Best Staff War Stories

[120mm]

Grafenwohr WARFIGHTER, April 1999

Playing the part of the night shift BDE S2 (with someone else's NG Division), we were doing better than projected against a quasi-Iraqi OPFOR. I watched a young RA 2LT LNO (1st ID, IIRC) updating his Commander: "Sir, they're not like us... they're playing music and ordering pizza to the TOC. I don't know exactly what they're doing or how they're doing it, but it's working".

*snicker*

Small world. I was playing Corps Rear G2 for that Warfighter.

[Happyshooter]

We really need to repair that AC/RC disconnect, it's every bit as dangerous as the conventional force / SOF disconnect. Both are wrong and both need fixing.

I got a call up for Clinton's reelection and got sent to Germany as an MP. The actives hated us. The AD troops were one man to a room, they put us two in the cruddy barracks with the active guys they were throwing out (the losers were, of course, one to a room).

They were screwing with us every chance they got. They stuck us on twelves and made us fix stuff up for the active troops in the BSB, they used to bitch at us and threaten us every day. They had a change of command and made us march in it so their guys could party instead. Every little crap detail they could invent they did.

I really took a dislike to active army officers after that little joy trip. Those guys should be making general right about now, which....

[Ranger94]

After a 48hour patrol I was giving a debrief to the MSG(NG) that was in charge that night. I recapped that we were watching an IED site (overt patrol) and that we went into the village right next to it. ( it was about 300meters away). We did a simple drive around, presence patrol. I left a dismount on the IED site while we had eyes off. A Capt. (NG) who was listening asked why I patrolled the town. I calmly relayed that I chose to do that because I thought maybe the ones planting IEDs were from that town and that I would do more to accomplish the mission if I did the "beat cop" thing. I could almost see the light bulb go on over his head when he said "Yeah, that was a good call. Maybe we should do that". His unit was in charge of the towns and my unit was working the roads between the towns

I wish I was making this up.

As a side note, the FOB that I was on had about a 120degree "secure" perimeter. The rest was open. When the SGM (NG) that was in charge of security on the FOB was asked about this he said that the enemy only attacked from the front. (Yes he really said that. I grew up just south of Lake George and have been reading about Robert Rogers for a long time. I almost lost it)

Lack of Security on the FOB was confirmed by 3rd ID CSM (AD) who was in charge of AO at that time...he said that he would do his best to correct the issue. It was not corrected

I wish I was making this up.

I was NG (OIF III)

[120mm]

Before this degrades into an "us and them" AD vs. AR/NG thing, what's sad about it, is that both sides have different, complementary strengths and weaknesses, which should, and have resulted in very good units.

High level and CSS staffs tend to be better as Army Reserve formations. (There is no practical way to train an AD guy on how to do higher level logistics) The operational and mid- to lower level tactical formations are much better as Active Duty. (i.e., some BDEs, Almost all BNs, and most Companies.) Smaller level tactical units can be a wash, especially during peacetime, between AD and NG. And low density, specialty MOSs are almost always superior outside of the AD Army.

Back to the "war stories" topic. When I was on the way out of my second command (of a DIV CAV HHT) I was "rewarded" with an additional AT as an LNO to the 29th SIB in Hawai'i. Seems the 29th has never worked with their Cavalry Troop, and they wanted an experienced CAV officer to provide LNO services between the ad hoc 2 Troop Squadron they were plussing the unit up with for a JRTC rotation.

While Hawai'i was beautiful, the SIB staff didn't want a thing to do with me, (because I was a white mainlander) or my "crazy extra units." They wouldn't even give us a radio net.

So... 6 months later, when we went to Fort Polk, Yours Truly got together with all the additional units (1 x Australian LRRP PLT, 1 x Mech Inf Co, 1 x Tank Co, 1 x ATK helo Co, 1 x Light Recon Troop, and 1 x Air CAV Troop) and hammered out a deal, where, on our own hook, we formed a SuperBattalion that was completely independent of the 29SIB CoC. And because I had access to the BDE TOC, I was de facto commander.

Once the rotation started, as expected, the Hawai'ians excluded us from planning, support and radio nets, so we kept our ears open, and ended up killing upwards of 96% of the enemy in sector, on our own. The 29SIB flailed around and failed miserably in every thing it attempted, OTOH, including things like attempting to maneuver Battalions on 3-6 man ambushes.

[selil]

Before this degrades into an "us and them" AD vs. AR/NG thing, what's sad about it, is that both sides have different, complementary strengths and weaknesses, which should, and have resulted in very good units.

Oh come on now... MY National guard experience with active duty was so great I transferred to the Marines......

[Mike in Hilo]

At a periodic MR-III Province Representatives staff meeting in 1973 Vietnam, I had just completed my briefing on the security situation in Gia Dinh Province with a gratuitous tidbit--a time-honored metric, the total number of RF ops--from squad-size to regimental--for the quarter, which was in the thousands--and the total number of contacts, which was five....Now, the Gia Dinh RF had long been notorious for their lack of aggressiveness...(Aside: yes, there was also habitual GVN underreporting of contacts and friendly casualties)..... This was important because that province's Territorials--equivalent to a division in troop strength--were concurrently the RF for the Capital Special Zone (formerly Capital Military District)...Anyway, my closing comment had detracted from a reasonable (in my view) presentation, and did not impress because this was entirely predictable, and the numbers would have been available anyhow through the DAO channel...

After each briefing, the bosses went around the table. They frequently tore into the presenter. In the event, the chairman, our Principal Officer, a State Dept. Senior Foreign Service type and former III-Corps DEPCORDS, graced me with a tolerant, disdainful smile--but no comment. Next, the Chief of the Bien Hoa CIA base, who had kindly feigned interest and offered reflex raised eyebrows, had no questions..

Then my immediate boss-the guy who ran us Prov-Reps in CORDS's much diminished successor organization, SAA/FO, offered an observation...This outstanding individual, Cliff Nunn, by then a civilian, was a former Lt. Col who had been recruited for Vietnam by John Vann in 1965 and served continuously in VN for the next decade, including many years as a PSA (head of a CORDS Priovince Team)...In a half-mumbled Southern Indiana ramble, he said, more in sorrow than in anger,

"Well, Mike....Five contacts...You know, really looks like enemy strength in your province has increased significantly...In fact, they are now so numerous that it's physically impossible to avoid running into them...!"

[120mm]

I just collected a "staff war story" last week:

Every day at 1000, we have a staff meeting, where we review the next 72 hours of operations. We come to a consensus on how things need to be adjusted on the schedule, and I am the responsible individual for making those changes in the tracking database.

Well, a gentleman comes up to me, and in a stage whisper, asks me how come I hadn't made this certain change from three days ago, and gives me the paper copy to prove it. There is still 5 minutes before the meeting, so I rush to the computer, bring up the database, and surprise! the change had been made in the computer, three days ago.

It's not unknown for the computer to take a dump, and print an old copy, so I go out, and grab one of the copies off the table, and upon review, note the change had hit the table. I then look closely at the sheet of paper idiot-boy had handed me, and was surprised to find that it was a sheet from 3 days ago. I point this out, and I can see what I am saying did not register in this guys brain-pan housing group.

So, the dude honestly believed, that when I made a computer change, it should automatically change the original, paper copy, he had in his possession.

I kid you not, the guy went away angry, that I couldn't make his paper copy change, via the computer. The good news: I get to work with this guy again.

[Tom Odom]

So, the dude honestly believed, that when I made a computer change, it should automatically change the original, paper copy, he had in his possession.

I kid you not, the guy went away angry, that I couldn't make his paper copy change, via the computer. The good news: I get to work with this guy again.

Another walking talking Guiness commercial...

Brilliant!!!!!!

[selil]

I kid you not, the guy went away angry, that I couldn't make his paper copy change, via the computer. The good news: I get to work with this guy again.

There is only one thing you can say to guys like that "You go first".

[Ranger94]

Before this degrades into an "us and them" AD vs. AR/NG thing, what's sad about it, is that both sides have different, complementary strengths and weaknesses, which should, and have resulted in very good units.

That was not my intent but I can see how that could be read. The NG guys that were cops, construction workers and EMT/Parametic in the civilian world are some of the best resources for current ops.

I am also shunning formal education and working on more goodly writing skills.

To keep the editorial balance, when I worked for CEXC as a civialian I was talking to a MSG(AD) in the TOC about leadership. He was aware of my military background. He was amazed that I still thought that I had to lead by example as an NCO. His opnion was that his guys "will do what they are told because (he) told them to do it" and that was it.

I will be limiting my military commitment because of soldiers like him.

[Steve Blair]

There is only one thing you can say to guys like that "You go first".

I was thinking something like "Here's your stick...go check that field over there. You'll know you're done when you hear a loud boom."

[Ken White]

...He was amazed that I still thought that I had to lead by example as an NCO. His opnion was that his guys "will do what they are told because (he) told them to do it" and that was it.

I will be limiting my military commitment because of soldiers like him.

that guy and others like him drive more people out of the Armed Forces every year than should be tolerated...

[Tipy]

I was a USMC L/Cpl in Viet. late 68 to Oct 69. Went to Army ROTC and got to B Co. 2/327 in 77. In early 78 we had a change of command with a newly promoted Cpt. G. He was already infamous for throwing his M16 25 feet up in the air and sticking the muzzle in the dirt, when he flunked the EIB test.
First thing he did was order the once a week company staff(Plt leaders and PSG's) meeting to go to every night M-F, starting at 6pm. Bn. had a staff meeting every night for company CO's starting at 5pm. Many the nights we waited for him till 8pm or later, kept our notebooks ready and went home over an hour later with no notes in the notebook.
Later as a civilian I was visiting an active duty friend at CGSC in the hallway outside the library. Surprise, heres comes Maj. G, and he immediatley remarked with no prompting, "I've changed". His next remark with no prompting was "I'm extended here for a year for the SAMMS course". Bet he's a general now. Golf Robert India Bravo Lima India Nora Golf. Wish I knew where he's at now. I think he was a VMI grad. class of 72.

[Ken White]

fortunate (or unfortunate; choose one) No ....... Slack denizen. Good for you. "Above the Rest" and "Honor and Country" below the crest and all that. Clash of '66 here.

If that was Rick he was a COL in 01 according to Google.

[Tipy]

No Slack,
Yep thats him.
Wonder what happened to B Co. 1st Sgt. Bossi? I heard he made SMG of one of the Corps in Germany in the 80's.
My excellent Bn. CO was Hugh T. O'Conner, anyone know what happened to him?
Had another Plt. leader with me named Bertolino, who was a grunt in B Co. in Viet..
Semper Fidelus and No Slack, whod a thunk it.
Tipy

[davidbfpo]

In '07 I was an observer / adviser at a UK civil-military tabletop exercise, dominated by the Army, with a miltary aid to civil community theme, which evolved at the end to a miltary aid to civil power theme.

The brigadier wanted to deploy a small force (two platoons) to secure an objective, all the roads were snowblocked and the only four wheel drive vehicles were the ubiquitous Land Rover. Ah, says the logistic adviser, a major, under health and safety rules a Land Rover in snow can only carry two soldiers. Brigadier goes red and asks for confirmation of this crazy rule. Within minutes confirmed by our Ministry of Defence, two soldiers only in a Land Rover and they must wear seatbelts.

All this left me standing there bemused. What a situation for an Army to be in?

davidbfpo

[Ken White]

to the Safety Officers assertion that driving vehicles with Protective Masks donned was unsafe...

Amazing what they can come up with.

[Schmedlap]

Safety rules may be the greatest source of ridiculous stories.

In 2004, I was at NTC and an O-6 informed me that I was a sorry excuse for a leader because I did not care about the safety or welfare of my Soldiers. What was my crime? I was riding shotgun in a HMMWV, on post, at about 5 MPH. My driver and I were wearing seatbelts and helmets and we were even utilizing the ever-important ground guide as we drove across a relatively open patch of dirt with no obstructions or pedestrians. Each of us had our 2-quart canteens of water, which we were faithfully drinking and topping off on a regular basis. We were headed from the BLUFOR staging area across the street to the wash rack area.

It should help to underscore how slowly we were moving by pointing out that the Colonel came running after us from out of nowhere and caught up with the vehicle. He shouted, nearly out of breath, for the vehicle to stop, for my driver to turn off the engine, and for us to get out of the vehicle and "unscrew" ourselves before we moved another inch. I still have no idea who this Colonel was or what unit he was in. I had to go round and round with the Colonel, yes sirring and no sirring, as I attempted to figure out what it was that we were doing wrong. He was convinced that I was in on his secret and that I was simply playing dumb, but none of us had any idea what his panties were in such a bunch over. I took several guesses - was my ground guide supposed to wear a road guard vest? Should we have put our hazard lights on? Did I fail to notify someone about my one-vehicle convoy that would be traveling 100 meters in a garrison area?

Finally, he let us in on the secret: we were required to wear goggles, in addition to the other redundant/ridiculous safety measures that we had already succumbed to. It took tremendous concentration for me to refrain from rolling my eyes at such absurdity. But we gave one final "yes sir" and feigned respect for him. My driver and I then spent the next 10 minutes retrieving 3 sets of goggles while the ground guide "guarded" the vehicle, and then we were back on our way.

[Ken White]

Now you all know why I have gray hair...

Wonder how many potentially good Officers that joker inadvertently (well, hopefully...) ran out of the Army. I'm becoming more convinced that the number of COL and CSM/SGM needs a long hard look; given their stated concerns, a lot of them seem to be underemployed. (Apologies to the many good one out there; you know who you are -- it's the others I have reference to -- and you know who they are...)

[AdamG]

Safety rules may be the greatest source of ridiculous stories.

In 2004, I was at NTC and an O-6 informed me that I was a sorry excuse for a leader because I did not care about the safety or welfare of my Soldiers. What was my crime?
*
But we gave one final "yes sir" and feigned respect for him. My driver and I then spent the next 10 minutes retrieving 3 sets of goggles while the ground guide "guarded" the vehicle, and then we were back on our way.

I'm surprised he didn't demand you all wear full-body condoms and then swath yourselves in bubblewrap.
Safety First - even if you suffocate!