1. Peter started the craze, then Catholicism spread all over the globe with smallpox.

2. Can someone inspect my work. I don't drink so I have a full bottle of scotch for you. Better hurry, I'm gonna pass out any minute.

3. Let me pull out my Army issued phraselator and program in "Riot-crazed Aborigine."

4. I have two examples. The 6 year old female who cannot be silenced would have turned all the world into an overtly matriarchical society. spend 3 minutes with her for proof.

5. My concerto turned out to be a Opus. I took penicillin for it. It got better.

6.
Alexander of Aphrodisias - Work: Prior Analytics - A precursor to Dyanetics by L. Ron Hubbard. Issue: Gave birth to such nutjobs as Tom Cruise

Ramses II - Work: Thought he was a god, he let Moses' people go. Issue: None. Got to be played by Yul Brenner, a man who was in a commercial on the dangers of cigarettes after he died. Fairly godlike in that respect, so everything came full circle.

Gregory of Nicaea - Work: One of the four Eastern Doctors of the Church. Issue: Couldn't be a doctor in the west.

Hammurabi - Work: The Code Issue: No one knew what the code was as they had not bought enough boxes of Rice Krispies and therefor did not have the requisite number of box tops to get the special decoder ring.

7. The fact the Kardashians have their own show. Nuff said.

8. No self respecting Soldier, Marine, or other with a high powered rifle needs an instruction manual. The Tiger gets creamed in 3 mikes.

9. Four Words: Squadron Command Financial NCO.

10. First, call the Germans and tell them the French want them back. Tell the Russians the Afghans quit and are waiting for them to reoccupy. Tell the Chinese that the Japanese think Yao Ming sucks. And finish it off by telling Latinos they can no longer play shortstop or second base in major League Baseball.

11. Two half truths make a full truth.

12. Four seasons. Two are temperate, one is hot, one is cold. It doesn't matter which is which.

13. I went to the doctor, he told me I had cancer and I asked him if I could get a second opinion. Then the bastard told me I was ugly too.

14. "I have no knowledge or recollection of that, Senator." - A General