Safety rules may be the greatest source of ridiculous stories.

In 2004, I was at NTC and an O-6 informed me that I was a sorry excuse for a leader because I did not care about the safety or welfare of my Soldiers. What was my crime? I was riding shotgun in a HMMWV, on post, at about 5 MPH. My driver and I were wearing seatbelts and helmets and we were even utilizing the ever-important ground guide as we drove across a relatively open patch of dirt with no obstructions or pedestrians. Each of us had our 2-quart canteens of water, which we were faithfully drinking and topping off on a regular basis. We were headed from the BLUFOR staging area across the street to the wash rack area.

It should help to underscore how slowly we were moving by pointing out that the Colonel came running after us from out of nowhere and caught up with the vehicle. He shouted, nearly out of breath, for the vehicle to stop, for my driver to turn off the engine, and for us to get out of the vehicle and "unscrew" ourselves before we moved another inch. I still have no idea who this Colonel was or what unit he was in. I had to go round and round with the Colonel, yes sirring and no sirring, as I attempted to figure out what it was that we were doing wrong. He was convinced that I was in on his secret and that I was simply playing dumb, but none of us had any idea what his panties were in such a bunch over. I took several guesses - was my ground guide supposed to wear a road guard vest? Should we have put our hazard lights on? Did I fail to notify someone about my one-vehicle convoy that would be traveling 100 meters in a garrison area?

Finally, he let us in on the secret: we were required to wear goggles, in addition to the other redundant/ridiculous safety measures that we had already succumbed to. It took tremendous concentration for me to refrain from rolling my eyes at such absurdity. But we gave one final "yes sir" and feigned respect for him. My driver and I then spent the next 10 minutes retrieving 3 sets of goggles while the ground guide "guarded" the vehicle, and then we were back on our way.