceased as a hostile threat (even if objectively he might be viewed otherwise) and reactions kicked in, etc.

---------------------------------
Haditha is a timely citation, but involved a combat situation (not PTSD from events decades ago). LtCol Jeffrey Chessani's Board of Inquiry convenes today, December 2, at Camp Pendleton (http://warchronicle.com/TheyAreNotKillers/DefendOurMarines.htm).

Polarbear1605 (http://council.smallwarsjournal.com/member.php?u=2680) knows more about Haditha in his little claw than I know. Of course, you know the story about him. It began "in the snows of far off Northern lands ...", where the Marines found him behind a log as an abandoned cub. They took him back to Quantico, raised him and then made him an officer and gentleman. Truly, an inspiring saga. :)

Cheers

Mike

Polarbear1605
12-03-2009, 04:30 PM
Ah Yes, Haditha! A bit surprised that it popped up in this discussion but probably a good example of how bad the government can goof up a high profile war crime/court martial. The case spun out of control when Rep Jack Murtha, spent two weeks hitting the news shows stating that the Haditha Marines “cracked’ and committed “cold blooded murder” while the investigation was still ongoing. The Marine Corps has since been trying to get all the worms back into the can (4 plus years). As a quick update: Eight Marines were referred to Court Martial in the Haditha incident where 26 Iraqis (16 civilians and the remained combatants but those numbers vary) were killed when a Marine rifle squad reacted to an ambush sprung on them in the recently occupied city of Haditha, in Nov 2005. Five of the cases were dismissed based on the Article 32 investigation. The sixth case, one of the battalion’s intelligence officers (Lt), went to court martial and was found not guilty. I should note that the Lieutenant was never charged with any of the deaths. He was charged with making false official statements and discharging himself illegally from the Marine Corps. He was found not guilty of all charges. The Battalion commander was next. At the beginning of the Court Martial the military judge found that undue command influence had tainted the case…case dismissed. The undue command influence was upheld by the Navy Appeals Board. Not to be denied, the Commandant referred the Bn CO to a Naval Board of Inquiry. The BOI started on Wednesday, Dec 2, at Camp Pendleton. The last case is against the squad leader (then Sgt now) SSgt Frank Wuterich. The SSgt did an interview with 60 Minutes and the prosecutor subpoenaed CBS for the out takes in hope of getting evidence. CBS, surprisingly, rolled over and provided the out-takes once it got to a federal court. Since the undue command influence goes back to the Marine Col (lawyer type) that did the Commander of Multi-National Corps – Iraq investigation and then was assigned to the Marine Command Convening Authorities staff, it also taints the squad leader’s case. I believe that the squad leader will eventually also receive a BOI after his court martial is dismissed for undue command influence.
Collateral Damage: A number of other officers were relieved and censored including a Capt, two Cols and a Marine general, again before the investigation was complete. The Capt was a company commander located in one of Haditha’s adjacent cities (never figured that one out); the Cols were the regimental commander and the chief of staff for the Marines Forces Hq Iraq; and of course the commanding general of the Marine Forces Hq Iraq.
This baby has worms and flaming ducks crawling all over the place. The best place to get additional information is at the DefendOurMarines web site:
http://warchronicle.com/TheyAreNotKillers/DefendOurMarines.htm

JMA
08-15-2010, 10:17 PM
This is a disturbing development.

Distressed soldiers treated at combat site (http://www.armytimes.com/news/2010/08/ap_combatstress_073110/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+kow-reading+(Kings+of+War-Reading))


Increasingly, the Army is trying to treat traumatized soldiers “in theater” — where they’re stationed. The idea is that soldiers will heal best if kept with those who understand what they’ve been through, rather than being dumped into a treatment center back in the States where they’ll be surrounded by unfamiliar people and untethered from their work and routine.

...and maybe this is because they are not sure of the diagnosis and don't want to provide soldiers with an easy out and a reason to stay at home?

Op_Shrink
10-12-2010, 08:48 PM
Everyone,
I have enjoyed the discussion and insight from the group. I am an operational psychologist working at SWCS. I have worked extensively with combat veterans in areas of PTSD, mTBI, Substance Abuse, etc. I have utilized both individual and group therapy and agree that no one method is right for every single war fighter. In my experience troops seem to be more receptive to military jargon being incorporated into the therapy process. For example, instead of doing "homework" we do "missions" for the week. This may seem trivial but again the war fighters appear to like that mentality of going on a mission such as placing themselves in a crowded mall while wearing a uniform and coping with the physiological, emotional, and mental symptoms. They purposely shift their mindset to viewing it as an obstacle that they have the strength to overcome. Groups are used to process the missions, bounce ideas off one another, and hold each other accountable. Again, in my experience the war fighter appreciates a no B.S.-take-responsibility-for-your-actions kind of group. They also understand that they are not alone in what they are experiencing and can find a built in support group. I tell all my new war fighters up front that I will never say that I totally understand what they are experiencing because I am not a war fighter. I may deployed 3 times, but unless I have kicked down doors and engaged in personal combat I need to respect their experience. And I agree with marct: one needs to mix it up to find what works. I have had soldiers implement yoga, combatives, exercise, nutrition, etc. with conventional therapy. I could go on about resiliency, nature versus nurture, physiological and neurological changes, etc. but do not want to bore the group. Please let me know thoughts, especially if something needs clarification.
Thanks for what you do.
Doc

davidbfpo
10-12-2010, 09:06 PM
Op_Shrink,

Welcome aboard and thanks for those insights. I am sure some others will be along shortly, to add or repeat their views.

marct
10-13-2010, 03:39 PM
Hi Op Shrink,

Interesting comments, especially about the use of specific terms. I have similar experiences with "crafting" terminology to match the groups and individuals I've been counselling. I'd be interested to see if you are (or have) incorporated both active story telling and mythic story telling with some of your groups and, if so, do you find the active story telling coming to resmeble the myths.

Cheers,

Marc

120mm
10-14-2010, 01:50 AM
I'm interested in the use of terminology as well.

I am having a hard time with the concept, as I can visualize this geeky dorky psychologist trying to use terminology they are unfamiliar with to "identify" with combat vets, and my first, gut reaction is anger. (Actually, with one exception, psychologists in the past I've encountered automatically engage my "anger" response.)

It would take a skilled individual indeed to avoid coming off as phoney in my mind's eye.

I've found in my own journey that one of my hot spots is posers, or folks acting as if they "understand". Because frankly, most have no frame of reference.

Ethereal
10-14-2010, 04:21 AM
I'm interested in the use of terminology as well.

I am having a hard time with the concept, as I can visualize this geeky dorky psychologist trying to use terminology they are unfamiliar with to "identify" with combat vets, and my first, gut reaction is anger. (Actually, with one exception, psychologists in the past I've encountered automatically engage my "anger" response.)

It would take a skilled individual indeed to avoid coming off as phoney in my mind's eye.

I've found in my own journey that one of my hot spots is posers, or folks acting as if they "understand". Because frankly, most have no frame of reference.

Long time reader..... first time poster,

Can you share some of your experiences which have made this such a "hot spot" ?

E

Op_Shrink
10-15-2010, 07:56 PM
Guys thanks for the feedback and insight. I don't take any offense at initial reactions being anger when it relates to combat support personnel conveying they understand the war fighter experience. And I agree there are a fare share of psychologists and doctors who that have little military bearing. That being said I genuinely care about my war fighters and respect what they do. In my experience being genuine, giving respect, and explaining your actions go along way in gaining the trust of war fighters. I don't over do it with military jargon in therapy; just a few select words to make it more relatable to their mindset. I have found the war fighter to be very sensitive to wanna-be 11B providers. I always taught my interns to be genuine and never act like you know more or have done more than what you have. I have deployed 3 times: once to Kuwait/Pakistan and twice to Iraq. I don't pretend to be a war fighter; just a shrink who desires nothing more than to support them and their families. I am in the SOF community now and have found it rewarding to support operators. Please keep firing away with questions and comments. It is appreciated. Sorry it I didn't answer anyone. I was trying to track everything. Have a good one.
Doc

Ethereal
10-16-2010, 05:19 AM
Doc, I spent nearly 2 years of my life as a trainee in JFKSWC and can only imagine the stuff you deal with on a daily basis.

Welcome aboard Doc, we need many, many more of you out here in the field; chronic stress is destroying some of our best dudes.

E.

Op_Shrink
10-16-2010, 04:56 PM
Thanks Ethereal. SWCS has been a rewarding experience. There is a nice mix of things to do and sure beats working in a hospital every single day. You an 18 series guy? I am off to do some ILE stuff. Have a good weekend.

120mm
10-17-2010, 04:07 AM
Guys thanks for the feedback and insight. I don't take any offense at initial reactions being anger when it relates to combat support personnel conveying they understand the war fighter experience. And I agree there are a fare share of psychologists and doctors who that have little military bearing. That being said I genuinely care about my war fighters and respect what they do. In my experience being genuine, giving respect, and explaining your actions go along way in gaining the trust of war fighters. I don't over do it with military jargon in therapy; just a few select words to make it more relatable to their mindset. I have found the war fighter to be very sensitive to wanna-be 11B providers. I always taught my interns to be genuine and never act like you know more or have done more than what you have. I have deployed 3 times: once to Kuwait/Pakistan and twice to Iraq. I don't pretend to be a war fighter; just a shrink who desires nothing more than to support them and their families. I am in the SOF community now and have found it rewarding to support operators. Please keep firing away with questions and comments. It is appreciated. Sorry it I didn't answer anyone. I was trying to track everything. Have a good one.
Doc

Thanks for the response, Doc. My initial reaction is actually based on my four years of working with Psychologists in the prison system, all of which were regular pieces of work. That is overlain with some epic fail stories/experienes from buddies who have sought counselling or been ordered to take counselling by their chain of command post-2001.

Because I have personally encountered one professional psychologist who was worth a crap, (out of a cast of hundreds) and one amateur who was frankly outstanding, I know there is some goodness to be found within the field. Unfortunately, the paucity of effective psychologists/counsellors in my own experience has led me to distrust the field as a whole. Apparently there is more art than science, and it takes a high skilled individual to be effective.

I am very interested in how you cope with the taxonomies you are locked into here. It seems to me there is a huge friction point between the psych and the military framework.

Op_Shrink
10-18-2010, 11:35 PM
120mm thanks for sharing your experience and sorry it has been such a negative one. So far my military career has granted me quite a bit of freedom in practicing psychology. I think some of the friction arises when Command doesn't advocate for us, which results in stigma for any soldier needing to seek help. I need Command and families to be my greatest advocates. There are always going to be psychologists, physicians, nurses, etc. who are great providers but do not have great military bearing. Also, just because someone hasn't deployed doesn't mean they don't have the skills to help. They just won't really understand, which is okay as long as they acknowledge that shortcoming to the soldier. For me it comes down to genuinely caring about the soldier and their family and taking the time to listen to their experiences and know them. Having a cup of coffee or a guy swinging by the office to talk off line is what I should be taking the time to do. I just want to encourage you that there are quite a few psychologists who have that mindset, especially in the BCT's and SOF community. Well time to work on some more ILE stuff. Have a good one.

120mm
10-19-2010, 03:31 AM
120mm thanks for sharing your experience and sorry it has been such a negative one. So far my military career has granted me quite a bit of freedom in practicing psychology. I think some of the friction arises when Command doesn't advocate for us, which results in stigma for any soldier needing to seek help. I need Command and families to be my greatest advocates.

I've had Command that has "advocated" to the point of directing people to attend counselling, that frankly, didn't need it. There is a thin line between getting the right people to the right counselling and seeing PTSD behind every bush.

I think one of the keys for a commander is to hammer the living crap out of individuals who stigmatize and/or make a big deal about someone attending counselling. It doesn't take many iterations to change the unit atmosphere vis-a-vis mental health.


There are always going to be psychologists, physicians, nurses, etc. who are great providers but do not have great military bearing.

I could care less about military bearing. But the military/government system tends to protect the unprofessional and incompetent. That doesn't mean all are, but it is definitely a consideration in this discussion.

I HAVE noticed that folks like Chaplains, Doctors and Nurses sometimes get way too concerned about "military bearing" because they lack a solid indepth understanding of what military bearing really is, and therefore spend an inordinate amount of time trying to "act like a soldier". IMO, they'd be better off just relaxing, being themselves and doing their jobs as best they can.


Also, just because someone hasn't deployed doesn't mean they don't have the skills to help. They just won't really understand, which is okay as long as they acknowledge that shortcoming to the soldier.

A good counsellor is a good counsellor is a good counsellor. Since a good counsellor sets aside ego in favor of accomplishing something to benefit the counselee, deployment or experience in the particular trauma is irrelevant. The "gifted amateur" who has helped me had zero deployment experience when we started talking. Hence my "wince" when you brought up the "missions" thing. If its a vernacular you are comfortable with, great. Otherwise, I would warn against it.


For me it comes down to genuinely caring about the soldier and their family and taking the time to listen to their experiences and know them. Having a cup of coffee or a guy swinging by the office to talk off line is what I should be taking the time to do. I just want to encourage you that there are quite a few psychologists who have that mindset, especially in the BCT's and SOF community. Well time to work on some more ILE stuff. Have a good one.

I am struck by the fact that you are fairly skilled at turning aside my initial approach. I can be very abrasive and outspoken, and am amazed at how many psych/counselling "professionals" cannot do that. Those folks, imo, have no business being in the field, as dealing with angry people is their job.

Op_Shrink
10-20-2010, 09:27 PM
I have tried to reply twice, but for some reason it will not post it. 120mm thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciate the candor. I have found the Army gives me quite a bit of freedom when it comes to how I take care of troops and families. While some docs may not have great military bearing they likely still have the knowledge to effectively treat soldiers. However, I concur that military bearing can make or break rapport building with war fighters. I believe the majority of BCT and SOF psychologists have both and willingly admit their shortcomings and pretend to be more than what they are. Have a good one. DOC

Op_Shrink
10-20-2010, 09:36 PM
Well its seems my responses went through, but were delayed quite a bit. I enjoyed the reply 120mm. As for being "fairly skilled at turning aside my initial approach" all I can say is that anger is a trait that I see among all war fighters to some degree coming back from deployment. Its all good. Besides I need to know where the soldiers stands so I know how to best help him. In reference to the military jargon in group; I have had nothing but positive feedback from both conventional and unconventional troops. I don't over do it or implement the whole "hooahh" thing. That is lame. It is simply a few terms here and there. Furthermore, I am glad you see a good therapist as a good therapist, regardless of deployment experience. That is refreshing on my end. By the way what is your military background? Have a good one.

120mm
10-21-2010, 03:55 AM
As far as background is concerned, I've hit about everything, crossing from Active Duty, to Reserves/National Guard to mil contracting and back. My so-called "career progression" is enlisted FA, College/ROTC, CAV, MI, CAV, MI, CAV, MI, NBC, TRANS, CGSC Instructor, with APMS, Writer/Trainer, DoS LNO, HTS, Atmospherics, Professor of Intel, DIA SOIC thrown in there with time out to do various civilian retail management jobs in there for fun.

I wish someone would do a compare and contrast with the amount of stress involved with dealing with an unthinking, uncaring bureaucracy versus combat. Personally, I'd choose to be in combat over beating my head against a bureaucratic wall every day of the week.

Kiwigrunt
10-21-2010, 08:50 AM
I wish someone would do a compare and contrast with the amount of stress involved with dealing with an unthinking, uncaring bureaucracy versus combat. Personally, I'd choose to be in combat over beating my head against a bureaucratic wall every day of the week.

Hehe, I've never been in combat but I think I get your point and might well agree. But......is combat not getting increasingly bureaucratic?

Ethereal
10-23-2010, 07:30 AM
Hehe, I've never been in combat but I think I get your point and might well agree. But......is combat not getting increasingly bureaucratic?

I don't think "combat" is an exclusive club for "feelings".......... but, I'm not 120mm, so who knows? :rolleyes:

E

Op_Shrink
11-15-2010, 06:47 PM
Sorry I have been out of the loop lately. I have been getting hammered with assignments here at ILE and today am down to one last major assignment before heading into wargaming. I have written a paper on warfighter variables. I examined physiological responses, unit cohesion, and personality traits in warfighter motivation and performance. I loaded it with a lot of research and historical examples. Clausewitz "On War" is fantastic. That guy was so ahead of his time regarding psychology and personality traits. Hope everyone is doing well. Love to hear your thoughts. Have a good one.

Fmr11A
05-16-2011, 02:22 AM
A guy whose twitter handle is @iammilitary announced the launch of a blog to help him cope with his PTSD: http://trappedinmythoughtsofwar.blogspot.com

AdamG
07-19-2011, 04:22 PM
Reading music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PyBWLALFLQ)


Marijuana May Be Studied for Combat Disorder
By DAN FROSCH
Published: July 18, 2011

DENVER — For years now, some veterans groups and marijuana advocates have argued that the therapeutic benefits of the drug can help soothe the psychological wounds of battle. But with only anecdotal evidence as support, their claims have yet to gain widespread acceptance in medical circles.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/19/us/19pot.html?src=recg

ganulv
07-20-2011, 01:32 AM
but it’s not as if we don’t have a good idea of how to effectively treat PTSD. It’s just that the treatment is multi-modal, not quick, not cheap, and requires a good and adequately staffed infrastructure. Pero esos son otro viente pesos, as they say in Puerto Rico.

AdamG
09-21-2011, 03:41 PM
(AP) TOPEKA, Kan. - An Army sergeant accused of killing four fellow soldiers and a Navy officer at a mental health clinic on a military base in Iraq two years ago should be tried for murder but should not face the possibility of execution because he suffers from serious mental illness, a military judge recommended.
Sgt. John Russell, who is accused of opening fire at the combat stress center at Camp Liberty near Baghdad in May 2009 in what would be the deadliest act of soldier-on-soldier violence in the Iraq war, should be held accountable for his actions and face a court martial on the five counts of premeditated murder he faces, Col. James Pohl wrote in his recommendations issued Friday.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/09/19/national/main20108375.shtml

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on - Yossarian, CATCH-22

ganulv
03-27-2012, 04:07 PM
Suicide and the United States Army: perspectives from the former psychiatry consultant to the Army Surgeon General (http://dana.org/news/cerebrum/detail.aspx?id=35150) | Cerebrum (http://dana.org/news/cerebrum/)

The two portions of this piece which most piqued my interest:


Perhaps counterintuitively, suicides among those who have major injuries are rare; more often a minor injury or backache contributes to depressive symptoms, a belief that one cannot “be the Soldier I used to be,” and irritability.


Therapy dogs are now with several of the Combat Stress Control teams in Afghanistan. Soldiers will stop by to pat the dog. Wounded soldiers find that the presence of their service animal decreases their PTSD symptoms and their feelings of anger and fear. Veterans who would not leave the house will bond with their dogs, walk them, and regain structure in their lives.

davidbfpo
09-26-2012, 01:50 PM
Hat tip to Leah Farrell (via Twitter) for this pointer - to a vivid, hard to read personal account of PTSD by an Australian soldier, who joined as a private and became a general. From the sub-title:
Major General John Cantwell fought in Iraq in 1991 and again in 2006. In 2010 he commanded the Australian troops in Afghanistan. Upon his return, he was in the running to be the Chief of Army – instead, he found himself in a psychiatric ward.

Link:http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/casualty-of-war-20120917-2612i.html

We've seen similar references and I do wonder what the impact upon each national society will be of ex-veterans who think this:
I seethe at the indifference of most Australians to the efforts of our troops overseas.

I know there are some biker SWC members, so:
Bizarrely, I can ride a motorcycle without having these foolish panic attacks. I have no idea why.

Finally:
I understand that I am on a long journey of recovery, but I know also that I will complete that journey, someday. I am determined to get better. I will beat this thing.

A book is due out next month:
Exit Wounds: One Australian's War on Terror by Major General John Cantwell (with Greg Bearup), published by MUP on October 1.

Link to publisher:https://estore.mup.com.au/items/9780522861785 and no trace on Amazon.

davidbfpo
06-23-2013, 12:00 PM
Introductory remarks have been edited slightly:
Daniel Somers was a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom... Daniel suffered greatly from PTSD and had been diagnosed with traumatic brain injury and several other war-related conditions. On June 10, 2013, Daniel wrote the following letter to his family before taking his life. Daniel was 30 years old. His wife and family have given permission to publish it.

Link:http://gawker.com/i-am-sorry-that-it-has-come-to-this-a-soldiers-last-534538357?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_twitter&utm_source=gawker_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

He refers to twenty-two military suicides daily. I tried to identify a thread on PTSD and suicide, but my search failed, so dropped in here.

ganulv
06-23-2013, 01:10 PM
[Somers] refers to twenty-two military suicides daily. I tried to identify a thread on PTSD and suicide, but my search failed, so dropped in here.
I looked around the Web for a few minutes and came upon the following from a 2011 report:


[T]he VA estimates that a veteran dies by suicide every 80 minutes.*

That is eighteen veteran suicides daily, so a bit lower than Mr. Somers’s figure, but still, for perspective:


[A]lthough only 1% percent of Americans have served in the military, former service members represent 20% percent of suicides in the United States.†
-------
* Harrell, Margaret C., and Nancy Berglass. Losing the battle: the challenge of military suicide (http://www.cnas.org/files/documents/publications/CNAS_LosingTheBattle_HarrellBerglass.pdf). Policy brief. Center for a New American Security, October 2011: p. 1.
† ibid.

davidbfpo
06-23-2013, 04:33 PM
Ganulv,

I understand that the suicide rate amongst ex-UK servicemen is high too. Another SWC member I think referred to more committing suicide after the Falklands War (1982) than were killed in the conflict.

ganulv
06-23-2013, 04:50 PM
Ganulv,

I understand that the suicide rate amongst ex-UK servicemen is high too. Another SWC member I think referred to more committing suicide after the Falklands War (1982) than killed in the conflict.

The figures from the 2011 report are particularly striking to me in light of the conditions associated with increased risk of suicide which preclude an individual from military service in the U.S. See here (http://www.military.com/join-armed-forces/disqualifiers-medical-conditions.html) for the conditions listed under the headings of Disorders with psychotic features; Neurotic, anxiety, mood, somatoform, dissociative, or factitious disorders; and Personality, conduct, and behavior disorders, amongst others.

jmm99
06-23-2013, 07:19 PM
Does the comparison of 20% of suicides being vets vs. 1% of the population being vets have any materiality (weight, significance) ? You judge.

The data in the CNAS study (see notes 2 & 3) come from Facts about Veteran Suicide (www.erie.va.gov/pressreleases/assets/SuicidePreventionFactSheet.doc‎) (VHA, updated April 2011); also from whence:


30,000 - 32,000 US deaths from suicide per year among the population overall (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

Approximately:

20 percent are Veterans (National Violent Death Reporting System).

18 deaths from suicide per day are Veterans (National Violent Death Reporting System).

Taking 32,000 (all US suicides) x 20% (vets) = 6400 / 365 days = 17.5. Pretty simple - and also pretty simplistic.

Consider this one, A "Suicide Epidemic Among Veterans"? (http://archive.redstate.com/stories/war/a_suicide_epidemic_among_veterans) (2008); first for some background on the death stats:


Veteran status has been part of the standard death certificate since 1939. The National Vital Statistics System (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss.htm), however, is a terribly decentralized system in which the states voluntarily participate. The federal government is a subscriber to that data and pays for it on a per record basis through grant agreements with the states. That data element, veteran status, has never been collated at the federal level. So while the data exists on an existential level it might as well not exist in any practical sense.

Only a minority of states supply vet data. Obviously, this is an area where Big Data would be useful - Come on NSA !

In order to exert some control over the study, one might look beyond vet & non-vet to age and gender classes. The "Suicide Epidemic" article looks to those distinctions, based on 2004 data from two public use databases managed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (this (http://wonder.cdc.gov/) and that (http://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/index.html)).

First take the 2004 data for all US suicides by age (per 100,000):


15-19 years, 8.2; 20-24 years, 12.4; 25-34 years, 12.6; 35-44 years, 15.0; 45-54 years, 16.5; 55-64 years, 13.8; 65-74 years, 12.3; 75-84 years, 16.3; and 85+ years, 16.4.

The rates for vets vary all over the place - 17 to 32 per 100,000.

Second, take the data for males (per 100,000):


15-19 years,12.6; 20-24 years, 20.8; 25-34 years, 20.3; 35-44 years, 23.0; 45-54 years, 24.7; 55-64 years, 22.0; 65-74 years, 22.5; 75-84 years, 34.8; and 85+ years, 45.0.

and, third, the 2004 data for white males (per 100,000):


15-19 years, 13.5; 20-24 years, 22.0; 25-34 years, 21.7; 35-44 years, 25.6; 45-54 years, 27.5; 55-64 years, 23.9; 65-74 years, 24.1; 75-84 years, 37.0; and 85+ years, 48.3.

So, for the 20-24 years cohort, we see for 2004: 12.4 (all); 20.8 (males); and 22.0 (white males). Looking at all 20-24 years males, over a number of database years:


1979 -- 26.5
1980 -- 26.8
1981 -- 25.7
1982 -- 25.2
1983 -- 24.0
...
1993 -- 26.5
1994 -- 28.0
1995 -- 27.0
..
2002 -- 20.8
2003 -- 20.2
2004 -- 20.8

The salient point - compare apples with apples.

Next up, JAMA, Post-service Mortality Among Vietnam Veterans (http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=364439)(1987):


The post-service mortality (through December 1983) of a cohort of 9324 US Army veterans who served in Vietnam was compared with that of 8989 Vietnam-era Army veterans who served in Korea, Germany, or the United States. Over the entire follow-up period, total mortality in Vietnam veterans was 17% higher than for other veterans. The excess mortality occurred mainly in the first five years after discharge from active duty (rate ratio, 1.45; 95% confidence interval, 1.08 to 1.96) and involved motor vehicle accidents, suicide, homicide, and accidental poisonings. Thereafter, mortality among Vietnam veterans was similar to that of other Vietnam-era veterans, except for drug-related deaths, which continued to be elevated. An unexpected finding was a deficit in deaths from diseases of the circulatory system among Vietnam veterans. The excess in post-service mortality due to external causes among Vietnam veterans is similar to that found among men returning from combat areas after World War II and the Korean War.

From this study, we can conclude that the critical period for in-theatre personnel (for motor vehicle accidents, suicide, homicide, and accidental poisonings) is the first five years post-theatre.

Similar findings for deaths among Australian vets and non-vets, in the later period starting 15 to 20 years post service, are found in Mortality of National Service Vietnam Veterans (http://www.vvaa.org.au/nsmort.htm) (1997), including:


Suicide, which has been of particular interest in Vietnam veterans, was not significantly elevated, with a relative risk of 1.13.

This is an area where one should make haste slowly.

Regards

Mike

ganulv
06-23-2013, 07:47 PM
In sum, you are suggesting that veteran/non-veteran suicide rates be compared by be age/race/sex combinations?

jmm99
06-24-2013, 01:42 AM
and also that the variations over time be kept in mind. For example, the data for the 20-24 years male cohort has a variation from 20.2 (2003) to 28.0 (1994).

To also make it clear, I don't dispute that in-theatre vets (vs. out-of-theatre vets) have higher risk factors, especially in the earlier years after discharge; though my beliefs in that regard are very much influenced by anecdotal evidence (my dad, WWII combat in an assault rifle company). We just shouldn't get carried away with how "high" those risk factors are.

Regards

Mike

ganulv
06-24-2013, 05:59 PM
and also that the variations over time be kept in mind. For example, the data for the 20-24 years male cohort has a variation from 20.2 (2003) to 28.0 (1994).
IIRC, Boomers have shown a higher suicide rate than those born before or after. I wonder how/if that ties into service in Vietnam.

jmm99
06-25-2013, 12:04 AM
Suicide Among Adults Aged 35–64 Years — United States, 1999–2010 (http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6217a1.htm?s_cid=mm6217a1_w#tab1).

Which first - chicken or egg ?

Regards

Mike

SWJ Blog
06-25-2013, 08:03 AM
Leader-Imposed Stress (http://smallwarsjournal.com/jrnl/art/leader-imposed-stress)

Entry Excerpt:



--------
Read the full post (http://smallwarsjournal.com/jrnl/art/leader-imposed-stress) and make any comments at the SWJ Blog (http://smallwarsjournal.com/blog).
This forum is a feed only and is closed to user comments.

davidbfpo
07-14-2013, 10:11 AM
Pre-broadcast publicity for tomorrow's BBC Panorama on this issue, so some UK papers have picked up the story:
In 2012 seven serving soldiers were confirmed to have killed themselves, while a further 14 died in suspected suicides but inquests had yet to be held, the Ministry of Defence have confirmed. But as the Government does not record suicides among former soldiers, the number of feared much higher.

An investigation by the BBC's Panorama found at least 29 veterans also took their own lives last year, bringing the total number of suicides to 50 compared with 40 soldiers who died in action in Afghanistan during the same period.

Link:http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/defence/10178403/More-British-soldiers-commit-suicide-than-die-in-battle-figures-suggest.html

Link to BBC summary:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23259865

ganulv
07-17-2013, 11:54 AM
How much does culture matter for P.T.S.D.? (http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/elements/2013/07/ptsd-and-its-critics.html) by David J. Morris

There is quite a bit of compare-and-contrast of British and American P.T.S.D. rates in the piece. Excerpts:


In [Ben Shephard (http://www.salford.ac.uk/humanities/research/centre-for-european-security/members/ben-shephard)’s] provocative book, “A War of Nerves: Soldiers and Psychiatrists in the Twentieth Century,” he describes a historical cycle that governs the treatment of war stress: “the problem is at first denied, then exaggerated, then understood, and finally, forgotten.”*

One of the largest studies done on combat-related P.T.S.D., published in The Lancet at the height of the Iraq War, reported that around four per cent of British veterans had been diagnosed with the disorder. A meta-analysis of studies on American veterans deployed to Iraq found that the rate of P.T.S.D. diagnosis ranges from 1.4 to thirty-one per cent, although the range is typically between ten to seventeen per cent. In a 2010 study published in The British Journal of Psychiatry, Neil Greenberg, of the Academic Centre for Defence Mental Health, at King’s College London, found an incidence rate of 3.4 per cent.
*Shephard’s is not an original insight, but it is worth restating. One of my favorite anthropologists, W.H.R. Rivers, was publicly discussing what we now know as P.T.S.D. almost a century ago (http://net.lib.byu.edu/estu/wwi/comment/rivers.htm).

davidbfpo
08-19-2013, 07:24 PM
'Commander Salamander' has added a commentary on the USNI blogsite, within which he comments on PTSD, alongside why service leadership fails to offer leadership:
Compared with other countries, the United States diagnoses PTSD cases at improbably high rates. Recent PTSD rates in the U.S. have reached as high as 30%, according to the Congressional Budget Office. By contrast, only 2% of Danish soldiers deployed to Afghanistan (and, per capita, the Danes have done as much fighting as anyone) are diagnosed with significant PTSD symptoms, according to a study published in December in Psychological Science. One consequence of high rates of PTSD diagnosis is that the treatment is too often conducted outside a military environment. Soldiers are deprived of what traditionally has been the best medicine: talking to other soldiers.

GBR, DNK, EST, CAN, NLD, AUS all fought relatively caveat free with us in AFG, especially DNK. That is a fair comparison. Either we argue that the average American servicemember is less hardy than your average Dane, that the Danes don’t care about their soldiers, or that there is something wrong with our reporting and classification system. I vote for #3.

Link:http://blog.usni.org/2013/08/19/2013s-greatest-leadership-failure?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+UsniBlog+%28USNI+Blog%29

Red Rat
08-20-2013, 08:09 AM
A straw poll of some two dozen serving officers at my current location revealed that while we had all come across suicides among serving and retired peers and subordinates, all of them appeared to have been linked to non-PTSD issues.

This ad hoc military judgement panel felt that the relentless focus on PTSD was obscuring a larger issue of mental health in the round and while there was awareness of some people who had suffered with PTSD, these were very much the exception; more prevalent were people with stress, depression and other mental health issues.

certainly the UK often recruits (especially the combat arms) from a strata of society where disrupted backgrounds are the norm, military life is in itself very disruptive and then on discharge we return personnel inevitably back from whence they came.

davidbfpo
02-19-2016, 05:30 PM
This thread was originally called White Paper: PTSD and mTBI. It has now been renamed mTBI, PTSD and Stress (Catch All).

Today I have merged in eight similar threads, all had been closed. There remain a small number of threads on PTSD / Stress, most are in the RFI arena and have been left alone.

IHMO this thread should be viewed alongside: How soldiers deal with the job of killing:http://council.smallwarsjournal.com/showthread.php?t=13523 and How LE & others deal with the job of killing and death: http://council.smallwarsjournal.com/showthread.php?t=15164 (http://council.smallwarsjournal.com/showthread.php?t=15164)

davidbfpo
02-19-2016, 05:49 PM
A short article 'When the brain is the battlefield' in The Spectator, in a health supplement:http://health.spectator.co.uk/when-the-brain-is-the-battlefield-mental-health-in-the-armed-forces/

A couple of "take away" points: 4% of all those the UK deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq come back with PTSD; 7% for those in direct combat and 40% with disorders do not seek help.

The UK public expect 90% return with physical or mental health problems.

Yes, this article was the catalyst to re-open this thread and merge smaller ones in (see above Post).

davidbfpo
04-20-2016, 07:00 PM
A long article from Huffington Post, the actual title is: These Elite Troops Spent 15 Years At War. This Program Tries To Prepare Their Minds And Bodies For The Next 15.
Link:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/special-forces-preservation-force-family_us_5710180ae4b0018f9cb991d0