Oddly enough, I use the marital "victory" as an analogy often when dealing with the concept of successful COIN.

I often campaign to get my way by assisting my wife in "winning". I do so by addressing the root causes of the marital discord (which are seldom the stated causes for the conflict) while reinforcing the I/O theme that what I want is best for the both of us and taking a long view on accomplishing my goals.

I cannot remember having lost an argument with my spouse, and usually benefit from having compromised in the process of "winning".

I theorize that successful COIN practitioners (not just the ones who "talk the talk") are more often than not successful at dealing with members of the opposite sex and raising children as well.