I should render this statement in English:
DOD: “While there is nothing at this time that leads the Department of Defense to believe this is a missile launch …”
English: It wasn’t a missile.
DOD: … the department and other US government agencies with expertise in aviation and space continue to look into the condensation trail (CONTRAIL) seen and reported off the coast of southern California on Monday evening.”
English: But we will take this very, very seriously because we are professionals. After work, however, over a beer, we might use the term “nutjob that doesn’t know a jet contrail from his ass on fire.”
DOD: “All DoD entities with rocket and missile programs reported no launches, scheduled or inadvertent, during the time period in the area of the reported contrail.”
English: Look, we didn’t launch anything.
DOD: NORAD and USNORTHCOM confirmed that it did not monitor any foreign military missile launch off the California coast yesterday …
English: Nor did we see anyone else launch anything.
DOD: and has determined that there was no threat to the US homeland.
English: Did we mention that we are taking this very, very seriously because we are professionals? At least until we get to the bar?
DOD: In addition, the FAA ran radar replays from Monday afternoon of a large area west of Los Angeles. Those replays did not reveal any fast-moving, unidentified targets.
English: Don’t you think it is odd that the FAA radars only show airplanes?
DOD: The FAA also did not receive reports of any unusual sightings from pilots who were flying in the area Monday afternoon.
English: Or that no one else, other than the helicopter crew, say anything but airplanes?
DOD: “If any new information comes to light in the coming days, we will update the press and public.”
English: Time for that beer.
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