1. Pap smears were originally started for purposes best left out of this forum. The Pap smears’ social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa is yet to be determined but does successfully employ OB/GYNs.

2. Consumed Scotch. Used razor to cut Appendix A out of National Security Strategy. Didn’t need gauze.

3. I believe Sarin-gas is an ancient language, so I’d use it.

4. Created life on three separate occasions. 500 million years of evolution didn’t do much for any of them and its probable effect on the English parliamentary system is nil. “Prove your thesis”: I’ll introduce you to them.

5. Well, this one time, in band camp…

6. Alexander of Aphrodisias: “Hey Honey, I’ve got something for you, it’s a new elixir I just whipped up.”
Ramses II “I told you Forex, to stay out of the women’s quarters. Whatever can I do?”
Gregory of Nicaea: “Damn writers strike!”
Hammurabi: “It’s not like it’s written in stone or anything.”

7. Lack of good single malt Scotch.

8. In two minutes I ask one of my colleagues to go see who’s at the door.

9. I win the lottery, move to Caribbean, thus no longer worry about the National debt.

10. Can I make the call at 3 a.m.?

11. Truth is merely an illusion foisted on us by the Supreme Directorate for Truth.

12. Does nature matter?

13. Humans think up some weird ####e. So it places them in a category of their own.

14. General’s have one, two, three, or four stars (rarely five) and their knowledge is often inversely proportionate to the number of stars.