Ok, no one seems to grasp the subtleties of this when I speak in terms of conflict and war, perhaps what is needed is the language of love...
We go round and round on these military terms because so many who talk about them know so little about them. Once misused, it gets picked up in the media or policy and the problem exacerbates itself. So, while most humans don't engage in warfare, all at least have hopes of engaging in sex, so maybe that makes a better medium for gaining understanding:
Terrorism is rape. The use of sex to incite fear and/or control over some unwilling other.
Counterterrorism (CT) then, are those efforts to deal with the rapist directly. To either arrest him, or if necessary kill him in the process. Often the rapist will hide out at a friends house or in some public place. Every effort must be made to deal with the rapist without making things difficult for those he chose to hide among. If you have probable cause that he is in a particular private residence, you will remain on the moral high ground if you attain a warrant and actually knock before barging in to make the arrest. Declaring a "War on Rapists" does not somehow obviate this requirement!
Insurgency is when your wife is upset with you for reasons only she fully understands or appreciates, and refuses to have sex and may in fact want a divorce, or to replace you with another man, or even to move in with the neighbor.
COIN then, are the efforts of the husband to identify and repair his offensive behavior to create an environment inducive to sexual relations and to preserve his marriage. This is a continuous effort and he must never forget that, and by thinking in terms that he is conducting COIN everyday will not only make his life much easier, but it will also ensure that he has a healthy sexual relationship.
Unconventional Warfare (UW) is when you engages the wife of another man and attempts to convince her to stop having sex with her husband at a minimum, and usually to have sex with you instead. You may in fact convince her to leave her husband with your lies and charm, but you will likely abandon her once your own needs are met. Often this results in her having to return to her husband and what are often rather harsh consequences. She is not likely to listen too seriously to this Romeo if things are good at home in the first place, so for your UW to work you either must be offering something much better than what she has, or catch her when she is dissatisfied with her husband for reasons only she can fully understand or appreciate. UW is very difficult and dangerous business, and should only be attempted by those with special abilities honed by years of training and experience.
Foreign Internal Defense (FID) are the things you do to help a friend stay in good graces with his wife. Perhaps you loan him your cabin at the beach to take her on a vacation; your car to take her out to dinner; or you tell him when he is being an asshole and can't see it for himself; or even teach him your "signature move" that works every time. If you go too far and actually begin to demonstrate the move, or take over the wining, dining and lovemaking altogether, you are likely to ruin the friendship and ultimately the marriage you are trying to save. If you begin to think you are there to conduct COIN instead of FID this is highly likely to happen.
Hopefully this helps shed a little light on the nuances between these various operations.
But remember, if you come over to my house wanting to conduct COIN or CT either one, I am likely to throw you out on your ass...
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