Side Note- my physical therapist decided to induce dizzyness today so she could isolate specific areas of damage. Left inner ear. Check. Now, I gotta wait a day for my brain to unwind.

Another Way- Part Three

After my last deployment, I stepped away from direct involvement in war for the first time in seven years. Just like every warrior going back to the Hellenic wars, I came back trying to re-integrate into the "normal" world. Nate Ficks does a good job in his book describing the differences, the numbess, and the struggle for purpose. I've written about it SWJ, and it was a period of transition, healing, maturation, and understanding. Thankfully, I've walked away from it a better person.

During that time, as I wrestled with the violence I unleashed, my neighbor's hatred towards each other, the seemingly futility of war, and the deep sense of grief that I felt from the loss of my boys, I grabbed a board and went surfing. In that time of solitude, I'd just sit on the board and watch the waves grow, peak, and crash in perpetual flow. Other days, I'd just hike deep into Big Sur, sit on the mountain top, and listen and observe. I began to understand the laws of nature and science, and I started having ideas on how they apply to human nature. I guess I found my Zen moment. I walked down from that mountain understanding several things: 1. Who I am. I was finally able to look myself in the mirror and know that I did the best that I could in every situation, 2. I see the world differently than others and that's okay. 3. I developed a gift on the ability to articulate and describe the realities of war by moving words around on paper.

Simultaneously, I was thrust into the world of small wars through the world view of Special Forces, State Dept, NGOs, missionaries, and academics. I was the hammer in the toolbox; they are the rulers, screwdrivers, pliars, saws, and drills. As I worked on different projects, I started trying to consider how we could build a house if we have to. At the same time, I started understanding that we've been trying to build houses with the wrong tools, no freaking blueprint, and we forgot to order the building supplies. Additionally, we thought we could build these houses overnight and put it on a credit card b/c we live in a nice house. We forgot how long it took our parents struggled to save up for the house, the sacrifices they made to build the house, and the time, effort, and care they took into maintaining that house. We just wanted everyone to have a big house today.

So, I've got some ideas on how to build a house. I'll describe them in a minute. As an officer, I'm a project manager. I don't know have the technical expertise of the plumber, the electrician, the architect, or the carpenter, but I do know where to find them- the NCO corps. I want to brief these experts on these new ideas that I've been introduced to, and I want to give them the opportunity to think it through and determine what will work and what won't work....

In other words, come to a better understanding on our limits of control and constraints on our ability to influence others.

Okay, enough with the analogies and metaphors. That's the background. Here's what I've seen.