I am a waffling liberal playing amateur blogger, I would make a very bad general. But I will play along; But then I want to be president, not general..Originally Posted by slapout9
1. I would get General A, ambassador B and special rep C in one room and figure out if they can work together or not. If not, I would make changes in A, B or C as needed. Once I know what team I am going to work with, I would tell them I am not planning to be remembered as the guy who lost this war. And I have a cunning plan (Yes, I have a plan, not A, B or C...they get to fill it out, but its my plan. I have heard 244 background briefings and by now, I have a plan). This is followed by some whispering into rolled newspapers while the shower runs in the background. General A cannot believe what a ruthless SOB I really am. Ambassador B thinks he always knew I was a cold blooded shark. Rep C keeps his thoughts to himself.
2. The next day I get to talk to a bigger group, generals, assorted bull####ters and some people from the CIA, half of whom dont know it yet but are about to be fired.
3. And oh yes, I also speak directly to that tough looking woman who is ambassador in Pakistan. She is pleasantly surprised to learn that I am not only a cold blooded vulcan, I know a lot more about the natives than Charlie Wilson knew about Texas.
4. Public speculation about this or that course of action continues for the next few weeks, but well connected hacks are already writing that El Presidente is not waffling, he has a cunning plan. Others think he is waffling. A few trusted hacks are used to actually encourage certain republicans and FOX news anchors to really really go out on a limb and say all kinds of stupid things about the cowardly president. Maybe I have a mean streak...
5. Behind the scenes, we have already got some new people and machines in place. On December 6th (a day my hindu astrologers regard as specially auspicious) the turkey gets a surprise. Lady ambassador and special rep C spend the toughest day of their lives holding hands with Kiyani and making sure no one in the Pak army tries to be a hero when the 77 drones attack the same night. Next morning, I announce the 34000 troops going to Afghanistan. I also make it a point to thank Pakistan for their immense cooperation during last night's unprecedented drone offensive. In fact, some journalists are already reporting (from "unnamed sources") that Kiyani and Shuja Pasha collected 47 million dollars as bounty last night.
6. Meanwhile, Karzai and ambassador B are holding a press conference about the new unity govt in Kabul. Ashraf Ghani has a big role. Every European country gets to send money for teachers and roads. More money for Universities and colleges in the big cities. Special arrangements for direct funding of local govt in the provinces. Lots of money for building up the army and the police. More roads. Some warlords coming to the swearing in are unfortunately killed in a taliban ambush, may they rest in peace. "reconcilable taliban" are invited to join the unity govt. And so on. I cannot tell you everything can I?
7. Everybody hates America.
Btw, a few years down the road, it all goes to hell anyway. But by then I have been re-elected and several liberal hawks have offered to have sex with me in any position i desire.
How does that sound?
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