Best Staff War Stories

[AdamG]

As a NG Divison Cavalry Squadron S2, I watched the S4 write out a resupply message requesting amongst other things "50,000 gallons of cottage cheese and three lederhosen", just to prove to the Squadron commander that no one at G level was reading our reports.

The request, in it's entirety, was approved...

Grafenwohr WARFIGHTER, April 1999

Playing the part of the night shift BDE S2 (with someone else's NG Division), we were doing better than projected against a quasi-Iraqi OPFOR. I watched a young RA 2LT LNO (1st ID, IIRC) updating his Commander: "Sir, they're not like us... they're playing music and ordering pizza to the TOC. I don't know exactly what they're doing or how they're doing it, but it's working".

*snicker*

Fort Drum, summer 2000
As SQD S2, I laid out a Route Recon lane for the Scout Platoons. The PSGs in A Troop were both older (the oldest pushing 50), so I got an MRE box and set it under a bridge along the route. In laundry pen, it was labeled WHEELCHAIR PARTS. I'd also made up some the Blair Witch Project icons (out of W2 wire and straight branches, knitted togethor at the last Command & Staff meeting), which I hung in the trees just short of the bridge. See http://www.lovefilm.com/lovefilm/ima...2132-large.jpg

About two hours later, "Black 2, this is Red 4. Spot reports follows. Possible Satanic activity and age discrimination, vicinity A003..."

Same time period: an Infantry Battalion insisted on making up their own interpretation of the SOI and using the code page for how many days they had been at AT (rather than which day of the month it was, 1 thru 10). This put them on our Squadron push, and they failed to listen to reason.
The S3 gave me permission to chase them off our frequency, so it became a training opportunity (section drill, how to do your own MIJI mission). Every time they started to broadcast, we transmitted the Volga Boatmen song (track 8 on this very CD http://www.amazon.com/Cossacks/dp/B0000058FS) from our CD player (as well as rude comments in mock-Russian accent) until their TOC finally whimpered "All such-and-such, switch to alternate frequency".