I know we largely agree, and while I do not feel particularly confused about what war is, I do think that what we are actually bemoaning here is the want of an effective national grand strategy that describes an approach to the world that allows the US to once again be able to "play to win." Our post Cold War strategy has been a "play not to lose" approach to a world full of actors who are all playing to win.

So, my question is, do we want to define ourselves as a nation in negative terms that declare war on the world, or do we want to define ourselves as a nation in positive terms of peace, but that fully recognize that we will often be dealing with all manner of illegal and violent conflicts in the execution of said strategy?

I do not need to call all things war. It is neither accurate nor helpful; and it is not who we are. Americans do not play not to lose well. It grates at our competitive nature. We do not need forever war, but we do need a strategy we can play to win.

Google this paper as one example.
Chapter One, Toward a New Strategy of Peace
Christopher Holshek and Melanie Greenberg
Alliance for Peacebuilding