Single Life in Baghdad

[tequila]

Interesting slice-of-life story about an Iraqi journalist attempting to date in Baghdad. Basic message - not many mixed marriages in Iraq's future.

It has never been easy for a divorced man to find a new wife in Iraq, where many people view people who have divorced with suspicion and disdain. It has become harder since the war, something I discovered when I stepped up my quest for love and bumped up against the religious hatred that has taken over many Iraqis' lives.

It all began after a distressing conversation last month with a good friend, who warned me that no father would approve of his daughter marrying someone like me, a divorced man with a 5-year-old son.

"You are not trustworthy enough to marry a girl, because you are divorced and have a child," my friend told me in a scornful tone. "If someone agreed to let you marry his daughter, it would be as a favor."

His words were crushing because I know they are true. I am 33, well educated and employed, but I have been rejected by many traditional Iraqi women's families because of my marital status. Now, because of the sectarian tensions caused by the war, I also have to worry about being rejected by Sunni women because I am a Shiite ...

[Stan]

While I appreciate where he's coming from, this doesn't sound like a desperate dude in search of love.

Timing determines the cost of broadcasting text messages. It is cheaper to deliver them after midnight, when the price drops from 12 cents for a minute of scrolling to 50 cents for the first five minutes, followed by 25 free minutes. Most messages begin scrolling late at night.

"The minute you walked in the joint,
I could see you were a man of distinction,
A real big spender..."

[Jedburgh]

I am 33, well educated and employed, but I have been rejected by many traditional Iraqi women's families because of my marital status.

There's the rest of the story. He's an educated, westernized Iraqi who's been burned in a divorce and now he wants a traditional obedient Arab wife to take care of the kid and who will not put him through the wringer again.

Even without the "sectarian tensions created by the war" there were not a lot of mixed Sunni-Shi'a marriages in Saddam's day and before. Among the educated classes, yes, on occasion, but you sure didn't see your average small town or village Iraqi crossing the sectarian divide for a marriage. When it did happen it was a true Romeo and Juliet moment (or more appropriately Qays and Leyla).

Keep texting away, Achmed.

[Tom Odom]

Originally Posted by Jedburgh

There's the rest of the story. He's an educated, westernized Iraqi who's been burned in a divorce and now he wants a traditional obedient Arab wife to take care of the kid and who will not put him through the wringer again.

Even without the "sectarian tensions created by the war" there were not a lot of mixed Sunni-Shi'a marriages in Saddam's day and before. Among the educated classes, yes, on occasion, but you sure didn't see your average small town or village Iraqi crossing the sectarian divide for a marriage. When it did happen it was a true Romeo and Juliet moment (or more appropriately Qays and Leyla).

Keep texting away, Achmed.

That's why my Arabic instructors never went home--he is Sunni and she is Chaldean Christian. Neither are fully accepted in DLI circles to this day, 27 years after I met them.

Best

Tom

[Danny]

Wow! This is a hard core group of guys. Exposed emotions ... QUICK, STEP ON THEM!!



Remind me never to bear my soul to this group.

[Tom Odom]

Originally Posted by Danny

Wow! This is a hard core group of guys. Exposed emotions ... QUICK, STEP ON THEM!!



Remind me never to bear my soul to this group.

aw Danny,

Do tell all...

[historyguy99]

Keep in in the family
http://www.consang.net/index.php/Global_prevalence

[Jedburgh]

Originally Posted by historyguy99

Keep in in the family
http://www.consang.net/index.php/Global_prevalence

In many tribal cultures in the Middle East the girl's father's brother's son has the right of first refusal. In many urban families where the tribal roots are still held closely, despite the apparent modern lifestyle exhibited publicly, you'll often find college educated men and women who feel bound by tradition marrying their cousins.

Regarding the Kurds, in many of the relatively isolated mountain villages - especially in the more extreme terrain of the tri-border area - there just ain't any other options. Everybody's kin. Like in the not-so-long-ago days in the Ozarks or Appalachia....

[historyguy99]

Originally Posted by Jedburgh

In many tribal cultures in the Middle East the girl's father's brother's son has the right of first refusal. In many urban families where the tribal roots are still held closely, despite the apparent modern lifestyle exhibited publicly, you'll often find college educated men and women who feel bound by tradition marrying their cousins.

Regarding the Kurds, in many of the relatively isolated mountain villages - especially in the more extreme terrain of the tri-border area - there just ain't any other options. Everybody's kin. Like in the not-so-long-ago days in the Ozarks or Appalachia....

I would agree with your comments. I was married to a westernized Persian woman who had numerous cousins married to cousins. Her explaination was, "that way they knew the family was good", meaning not prone to health, social, or culture issues. Your comments regarding Kurds also hold true when one examines the tables.

As for Appalachia, if you check the tables under minorities, Kentucky shows a 18.7% rate in 1942, when the national rate was .02%.

[Rank amateur]

Originally Posted by Jedburgh

he wants a traditional obedient wife who will not put him through the wringer.

I have a great joke in response, but my wife won't let me tell it.

[Ken White]

Originally Posted by Jedburgh

In many tribal cultures in the Middle East the girl's father's brother's son has the right of first refusal. In many urban families where the tribal roots are still held closely, despite the apparent modern lifestyle exhibited publicly, you'll often find college educated men and women who feel bound by tradition marrying their cousins.

Regarding the Kurds, in many of the relatively isolated mountain villages - especially in the more extreme terrain of the tri-border area - there just ain't any other options. Everybody's kin. Like in the not-so-long-ago days in the Ozarks or Appalachia....

Well, about some things, anyway...

[goesh]

- there can still be hell to pay in some families if a gal runs off with a yankee some things never change though it seems reasonable that Shia/Sunni tensions have made the crossing of cultural barriers more difficult at present but there will always be a Shia in the Sunni wood pile and visa versa

[Rockbridge]

Originally Posted by goesh

- if a gal runs off with a yankee

Which variety of yankee would that be? A carpetbagger (just passing through) or a damn yankee (who has bought the house next door)?

Also resembling the rural invective,
Rockbridge

[AdamG]

Originally Posted by Danny

Remind me never to bear my soul to this group.

Heard about Houston? Heard about Detroit?
Heard about Pittsburgh, P. A.?
You oughta know not to stand by the window
somebody might see you up there

[RTK]

Anyone else getting the "Meet Single Arabs Online" add in this thread and the really cute girl?

WAY more enjoyable than the creepy cannon cockers from Norwich.

[Tom Odom]

Originally Posted by RTK

Anyone else getting the "Meet Single Arabs Online" add in this thread and the really cute girl?

WAY more enjoyable than the creepy cannon cockers from Norwich.

I am.

She looks Lebanese. Waahooooooo!

Tom

[Stan]

Originally Posted by RTK

Anyone else getting the "Meet Single Arabs Online" add in this thread and the really cute girl?

WAY more enjoyable than the creepy cannon cockers from Norwich.

My ad is in Estonian... The Love Thermometer

[selil]

I think I'll go start a "Single Life in Thailand Thread..."

[VMI_Marine]

Originally Posted by Rockbridge

Which variety of yankee would that be? A carpetbagger (just passing through) or a damn yankee (who has bought the house next door)?

Also resembling the rural invective,
Rockbridge

Going by your screen name, I'd guess the latter of the two, who've driven up housing prices in your namesake county.

Of course, my college room mate's parents fall into that category - they moved down from NJ and bought one of the houses across from the post office back in 99 or so.

As for "Sleepless in Baghdad", traditional Arab marriages and a divorced man with a kid just don't mix. Good luck with that...

[AdamG]

Originally Posted by Tom Odom

I am.
She looks Lebanese. Waahooooooo!

Then she likes other girls, so you're still outta luck...