This the problem with intervention. But just because you have inserted yourself, unless your intent is to stay, you are still not part of the family.
So, the neighbor across the street is a complete ass, physically and emotionally abusing his spouse and kids, and generally disliked and mistrusted by everyone in the neighborhood. Lets call him Saddam. You and a few others (we'll call this group "the coalition") decide he needs to go, so you get a court order and the cops swoop in and drag the guy out. The kids are crying and the long suffering spouse is cursing and throwing things at the cops while she and Saddam yelling over the din expressions of their love for each other.
Now what? You don't want her or her kids, but you've just created chaos in the household. So you have a brilliant idea, you bring in some guy who used to know her 20 years ago and arrange a marriage over her objections to restore the family, or maybe you bring in her ex-husband who she had divorced 10 years ago and force her to remarry him. Problems solved, right? Of course not, we'd never foist these "solutions" on a family, but we will do them to an entire nation. Crazy. So you move in as well, "just until things settle down" you tell yourself and everyone else.
This is what we did in Iraq, and you are right, it is a mess and our solution is what created the current problem. But we still aren't part of the family. Still an outsider, and outsider dynamics still apply. Just because we set all of this in motion in no way changes the relationships of the parties.
So, no, we are not the "COIN" force in Iraq, the new government took on that role just as the new Dad/husband did in the example above. Obviously this guy has huge legitimacy issues that he may never overcome, he may just be transitional until she brings in the husband she really wants, but that needs to be her choice and not that of the neighbors, or you will never achieve the stability that comes with the legitimacy of acceptance. The neighborhood has certainly inherited responsibilities based on what they did, but they did not become part of the family. They have a distinct role as an involved outsider, but that is it.
Family dynamics and national dynamics are pretty damn similar. If a national situation is overwhelmingly complex and one can't decide what is best, just consider how what you are chewing on would play in a single family, and you'll have a pretty good idea on how it will play on an entire state.
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