I really like your last point, and your other points are so true as well.
To add on to your last point, I would say two things:

1. Don't get defensive when the participants invariably point out the shortcomings of the American/GIRoA/ISAF efforts in the area. Let them blow off some steam, maybe agree with them a bit, and re-emphasize the need to work together to come to a solution.

2. Know what your side is willing/able to provide beforehand; what you can commit to at the meeting, what projects are a possibility, and what you definitely can't provide. Even saying that you'll "look into" something can be perceived as a promise, and next time you show up empty-handed it can get a little uncomfortable.