Liminality

“Social scientists have a word to describe what you are experiencing--it is called liminality--the state of being betwixt and between.** You have gone*beyond your*old*frame of reference and standard way of viewing the world, and you are just beginning to grasp and understand what the contours of a new frame of reference might look like.* The space is uncomfortable, disconcerting, unnerving, especially to those around you, but*critical to the creative process and breakthrough thinking.* Stay with it.”***

*"The liminal state is characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. One's sense of identity dissolves to some extent, bringing about disorientation. Liminality is a period of transition where normal limits to thought, self-understanding, and behavior are relaxed - a situation which can lead to new perspectives."*

-Dr. Nancy Roberts


May 2008. The Good Book provides stark examples of how the Good Lord tamed wild men over time. After his triumphant defeat over Goliath, David was forced to hide in the desert for many years until he was mentally ready to become King. During this time, he learned wisdom. During this time, he centered himself. He was no longer boy. He became a man. After escaping the wraith of the Egyptians, the Israelites stumbled through the desert for forty years until they submitted to God. After the crucifixion, Peter renounced Jesus three times. Jesus forecasted this betrayal, but Peter was a proud man. He promised the Messiah that he would never betray him. After the crow squawked thrice, Peter finally submitted. It was the only way.

April 2008. This process was definitely unnerving for everyone involved. At any other point in my life, the story of Greg Mortensen would have found its way inside my brain, processed, and pushed out a coherent thought, but I was not ready for it. My life was unbalanced. On the year anniversary of my fallen, in the midst of a loveless marriage crumbling away, in an academic realm of constantly picking apart Iraq, in luncheons with generals trying to explain Iraq, I was not centered.

I’ve spent my entire adult life hunting Al Qaeda. I immersed into another culture, conducted investigations, identified the enemy, and then I killed them. My life has been one of destruction as I chased ghost across the world. Then, I heard the beautiful story of a man that builds schools. That’s it. He builds schools. This man is single-handedly winning the so-called Global War on Terrorism through his own actions- stubbornness, sense of purpose, and love. His efforts are quite innovative, yet impractical for the bureaucracy of any government. The story tipped me over because I was not centered. I hit my break point.

They finally came to get me. They carted me off to the psychological ward.
“Oh no,” they thought, “Mike has finally lost it.”

No one ever said it out loud, but I could see the sadness in their eyes. This proud warrior was broken. How could this happen? After a week of being poked and prodded, after in depth examinations by psychiatrists and psychologist, it was determined that I did not have any normal serious mental problems.

I had not lost it. I was simply a little unwell.

I had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I am not the only one.