If you haven't read Rob Thornton's (with Marct and me) book, Security Force Assistance: The Mosul Case Study, in the Journal, you should, especially for the interviews. The other point I'd make is that getting to know your counterpart is critical, hard work, and extraordinarily labor intensive. It truly requires the quality of empathy - defined correctly as the ability to see the world the way another sees it and not as sympathy - if you want to get him to change his way of doing business. MG Edward Lansdale's claasic, In the Midst of Wars, is a good palce to get a feel for this. Note that Lansdale had empathy for both Magsaysay and Diem, but he only really sympathized with Magsaysay although he had success with both.

Good luck

JohnT