I have to keep it generic for obvious reasons
But as an analyst I was working in the staff section for about a week during which I completed my assigned tasks and then in the extra time found ways to make fancier and more detailed representations of said info.
Worked pretty hard and was kinda proud of myself till couple days in someone asked why I was doing that; it wasn't necessary, and silly. So I stopped adding to it put all in one folder and set it to be the screen saver.
Two days later had been sent somewhere else to work on a different project and recieved the first of two or three calls from various individuals asking "
Quote:
that thing on the computer where'd you get it?
and
Quote:
How'd you do that again?
:wry:
Learned at the hands of merciless masters
Back in my sordid past, I was a logistician (and terrible at it, but that is a seperate story). I was the S4 of one of seperate battalions, so I was routinely at the COSCOM staff briefs to the general. The CG, Brigadier General Larry Lust (no, I could not have made that up) had a reputation as being an ogre to brief. He routinely ranted and questioned the intelligence and competence of his staff and commanders in open forums. No kidding, colonels would sweat and tremble like they were about to fall out when they briefed him, his own staff was so scared of him that they told people to... finesse numbers in order to avoid upsetting him.
So there I was, 1LT Van, Bn S4, when BG Lust decided to go on a rampage about "why all these darn reports of survey don't move faster". I had recently completed two, but only just under the time limit. And then BG Lust turns the guns on me, why did these surveys take more than a month to complete? And there was an intake of breathe out of sympathy and pity for me. I looked him square in the eye, told him I screwed up, that I was new at this, admitted that I had lost a lot of time because I was learning the process, had learned a lot, and would do better next time. At which point BG Lust nodded, said "O.K." and moved on to the next issue. His own staff was stunned and amazed that he hadn't eaten me alive in front of the entire COSCOM command and staff. And on that day, I truly internalized the whole "make no excuses" thing.
Never act like you know more than your spouse...
A different title, I know, but you'll understand if you can get through to the end of this posting...
There I was sitting in an Ulchi Focus Lens exercise as an ADA BN S3 with the 101st AASLT (MAIN). I was a recently returned planner from 2ID, and I thought I had a pretty firm grasp of the unique challenges associated with conducting operations on the Korean Penninsula...
As I came on duty, I thought for sh!ts and giggles, I stopped by the plans tent to see what Corps had dreamt up in the middle of the night. As I walked in I saw a buzz of activity at the map board (1:25,000) involving the Chief of Plans, Div G3, and CoS. Sensing something big I asked the plans CPT for a copy of the FRAGO causing all the action. He quickly handed the hard copy to me, stating smuggly "Planning big Air Assault Op." Hmmm.... Despite the fact that this seemed unfeasible unless someone did some magic moves during the night, I read the order... I paraphrase....
Conduct AASLT to secure bridge at grid AB12345678 IOT pass 4ID, graphics due NLT 12 hours Seeing as I am not an infantryman, I focused more on the pass 4ID (deliberate river crossing) than I did the AASLT. Silly me!!! When I tried to pry the Chief of Plans (a good friend from SAMS) away from the map board, he informed me they were too busy planning the AASLT. I mentioned that a couple of CPTs could pick or at least recommend the LZs, and that they might want to start planning the deliberate river crossing and passage of a Heavy Division. I got a blank look and then, "We do AASLTs" they'll worry about the river." The graphics produced literally resembled a toilet seat in shape and had one contact point and passage lane for 4ID...
A little saddened, I ran into the previous year's G2 planner (and the Chief of Plans Wife) as I exited the tent... Her first words were, "did you see what they are doing?" When I nodded, she stated "he wouldn't listen to you either? The hell with it let him fail, it'll teach him lesson in humility."
Now that's harsh, but she was right and it did.
I bet Gian can figure out the names. :D
I would ask, seriously, why the Corps Commander
was getting briefed on something as down in the weeds and stupid at his level as the number of flatracks but I know the answer:
We've lost our cotton picking minds and the inmates are in charge... :mad:
Sheesh...
Same thing happened during Desert Storm.
Sorry way to do business. Had it not been for the Guard and Reserve in DS/DS, logistic failure would've virtually been guaranteed.
Both the then Chief of staff and the then DCSOPS tried -- very stupidly, IMO -- everything in their power to avoid a callup. Abrams had outsmarted 'em :D
We really need to repair that AC/RC disconnect, it's every bit as dangerous as the conventional force / SOF disconnect. Both are wrong and both need fixing.
WARFIGHTER EXERCISE, Fort Lewis 1999
As a NG Divison Cavalry Squadron S2, I watched the S4 write out a resupply message requesting amongst other things "50,000 gallons of cottage cheese and three lederhosen", just to prove to the Squadron commander that no one at G level was reading our reports. :D
The request, in it's entirety, was approved...
Grafenwohr WARFIGHTER, April 1999
Playing the part of the night shift BDE S2 (with someone else's NG Division), we were doing better than projected against a quasi-Iraqi OPFOR. I watched a young RA 2LT LNO (1st ID, IIRC) updating his Commander: "Sir, they're not like us... they're playing music and ordering pizza to the TOC. I don't know exactly what they're doing or how they're doing it, but it's working".
*snicker*
Fort Drum, summer 2000
As SQD S2, I laid out a Route Recon lane for the Scout Platoons. The PSGs in A Troop were both older (the oldest pushing 50), so I got an MRE box and set it under a bridge along the route. In laundry pen, it was labeled WHEELCHAIR PARTS. I'd also made up some the Blair Witch Project icons (out of W2 wire and straight branches, knitted togethor at the last Command & Staff meeting), which I hung in the trees just short of the bridge. See http://www.lovefilm.com/lovefilm/ima...2132-large.jpg
About two hours later, "Black 2, this is Red 4. Spot reports follows. Possible Satanic activity and age discrimination, vicinity A003..."
Same time period: an Infantry Battalion insisted on making up their own interpretation of the SOI and using the code page for how many days they had been at AT (rather than which day of the month it was, 1 thru 10). This put them on our Squadron push, and they failed to listen to reason.
The S3 gave me permission to chase them off our frequency, so it became a training opportunity (section drill, how to do your own MIJI mission). Every time they started to broadcast, we transmitted the Volga Boatmen song (track 8 on this very CD http://www.amazon.com/Cossacks/dp/B0000058FS) from our CD player (as well as rude comments in mock-Russian accent) until their TOC finally whimpered "All such-and-such, switch to alternate frequency".